X Walks Into a Bar Jokes

[TONY CHANEY]

A penguin walk into a bar and says. " I am looking for my brother." The Bartender says, "Holy crap a talking penguin."

A penguin walk into another bar and says. " I am looking for my brother." The Bartender says, "what does he look like?"

A giraffe walks into a bar and the bar keep asked, "care for a long neck?" The giraffe said, "no I already have one."

A string crawls into a bar and the bar keep says," we don't server strings here." I string crawls out, ties himself up, drags himself across the street and enters the bar again. The bar keep says, "I told you that we do not serve strings in here." The strings says, "I'm a frayed knot."

A three legged dog walks into a bar and says, "I am looking for the man that shot my paw."

A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt and says, "I'll take one for the road."

 

[geoff w]

A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.

After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair — given that you are blind — that you should know five things:

The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl.
I’m a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, “No… Not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”