ohmdiver
Contributor
Our heartfelt condolences to you and your family.
Denise Churney: A great friend to divers
- Thread starter Jim Lapenta
- Start date
Please register or login
Welcome to ScubaBoard, the world's largest scuba diving community. Registration is not required to read the forums, but we encourage you to join. Joining has its benefits and enables you to participate in the discussions.
Benefits of registering include
- Ability to post and comment on topics and discussions.
- A Free photo gallery to share your dive photos with the world.
- You can make this box go away
Jendra
Contributor
I am sorry for your loss.
May you find all the strength that you need from; loved ones, friends, strangers from a far, but most importantly from within yourself to get through these challenging times.
Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow, May looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.
~ Unknown
May you find all the strength that you need from; loved ones, friends, strangers from a far, but most importantly from within yourself to get through these challenging times.
Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow, May looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.
~ Unknown
OP
Thank you all for everything. I got thru the funeral today. Barely. Came home and slept for a couple hours after the lunch and went to my brother-in-laws. Fortunately we are all very close together. He lives two houses down. My mother in law is across the street from me. I have to go to work tomorrow. I usually stay up til 10-10:30. I now have to do a few things and then I think I'll be in bed within an hour or so. I would usually put Denise to bed around 9. I feel lost right now. Please understand if i don;t respond right away or it seems I'm posting in as many forums as I can. I don't know how I will be over the next few days, weeks, etc. I know that she would want me to stay busy and do whatever it took to stay sane. I hope that everyone will understand. I miss her so much.
- Messages
- 22,171
- Reaction score
- 2,790
- # of dives
- 5000 - ∞
Everyone does understand.
- Messages
- 704
- Reaction score
- 61
- Location
- Winston, Georgia, United States
- # of dives
- I just don't log dives
Jim,
I just saw this thread this morning. I am never sure what to say or to express during moments such as these. Mainly because there are no words that will truly express the entirety of what you feel nor the sorrow that is felt for your loss. I will not insult you by telling you that I know how you feel. I can relate to burying someone you love (my brother at the age of 28) but I don't now the love that you shared with your soulmate. From your passionate posts about diving I can only imagine how much love, care, and devotion you shared with her.
Take the time you need to mourn and grieve. Your SB Family will be here if you need us.
I just saw this thread this morning. I am never sure what to say or to express during moments such as these. Mainly because there are no words that will truly express the entirety of what you feel nor the sorrow that is felt for your loss. I will not insult you by telling you that I know how you feel. I can relate to burying someone you love (my brother at the age of 28) but I don't now the love that you shared with your soulmate. From your passionate posts about diving I can only imagine how much love, care, and devotion you shared with her.
Take the time you need to mourn and grieve. Your SB Family will be here if you need us.
fonfon5
Guest
What an amazing memorial of this wonderful woman! God Bless you and your family Jim.
wrybosome
Contributor
Jim,
I just saw this thread here today, although I already knew about your loss. No ones words can ease your loss, and I wouldn't try to. I just wanted you to know you're in my thoughts. I didn't meet Denise in October but I listened to you talk about her and could see how special she was to you. I'm very, very sorry.
Best wishes,
Tim
I just saw this thread here today, although I already knew about your loss. No ones words can ease your loss, and I wouldn't try to. I just wanted you to know you're in my thoughts. I didn't meet Denise in October but I listened to you talk about her and could see how special she was to you. I'm very, very sorry.
Best wishes,
Tim
OP
I could not post this before now. It was too personal. But I want everyone to know who she was and what she meant if it was not already clear.
On January 7, 2010 Heaven called one of it’s angels home. Denise was truly the living embodiment of joy and goodness. She was born to John and Loretta Churney on January 15, 1961. She was a loving and sweet girl who brought great happiness to them and her sister Darlene and brother John. At some point it became apparent that she was different. She had physical issues that ended up being diagnosed as Muscular Dystrophy. At the age of 17 she became wheelchair bound and in need of full time assistance. Many people would have let this hold them back.
Denise never did. She, with the assistance of her personal care attendants went shopping, played bingo, traveled to Florida, and generally enjoyed life. She even managed to attend Edinburgh University. I met her on the computer in mid January of 2001. We had our first date on January 28. It was at her mom’s house; we had dinner, talked, and watched TV. A week later was our second. We almost did not even get together because she was concerned that I was not physically strong enough to lift her and take care of her. She soon found out that it was no problem at all. We began to go out to dinner, shopping which she loved, and to the Meadows Race track to watch the horses. She truly loved her family and was always thinking of things to buy her mom, her nephews, and her brother and sister. She was generous to a fault with everyone.
In April of 2001 we went away for a weekend to the Summit Inn on top of the mountain on Route 40 in Uniontown. I remember it for two very clear reasons. The first being that the weather was such that we were actually driving in and out of clouds that were lying on the mountain. The second was that during that weekend she told me that she loved me. And I told her that I loved her. From that time on we never went one day without saying it to each other when we were together or on the phone. From then on it seemed that we were also always going somewhere. We went to Niagara Falls a total of 4 times. The first was when she insisted on taking a helicopter over the falls, going on the maid of the mist, and seeing as many sights as possible. She got the biggest kick out of the chopper ride. We then went to the Florida Keys for the first time, then on a cruise to Cozumel. When we got back from Cozumel she encouraged me to take up scuba diving. From then on many of our trips involved that. We also went to Ocean City Md twice and enjoyed the sun, sand, and water. She got to feel the ocean thanks to a special beach wheelchair that we borrowed. She loved it until the tide came in she started to float away!
She loved to travel to different places and loved to fly. We traveled to the Keys several times. Bonaire in the Netherlands Antilles, and most recently Montego Bay, Jamaica where I took her in the water with a snorkel for the first time. Before that when my son graduated basic training and I had to go to Texas she and her aid went shopping as I suggested they do. Thing is they went shopping in the Bahamas! They took a cruise where she had the chance to be in the water with, hug, and get kissed by a dolphin! She loved getting out of the house and we rarely stayed home. Even going for an ice cream would sometimes cure her wanderlust. We once attended a picnic at Kennywood and she got me to ride the roller coasters. I do not like heights. She loved em. She thought it was very funny at the end of the ride on the Racer because we had to do it again. Her wheelchair was on the other side of the tracks and the only way to get to it was to do the second trip!
She also loved to shop. Especially for others. She doted on her nephews and always knew when their birthdays were and made sure she took care of them. When babies started to appear in the family she was in her glory. Many times I had to get her to wait until we knew what the baby was going to be or she would have bought out the store. When her niece Kamarya was born she was so happy that there was a girl to buy for. Her mom used to get quite upset because Denise was always buying clothes for herself and would usually pick up something for her mom as well. She has clothes everywhere for every occasion.
She also loved her personal care attendants and would always get some little souvenir for them when we traveled. She would take it quite hard when one would have to leave. When it came to family she always had a lot of love for every one of them. She had a capacity for compassion for others that is rarely found in people these days. When others were hurting she knew it and did whatever she was able to try and alleviate their pain. She also gave advice to her nephews whenever she felt they needed it. Whether they liked it or not. She was so looking forward to the birth of her nephew Evan's child when she died.
The last few years were especially hard. She lost her voice and had difficulty communicating. Her use of her hands began to deteriorate and she became depressed. She had enough spirit to realize she needed help and began therapy and taking medication for it. Through trial and error we found a combination that worked well and she began to get back to her old self. Even though holidays still got her down some because she would agonize over getting someone the right gift. It helped when we got her to realize that gift cards and cash were ok. She loved the sun and really hated the cold. We tried to get early starts on spring by taking trips to warm places. We were looking at a trip to ocean city to sit on the boardwalk and watch the sunrise in a few months.
I am a better man for having met her, loved her, and been with her. She truly taught me how to live life for each day. Every person she touched is a better person for it. Denise not only knew how to live but she taught others how as well. This world is at the same time better for her having been here and poorer that she is gone. Heaven is a brighter place and the angels now have another teacher of how to spread joy. I will miss her more than I can possibly say. I just pray that she watches over me and guides me as I try to go on.
No one can ever replace her. I do not have to hope she is at peace. I know she is. Her goodness and grace guaranteed her a place in glory for eternity where she is now not only walking but running like the wind at every opportunity. I know this for a fact because the day we knew she was not going to make it and they began the morphine drip she opened her eyes wide and looked at her mom. She said to her “You look nice". She then began to look up and around and tried to say how beautiful everything was.
I will never forget the look of pure joy on her face and how she said she could see people. She could see her dad, gramma, and Lorna. She was like this for 15-20 minutes. Then she closed her eyes. I asked her if she knew that now she could run. She smiled, nodded, and relaxed. She lingered for another day plus because her heart was just too strong to quit. But I knew then that she was home and just wanted to give us a little more time with her body. When she stopped breathing at 12:02AM I was with her. I held her hand and told her it's ok. You run now baby. And she slipped away peacefully. I love you Denise. I will not say goodbye. Just see ya in a little while by your time. By mine it will seem like eternity.
On January 7, 2010 Heaven called one of it’s angels home. Denise was truly the living embodiment of joy and goodness. She was born to John and Loretta Churney on January 15, 1961. She was a loving and sweet girl who brought great happiness to them and her sister Darlene and brother John. At some point it became apparent that she was different. She had physical issues that ended up being diagnosed as Muscular Dystrophy. At the age of 17 she became wheelchair bound and in need of full time assistance. Many people would have let this hold them back.
Denise never did. She, with the assistance of her personal care attendants went shopping, played bingo, traveled to Florida, and generally enjoyed life. She even managed to attend Edinburgh University. I met her on the computer in mid January of 2001. We had our first date on January 28. It was at her mom’s house; we had dinner, talked, and watched TV. A week later was our second. We almost did not even get together because she was concerned that I was not physically strong enough to lift her and take care of her. She soon found out that it was no problem at all. We began to go out to dinner, shopping which she loved, and to the Meadows Race track to watch the horses. She truly loved her family and was always thinking of things to buy her mom, her nephews, and her brother and sister. She was generous to a fault with everyone.
In April of 2001 we went away for a weekend to the Summit Inn on top of the mountain on Route 40 in Uniontown. I remember it for two very clear reasons. The first being that the weather was such that we were actually driving in and out of clouds that were lying on the mountain. The second was that during that weekend she told me that she loved me. And I told her that I loved her. From that time on we never went one day without saying it to each other when we were together or on the phone. From then on it seemed that we were also always going somewhere. We went to Niagara Falls a total of 4 times. The first was when she insisted on taking a helicopter over the falls, going on the maid of the mist, and seeing as many sights as possible. She got the biggest kick out of the chopper ride. We then went to the Florida Keys for the first time, then on a cruise to Cozumel. When we got back from Cozumel she encouraged me to take up scuba diving. From then on many of our trips involved that. We also went to Ocean City Md twice and enjoyed the sun, sand, and water. She got to feel the ocean thanks to a special beach wheelchair that we borrowed. She loved it until the tide came in she started to float away!
She loved to travel to different places and loved to fly. We traveled to the Keys several times. Bonaire in the Netherlands Antilles, and most recently Montego Bay, Jamaica where I took her in the water with a snorkel for the first time. Before that when my son graduated basic training and I had to go to Texas she and her aid went shopping as I suggested they do. Thing is they went shopping in the Bahamas! They took a cruise where she had the chance to be in the water with, hug, and get kissed by a dolphin! She loved getting out of the house and we rarely stayed home. Even going for an ice cream would sometimes cure her wanderlust. We once attended a picnic at Kennywood and she got me to ride the roller coasters. I do not like heights. She loved em. She thought it was very funny at the end of the ride on the Racer because we had to do it again. Her wheelchair was on the other side of the tracks and the only way to get to it was to do the second trip!
She also loved to shop. Especially for others. She doted on her nephews and always knew when their birthdays were and made sure she took care of them. When babies started to appear in the family she was in her glory. Many times I had to get her to wait until we knew what the baby was going to be or she would have bought out the store. When her niece Kamarya was born she was so happy that there was a girl to buy for. Her mom used to get quite upset because Denise was always buying clothes for herself and would usually pick up something for her mom as well. She has clothes everywhere for every occasion.
She also loved her personal care attendants and would always get some little souvenir for them when we traveled. She would take it quite hard when one would have to leave. When it came to family she always had a lot of love for every one of them. She had a capacity for compassion for others that is rarely found in people these days. When others were hurting she knew it and did whatever she was able to try and alleviate their pain. She also gave advice to her nephews whenever she felt they needed it. Whether they liked it or not. She was so looking forward to the birth of her nephew Evan's child when she died.
The last few years were especially hard. She lost her voice and had difficulty communicating. Her use of her hands began to deteriorate and she became depressed. She had enough spirit to realize she needed help and began therapy and taking medication for it. Through trial and error we found a combination that worked well and she began to get back to her old self. Even though holidays still got her down some because she would agonize over getting someone the right gift. It helped when we got her to realize that gift cards and cash were ok. She loved the sun and really hated the cold. We tried to get early starts on spring by taking trips to warm places. We were looking at a trip to ocean city to sit on the boardwalk and watch the sunrise in a few months.
I am a better man for having met her, loved her, and been with her. She truly taught me how to live life for each day. Every person she touched is a better person for it. Denise not only knew how to live but she taught others how as well. This world is at the same time better for her having been here and poorer that she is gone. Heaven is a brighter place and the angels now have another teacher of how to spread joy. I will miss her more than I can possibly say. I just pray that she watches over me and guides me as I try to go on.
No one can ever replace her. I do not have to hope she is at peace. I know she is. Her goodness and grace guaranteed her a place in glory for eternity where she is now not only walking but running like the wind at every opportunity. I know this for a fact because the day we knew she was not going to make it and they began the morphine drip she opened her eyes wide and looked at her mom. She said to her “You look nice". She then began to look up and around and tried to say how beautiful everything was.
I will never forget the look of pure joy on her face and how she said she could see people. She could see her dad, gramma, and Lorna. She was like this for 15-20 minutes. Then she closed her eyes. I asked her if she knew that now she could run. She smiled, nodded, and relaxed. She lingered for another day plus because her heart was just too strong to quit. But I knew then that she was home and just wanted to give us a little more time with her body. When she stopped breathing at 12:02AM I was with her. I held her hand and told her it's ok. You run now baby. And she slipped away peacefully. I love you Denise. I will not say goodbye. Just see ya in a little while by your time. By mine it will seem like eternity.
OP
Today would have been our 9th anniversary. I stopped at the florist and got her a rose. With a bit of baby's breath. It was very cold and windy at the cemetery. I placed it on her grave and used some of the rocks to make sure it stayed in place. The ground is still pretty messed up due to the weather we have here. Too cold to really smooth things out. We need to go soon and get the headstone even though they won't really be able to place it until things warm up a bit. I want to thank all of you who have been here for me and those who have donated to the MDA in her name. I'm not good at sending out cards and such and some of them I only know by your SB handle and that is what is on the card that MDA sends me when you give. So thank you all. Now it is time to try to move forward just a bit while I continue to grieve, adjust, live, and whatever comes along with that. It is not nor will it be easy. But it can be done. I just got home from her aunt's viewing. She passed away on Monday from lung cancer. I saw all the same people that were at Denise's funeral and it was hard and somehow comforting at the same time. Maybe that is a bit of growth. I'm drained emotionally right now and heading to bed. Just wanted to say thanks again to all of you.
Jim, I just found this thread, my heartfelt condolences to you and your family at this very difficult time.
Similar threads
