Your title got me thinking about a potential dynamic that could impact your diving enjoyment. Don't know whether you've ever heard of cognitive behavioral therapy, but some of the theory may be useful for understanding what you're going through. This is going to be 'off the top of my head,' so it won't match up exactly what you'd read in a formal source and isn't to be taken as professional advice.
People have schemas - underlying belief systems about the way the world works. Think optimist, pessimist, capitalist, socialist, etc... It's like listening to a Republican and a Democrat debate how to fix the economy; both have good intentions, but deep-seated differences in how they believe the world works (e.g.: trickle down economics & give a man a fish vs. teach him to fish, vs. the assumption that you're giving a hand up instead of a hand out & people will avail themselves of opportunity rather than become social parasites) put them at odds.
When people in life encounter situations, they often have unconscious interpretations (a.k.a. 'automatic thoughts'), ways they interpret what they see & hear without even consciously thinking about it. We often rationalize things to support our underlying schemas (e.g.: you see someone park in a handicapped spot, get out & walk to the store without evident difficulty and assume he's misusing the system; an optimist might assume he's legally blind & wary of extended parking lot walks, or has a medical condition that can cause a lot of pain with longer walking (e.g.: recent old-style gall bladder surgery with a healing surgical wound on the body wall)).
In other words, if you think you're somehow unlikeable and that other people in general tend to dislike you, and you're insecure about it/fragile self-esteem, when someone says something critical to you with a mild edge to their voice/manner, you may not take it as an isolated event. You may see it as the latest exhibit in an increasing pile of evidence that you're unlikeable and the scuba community is prone to despise you when they get to know you. This can lead to negative over-reaction and your manner and body language become off-putting, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you reach out for reassurance from others, people who don't share your schema may not empathize well (e.g.: criticizing you further, pushing you to 'man up,' etc...).
Remember that wounded animals often go off to be alone, and men in particular often isolate for awhile when upset to work through their psychological baggage before 'sharing' with others. People who don't know you well & aren't sure what to do will give you that space. It's awkward and uncomfortable for all concerned, but it doesn't equate to contempt.
The content of this post is highly speculative and I cannot presume to know your personal psychology. Take this post for what it is or is not worth, in as much as the concepts may be helpful to you.
Richard.
P.S.: Abandoning a buddy is often portrayed on the forum as a despicable act. You may not've handled things the way some divers would've, but at the end of the day, you did the best you could in (for you) a novel situation where what to do wasn't entirely clear. Take it as an educational experience, grow and move on. Do not take it as the latest exhibit that people think you're a bad guy.
? Without having/knowing a better way to communicate this issue at a distance, NOT OK sounds like the best response for you to have - it at least got people's attention to a possible problem.
