Each month we would take the newbies to WPB for their final checkout dive. I would wait for the right moment and "discover" the cutest baby octopus you ever saw and show it to everybody who would go "awwww, isn't that cuuuuute". Then to their horror I would pop it in my mouth. My buddy always had the camera ready to catch their horrified expressions and I would spell out on a slate "live sushi".
At this point I would pop the little plastic octopus out so I didn't ruin the rest of the dive for my unsuspecting victims...
you can get "props" from the aquarium store for similar gags for comedians out there...
chiara
May 28th, 2002, 10:19 AM
On a particularly boring moment last year while diving off Phuket, me and my British buddy spent a good moment joking as if his console were a mobile phone.
He dialed, and then I used my SPB to answer him, the whole thing behind the unsuspecting guide's back.
It still beats me why I was feeling bored, though...
scuberd
May 28th, 2002, 10:46 AM
this didn't happen underwater, but it was on the way to a dive site.
2 guys were riding in the back of the van, behind a mountain of gear and the instructor was driving. They called him from the back and said that they were one of the other students who was driving himself. they said that the trunk of his car popped open and his BC and mask flew out. the bc was run over and the mask was smashed. When the arrived at the dive site, the car with the other student in it arrived late and he apoligised about being late because they stopped for breakfast. When the istructor asked him about the bc, the student just looked at him blankly and said that that had never happened. at that point the instructor figured it out and we are lauging at it still. whats more is the instructor was carrying all of the BCs in his van.
dkerr
May 28th, 2002, 10:49 AM
One of my friends took a trip to the Grand Caymans and their package included a vidiographer. At one point they filmed the divers from a distance and the photographer had a hand puppet of a great white which would swallow the divers whole! Kinda silly but really funny especially when he described being attacked by a great white and then showed us the film!
NetDoc
May 28th, 2002, 11:29 AM
We watched the other anxious pairs go through the "torture" and it was finally our turn.
We did it slowly and methodically... untill the end when the Mardi Gras Beads started coming out and we put our pink water wings on. The instructor already knew us well enough to know we would do something silly, the others were aghast that we had enough breath at the end to blow up the water wings.
tchil01
May 28th, 2002, 01:37 PM
During our SI at the quarry this weekend we were discussing dry suits and we were wondering how many people would freek out if we used and old dry suit as a lift bag the next time we were out. You know, just plug the neck and arms and I bet one of those suckers would lift a ton... but we might find ourselve left out at sea when we came up :)
Ty
MSilvia
May 28th, 2002, 03:00 PM
I wasn't there, but heard a good one from some other divers. They had gone on a trip, and were signed up for a charter boat dive. On the same trip a few weeks earlier, someone had found a gold coin, and one of the divers in particular was both really excited about looking, and too nearsighted to do so effectively.
The other guys stopped at a candy shop before the dive, and bought a bag of gold foil wrapped chocolate coins, which they slipped to the divemaster. Sure enough, when the budding treasure hunter entered the water, he thought he had struck the jackpot.
He emerged wide eyed, and started showing off his find to his friends, who all seemed quite impressed, until one of them unwrapped and ate a piece of his "treasure".
Liquid
May 28th, 2002, 03:07 PM
Ok, Speaking of Cell phones, here's a story-
I had a student once, that was a celular phone shop. He brought one with him, and asked me if I'd jump to the pull to take the phone out if he throws it in. Ofcourse, I said yes. The guy throws it in, I jump in after it (wering, ofcourse, my only dry clothes), and while ascending, I read on it's back "None working sample". I loughed so hard I started drinking water.
So the guy says "you'r a hero, keep this one, it may bring you a good lough later on".
Now I can go on forever, about the times I looked at a student who had the same kind of cell, ask "it's yours?" and throw it to the pull to the great loughs of everybody who knows the prank. But I'm going for a better story- I used to keep this phone in my bc (actualy, I still have it there). When I tought a course, at the final dive I took the students to a place, where theres a bath-tub lying on the floor, tied with ropes to a rock. I'd take my reg, put it under the tub, and push the button, signalling the others to do the same. The tub would than float, and being tied to the floor on it's four corners, it would stay afloat, with an air pocket inside. Than, one by one, I get the students inside for their "initiation". It goes something like this:
My head is in the tub, a student comes up, I signal him to take of the mask. Than I'd shake his hand, take my snorkel out of the bc pocket, and "knight" him with it, telling him that in the names of st posiedon and st neptune he's now knighted Knight of the reef. Than I tell him "there is someone really special that wants to talke to you", take out the phone and hand it over to him. Now-for anyone that really wants to know if his spouse loves him, ask you spouses's instructor to pull this drill. Unbelivingly, they take the phone "Hello mom? / Honney? / Sweety?" Than I try to answer them some silly answer, and some will buy it. When they get the idea, they lough themselves silly, then go out and signall the next one to get in, now loughing on his expanse as well.
Amazingly, no one had ever read the note on it's back, untill I show it, and even still- there alwais was a Darvinist that asked me how did it work, becouse he swears he could hear his mom.
Liquid
May 28th, 2002, 03:15 PM
Here's another one-
I gave my reg to the technitian (which also happened to be my boss) for service. The day after she hands it to me, and I go for a dive with my students. After some time, I feel I have some water in my mouth, ok, no problem, I'm a drilled diver, I simply exhale a bit from my mouth. I start inhaling, and again, I feel water, So again I exhale, the same goes for a couple more times, untill my lungs are to empty to exhale. So, naturally, I send my hand to my regulator, to push the button, only there is no REGULATOR THERE!!! I spit out, and discover I had only the mouth-piece in my mouth. So I take a band out of my vest, atach the mouth-pieace to the reg, while suffering the amuzed faces on my students.
Aperantly, the technitian forgot to put a band on the mouth-piece, and being lazy me, I didnt bother to look there.
Jonathan
May 28th, 2002, 08:59 PM
take one large wrench and spare nut swim up to a tourist sub pretend to unscrew a nut then show them the spare.
Not tried it but I hear it goes down a treat.....
JustAddWater
May 28th, 2002, 10:21 PM
On my last boat trip, I brought a remote control fart machine and planted it in a fellow diver's clothing bag that was stowed on a shelf in his bunk. The false flatulance caused a few laughs, as did the diver's denial that he was the source.
Kaffphine
May 29th, 2002, 01:12 AM
I spend so much time around divers for excallty this reason... the antiks and social scene.
There's one diver up here that is... ahh.. a unique indivual! One night he's getting out of his drysuit, unzippers pulls down the top half and lets it drop about his weist. At that excalt moment a small feild mouse runs from behind him to the pile of wood. He saw the mouse, we saw the mouse and the whole thing looked really really wrong!! Not being one to waste the comedy value of this his immedite response, "Yea, well I usually like gerbials, but feild mice give me something to hold on to." That night I had the most shocking experince of my life.... that night I found out this guy's married!!!
Scubalnks
May 29th, 2002, 02:48 AM
Keep in mind this is a Caribbean dive so all I'm wearing is a T-shirt and a pair of swimming trunks to dive in.
I had bought a chocolate candy bar at the store before the dive. You know where this is going? When we did our second/shallow dive (I had put the unwrapped candy bar in a zip lock sandwich bag ahead of time) I had the candy bar in my BC pocket. Once down I made sure to be just behind my group of friends so I could reach and get it out of the bag before anyone noticed. I did this then put it down the front of my shorts and then got their attention (I have one of those emergency alert air horn things on my BC hose and told them ahead of time to listen for it and it would signal that I seen something good). When they turned around all they saw was this brown stuff coming out of everywhere around my shorts and me shaking the bottom of my shorts as if to try and get it all out. Of course the fish from the reef had gathered to clean up the mess by now so it really added to the effect. I was laughing so hard in my BC I almost actually went to the bathroom. My dive buddies were doing the same except for my friends wife who had instead been suffering from a little sea sickness to begin with and this sent her over the edge and she proceeded to get sick through her regulator and the fish were having a field day to. Man do I wish we had a video camera on that dive it was a classic moment that is just hard to put in to words how great it worked.
Scottri
May 29th, 2002, 07:04 PM
I once convinced a guy that if he took a light bulb under water with him at night it would light up from the bioluminesense (sp?). He did and of course it didn't light up but it was funny watching him wave it around. About a week later my buddy rented the same BC and as he was gearing up he reached in the pocket and pulled out a light bulb. The look on his face was great.
Scott
jamespitt
May 30th, 2002, 11:12 PM
we had some really shallow dives in indo so for fun we used to shove weight in our booties, go to about 6-8 meters and have moonwalk races.
one time this customer forgot their weightbelt so my girlfriend gave him hers. not keen to miss the dive she proceeded to dive in her cozzie and a spare weight in her bc pocket. it was hilarious to see her trying to keep the guys from diving behind her. she's a great exponent of the frogkick!
on my first couple of dive in sodwana bay, we saw a bull shark in the distance which swam away. then we swam past a nesting titan triggerfish which took a severe dislike to my yellow fins and proceeded to chase me across the reef. being my 3rd dive i thought MY GOD i'm doing something wrong and i am gonna die, but my instructor and gf thought it was really funny.
oh and a cuttlefish got very amorous with my elbow last weekend which amused my buddy.
narcosis is always funny too...
j
neil
May 31st, 2002, 02:43 AM
jamespitt,
I'm sure that will be funny and sexy as hell as soon as you tell me what a "cozzie" is. :)
I was diving with a bunch of people from the shop I worked at. We were down in the sand, playing with a bunch of sea lions when all of a sudden someone pulled both my fins off! I whipped around to see the dive shop owner swimming away with them. She had managed to sneak up on me, unbuckle them and yank them off. So there I was, trying to swim after her (useless) and laughing so hard I couldn't keep my mask from flooding! Got her back later with the same gag.
Neil
DameDykker
May 31st, 2002, 03:18 AM
On a divetrip to Palau we were doing safety stops in the deep blue away from the reef. To pass the time we started doing underwater ballet and walzes! I bet the sharks found it rather peculliar!
jamespitt
May 31st, 2002, 04:42 AM
hi neil,
cozzie = swimming costume / bikini or whatever.
how many times bigger do things look underwater? 25%!!
later,
james
Airhead
August 13th, 2003, 08:40 PM
O.K. folks, I don't usually do anything but watch out for my own butt (and my buddy) on a dive, but here is one I heard about that seems harmless.
Canned Cheeze Whiz will not only perform like spray string (Kid's toy), but is enjoyed by most reef fish as it disintegrates.
Use your imagination! a small can smuggled down in a pocket can provide an unusual distraction to an ordinary dive if sprayed at an unsuspecting member of the group, in your own hair, etc. And as I said, the smaller fish in the reef will come out to enjoy every bit of this delicacy.
Dive safe, Airhead.
Jonathan
August 13th, 2003, 09:04 PM
merge you into
OK Charlie99 you win :) Never considered the option that it may have been a reply to this post....
Whichever I have, as you can see, merged them
Jonathan
AggieDad
March 31st, 2005, 02:17 AM
O.K. folks, I don't usually do anything but watch out for my own butt (and my buddy) on a dive, but here is one I heard about that seems harmless.
Canned Cheeze Whiz will not only perform like spray string (Kid's toy), but is enjoyed by most reef fish as it disintegrates.
Use your imagination! a small can smuggled down in a pocket can provide an unusual distraction to an ordinary dive if sprayed at an unsuspecting member of the group, in your own hair, etc. And as I said, the smaller fish in the reef will come out to enjoy every bit of this delicacy.
Dive safe, Airhead.
My dive instructor told me that he once had a class with a couple of teen age boys that thought they knew everything and that nothing was serious. At the lake for their OW dives he always tells the students to bring a can of Vienna Sausage or cans of Cheese Whiz. While down on the platform the catfish and perch get so thick you cannot see each almost. Anyway while doing their skills he motioned to them to hand them the can of Cheese Whiz and while they looked at him and prepared for the required skill he opened the can and squirted a stream of cheese whiz across the faceplate of their masks. Naturally it looked and probably seemed as if they had been attacked by piranha's. The two boys calmed down and worked hard after that.
hecker-the-wrecker
March 31st, 2005, 10:43 AM
On my first wreck dive in Lake Superior (the Hesper) We were just about to go up the bouy line & my friend motioned me to "come over" He started to hand me some small stones. Every stone he picked and looked at with great interest, turning some over, throwing about every third one away. After I dropped one, I thought the world was comming to an end, had to start over. I had 17 stones cradled in my arms, and I was stuck to the bottom. Then I was concentrating so hard on holding the stones, I never noticed my "buddy" was up the bouy line laughing his mask off!!! This was his twisted initiation ritual. I can't wait until the "new guy" goes with us!!!
DennisW
March 31st, 2005, 10:56 AM
A nice trick to do on a newbie is to lead the dive and near the end, after making sure the boat will be exactly over your shoulder, turn around to the newbie and give the hand signals for "Where is the boat?" I saw Walter do this with my wife, Donna and she had no clue where the boat was at the time. Maybe not a real funny gag, but it is interesting. I thought it was funny at the time.
scubatwinned
April 13th, 2005, 11:53 AM
I was diving in NZ, we were going to dive the Rainbow Warrior. Everyone is loading the gear on the boat when this guy walks up. He has a wet skin on that is so tight really does not leave much to the imagination. He has 4 knives on his legs(2 on each leg, on the calf, and the thigh) Has these wrap around dark sunglasses on and 2 more knives in his hands. We sort of stand there looking at him, I could not hold my tongue and told him fetish diving was 2 slips over... off he went and gets on board some guys boat before we can stop him and all hell breaks loose, this guy is yelling and swinging a paddle at him and the poor basterd has no clue... We of course are howling with laughter. The dive master had to do a little fast talking to calm the boat owner down. Imagine someboby getting on your boat with all these knives... The guy gets on our boat with his tail between his legs but still put the new knives on his bc. He had about 20 dives and this was his first wreck dive. He figured that he would be able to reach at least one of the knives if he got stuck...
cancun mark
April 13th, 2005, 02:13 PM
jamespitt,
I'm sure that will be funny and sexy as hell as soon as you tell me what a "cozzie" is. :)
Neil
Cozzie is just the Australian word for "Togs"
lol
cancun mark
April 13th, 2005, 02:18 PM
I have a rubber snake that I keep in a pocket for boring dives.
When you pull the snake out from und a rock or inside a jug sponge (where you have hidden it) it actually looks like it is swimming. I fight with it for a little while, then take my reg out, bite its head and let him go limp.
his name is Jake, and he has dived with me in nine different countries now.
DennisS
April 13th, 2005, 02:54 PM
A Navy diver I know told me that they used to put a cockroach in the helmet of newbies, just before they locked it on and sent him down.
scubamate
April 14th, 2005, 01:18 PM
Anybody who knew Dan when he owned Gilboa Quarry knows who much he prized his trout. He paid for everyone of them and considered them pets.
I wanted to stop a the fish market on my way to the quarry and seeing as we were camping there, invite Dan to dinner. Imagine the look on the poor man's face when we handed him a skillet fried trout for dinner.
Godly_Diver
April 15th, 2005, 02:13 PM
Keep in mind this is a Caribbean dive so all I'm wearing is a T-shirt and a pair of swimming trunks to dive in.
I had bought a chocolate candy bar at the store before the dive. You know where this is going? When we did our second/shallow dive (I had put the unwrapped candy bar in a zip lock sandwich bag ahead of time) I had the candy bar in my BC pocket. Once down I made sure to be just behind my group of friends so I could reach and get it out of the bag before anyone noticed. I did this then put it down the front of my shorts and then got their attention (I have one of those emergency alert air horn things on my BC hose and told them ahead of time to listen for it and it would signal that I seen something good). When they turned around all they saw was this brown stuff coming out of everywhere around my shorts and me shaking the bottom of my shorts as if to try and get it all out. Of course the fish from the reef had gathered to clean up the mess by now so it really added to the effect. I was laughing so hard in my BC I almost actually went to the bathroom. My dive buddies were doing the same except for my friends wife who had instead been suffering from a little sea sickness to begin with and this sent her over the edge and she proceeded to get sick through her regulator and the fish were having a field day to. Man do I wish we had a video camera on that dive it was a classic moment that is just hard to put in to words how great it worked.
Dude, this is the best one I've read so far...what a great moment it must have been!!!
scubatwinned
April 16th, 2005, 11:39 AM
A video would have been very funny of that moment!!! Sort of a simular thing... I was diving a wreck in the tropics and I had only been there a few days... My stomach was not quite right yet. We got down to the ship and into a hold at 25 meters or so. The pressure?? along with the looseness of the situation was causing the inevitable... On my slate I wrote I had to release some wildcats and showed my buddy Rich... so I went off to a dark corner, light off and dropped my shorts hung upside down and began to laugh. Rich had not fully understood what was going on and came over to see what was up... His light caught my attention and as I released a grease cloud I looked over to see his eyes fill his face, disappear in a burst of bubbles and him swimming away fast... I did not think eyes could get that big... I hit my head on the bottom after loosing all the air in my lungs from laughing so hard...
Scott Riemer
April 16th, 2005, 12:08 PM
Me and a buddy were diving with Deep Blue in Cozumel. At our safety stop, the Divemaster, Gabriel, pulls a hand puppet out and drops it down in front of my buddies face. his reaction was pretty funny.
DrSteve
April 21st, 2005, 10:05 AM
Not so much of a gag. But in the BSAC system you have to swim 200m with 4lbs of weight around your waist. Well one of the guys gave the next guy to swim a weight belt with a mere 22lbs of weight (and he was struggling to hand it to him), the guy put the weight on and within 1s was at 4.5m in the diving pit. He didn't panic! But I think it shows the benefit of learning both metric and imperial systems!
bergersau
April 22nd, 2005, 02:48 AM
A mate of mine had another friend sneak up on him at the end of a safety stop. He mounted my mates tank like a saddle, reached around my mates head and pressed his 2nd stage purge - then held on for the ride!!
