Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[Blackwood]

True or not, I get a chuckle every time I think of this:

"I am the fastest decompresser there is..."
-GI3

This is the best post ever.
http://www.scubaboard.com/forums/3443054-post47.html

Wow, yes it is!

 

[Thalassamania]

and the problem with laid backed aussies is???

hubby has a tshirt somewhere with the quote "remember when scuba diving was dangerous and having sex was fun??" or something like that

The good old days: When diving was dangerous and sex was safe.

a favorite diving quote, from The Deep:

Nick Nolte: There's treasure down there. I know. I've gotta look.

Jacqueline Bisset: You're so blind! You wouldn't see it if it was in front of you!

Nick Nolte: I feel things so I do them! That's the way I am!

Jacqueline Bisset: And you wind up with T-shirts!

Sounds like my wife looking in my closet.

 

[Lucy's Diver]

On a six-pack in Cozumel a couple of years ago. Some woman sitting beside me:

Me: When did you get into Cozumel?
Her: Yesterday morning but we can't dive the day we get here.
Me: Why not?

Her: Because that'll make our dive computers shut down.

She actually believed her computer "knew" she'd been flying that day and would shut down if they made a dive. Both of them believed this.

There are computers out there that have altitude sensors in them (for diving at altitude) that do not like to be powered up in an airplane. I had mine lock out both on the way to and from a dive location when I had to power it up to get past security. It didn't matter so much becuase it unlocked overnight and my first dive was not until the next day, but I did go to bed wondering if my computer would work the next day.

 

[micklock]

The best shark repellent is your dive knife and a buddy. :cut:

 

[Jeff Toorish]

"I'd debrief you, but I'm dead."
--Rick Murcar during cave diving training.

 

[charlesml3]

There are computers out there that have altitude sensors in them (for diving at altitude) that do not like to be powered up in an airplane.

I'll take your word for it, but that's a mighty poorly designed computer. If it's powered up at altitude and you have ZERO accumulated nitrogen, it should know that's not a time-to-fly situation.

-Charles

 

[shoupart]

When I worked in a dive shop very close to Beverly Hills, I had a rich, spoiled middle-aged customer ask me how a snorkel is used.

Not just how to attach it, but how to breathe through it.

I wish I'd offered him some special breathing lessons, with a specialty certification in mouth-breathing. It would have been an extensive 2 week course.

 

[CDNScubaMoose]

While at the LDS, overheard the owner mention to a warm water diver who wanted to dive in the great lakes that they would need more lead. The customer - oh yeah, that's because we are going deeper, right?

While taking a group of divers on a shore dive where a small wreck was close to the entrance point - a diver put her face in the water and came right back up with a look of pure terror on her face. When I asked what was wrong, I got, "OMG - there is rotten wood down there"

My favorite dive briefing - Boat captain: Ok - there is a wreck on the bottom of the lake, now get off my boat!!

 

[Blackwood]

If it's powered up at altitude and you have ZERO accumulated nitrogen, it should know that's not a time-to-fly situation.

-Charles

You don't have zero accumulated nitrogen, but I agree that the design is less than ideal.

 

[jaymal]

As told by my instructor. He was on the dock watching his daughter and her buddy perform navigational skills. All was well until they stopped just in front of the dock and then came up. At the surface the daughter showed a small metal box and asked "What's this?

Her farther exclaimed: "It's Grandpa!!"

Turns out a couple of the urns didn't quite make it to their burial at sea.