Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[all4scuba05]

Idiot:So where do you dive?

Me:Around here I mostly do wreck diving.

Idiot: Do you go in?

Me:Not often and not further than the first room.

Idiot: Why? Is the air too stale in there?

 

[The Surly Mermaid]

My favorite stange quote came after finding an "empty" conch shell on the bottom and taking it back to the boat with me. The captain, after verifing that the conch was not still in it, put it in the rinse bucket. One of the JOW divers asked if he could look at it and we said sure. The next thing we heard was him yelling..... "Why is there an Octopus in the rinse bucket?"

 

[Hammerhead]

One of my current favorite funnies came from Mike Edmonston: "Never assume an unexploded goat is evidence of a good decompression profile."

That is SUPERB!

Me ---->

 

[ItMustBeJames]

This one is admittedly [-]stolen[/-] borrowed from someone else on the board. I wish I could remember who:

"I walked in to my LDS the other day and asked for a 21% fill. The shop owner replied 'Sorry ... we don't do Nitrox fills here'."

 

[almitywife]

This one is admittedly [-]stolen[/-] borrowed from someone else on the board. I wish I could remember who:

"I walked in to my LDS the other day and asked for a 21% fill. The shop owner replied 'Sorry ... we don't do Nitrox fills here'."

thats disturbing on so many levels...

my standard funny is when approached by a non diver while pointing out to the ocean and he asks "did you go to the deep end today"

 

[TSandM]

I love the people who approach us at the dive site and ask, "Is there anything to look at down there?"

I feel like answering, "No, we just like strapping on 100 lbs of gear and getting very cold, and we can't figure out any other way to do it."

 

[turtle_guy]

^have heard that two many times and think i've said pretty much the same thing

 

[S. starfish]

I always like it when people ask me if "It's cold in there". No, the water's warm, I'm just wearing a drysuit because I think they're sexy.

An actual, very short conversation with a man from washington state.

Him: Is the water cold?
Me: Yea it's pretty cold, but that's why we wear drysuits.
Him: Well, I guess that's what you get for diving in the arctic.

It was a sad day for humanity.

 

[1_T_Submariner]

When asked about Visability the DM responds. "The Visability is as far as you can see"

Hate to admit it but, it took me 3 dives to catch on to what they where saying. LOL

 

[BarryNL]

On a six-pack in Cozumel a couple of years ago. Some woman sitting beside me:

Me: When did you get into Cozumel?
Her: Yesterday morning but we can't dive the day we get here.
Me: Why not?

Her: Because that'll make our dive computers shut down.

She actually believed her computer "knew" she'd been flying that day and would shut down if they made a dive. Both of them believed this.

It's rather more worrying that her understanding of deco theory was so poor that she assumed the "24 hour rule" applies to flying before diving as well.

As to quotes, I was making a dive to 40m with a divemaster buddy and was explaining that I'd filled my tank by topping off the previous 32% mix with air and had analysed it at 24%.

"Oh", he said, "so you're diving Slightrox today".