Dork Divers Certification Classes – Suggest Course Outlines

[Teamcasa]

Dork Divers Certification Classes – Suggest Course Outlines

I would like to see specific course outlines for specialty classes and certifications. For instance:

Dork Diver Gear Specialists: The Dork Diver will be trained in recognizing gear that not only fits well but serves a purpose for the Dork Diver. They will learn that the gear color or lack of it will not effect the operation of this equipment. In addition, they will learn that any gear, kept in operational condition, serviced regularly, will not kill you. You will also learn that yellow snorkels have an additional use!

Dork Diver Rescue Specialty: The Dork Diver will be trained to spot divers who are distressed by unruly and rude NDD’s (Non Dork Divers). They will learn how to treat this unruly, know-it-all-rude-I-told-you-so-my-gear-is-better-than-yours diver. Instructors will walk DD through situations where they learn to cope and that their actions will have no effect on the Dork Diver’s fun.

Dork Diver Photographer Specialty: The Dork Diver will learn that it is not necessary to spend $20,000 to get the underwater snapshots of you and your friends having fun.

Dave

[markr]

Dork Diver Boat Specialty (DDBS):
The Dork Diver (DD) will learn how to enjoy themselves even in the presence of Non Dork Divers (NDD) who are bragging about their exploits or the dollar value of their equipment. The DDBS student will also learn how to be helpful and friendly to other divers in the cramped confines of a dive boat, without being meddlesome or annoying.

[scarefaceDM]

Ah...well DORK DIVERS - Multi-use snorkel certification Specialty

Course outline
1- What a snorkel is.
2- Different models and colour significations
3- How to dress for success using a snorkel
4- How to choose the right snorkel for every occasion
5- Self-defence using a snorkel
- How to do a swim attack on an unsuspecting buddy or intruder
- How to effectivley defend yourself against an attacker
6- The use of a snorkel for an apres dive beverage.
7- Care and maintenance of your snorkel and accessories

Upon completion of the Snorkel specialty, the student diver will have learned the basic characteristics and design of the snorkel and its proper use. Also how the snorkel can be an effective tool in self defence and how the snorkel can be adpated to his or her environment.

A certificate of completion and a nice iron on badge will be given to the successful student.

:D

[paradicio]

DDSACS: Dork Diver Surface Alcohol Consumption Specialty: The Dork Diver will learn how to effectively raise alcohol tolerance to assist in dealing with surface intervals. Ths course will also include a brief section on how to effectively pee off a boat (regardless of gender) in the case of an OOB (out of bladder) emergency. Dork Divers taking this specialty will be required to BYOA (Bring Your Own Alcohol), but will be provided with an exceptionally large pink or yellow snorkel which can be easily converted into a straw for larger tropical drinks.

[merxlin]

Dork Diver Deep Specialty (DDDS):

The DD will be trained that any depth reached and returned from is the appropriate depth and therefore "deep enough". Witty retorts will be practiced for the occasional non-DD comment about their depths reached, starting with the subtle but effective slightly raised single eyebrow of skepticism. Additional replies, such as "hmmm" and "really?" can also be added. "An hour or two of deco or another dive or two, I think I'll go for the extra dives" is also appropriate.

[ClayJar]

Dork Diver Gaming Specialty: The Dork Diver will be trained in the various aspects of having fun playing card and board games underwater. The Dork Diver will learn what modifications may be required to surface games to make them playable underwater. This specialty requires a minimum of one gaming dive, which can be confined or open water. (If the gaming dive includes ScubUNO, ISOSAD will provide free membership to the Dork Diver upon the completion of the course.)

(And if you'll allow a sponsored specialty, like that one agency...)

Dork Diver Hazelnut Specialty: The Dork Diver will be learn that local diving can be fun, too. The Dork Diver will be trained in methods of redirecting the derision of I-can-afford-REAL-vacations divers, quarries-are-for-sissies divers, and several other classes of NDD, while learning that while vacations are *great*, there are a lot more weekends. (Specialty provided in loose, unofficial association with the Hazelnut Scuba club.)

[merxlin]

Dork Diver Master Dork (DDMD)- Combines any three or more specialties. Preferred is the boat-snorkel-SAC combo (BOSNOSAC) where DD's shall learn the intricacies of using a snorkel to drink after completion of the days boat diving. Elective class- Basic Unscheduled Regurgitation Practice (BURP)- To be used when practicing excessively for the BOSNOSAC class, or rough seas coming home. :l:

Completion allows you to always refer to yourself with pride as First name, Last name, DD, MD. Impressive yet meaningless.

[C Chris]

DORK Out-of-Country Souvenir Shopping (DOCSS)-
The DD will be trained in the fine art of shopping for those "must have" souvenirs on foreign shores. This will include, but not be limited to:

1. Negotiating the price down to something reasonable versus the "sticker price"... particulary in the Caribbean and Mexico.
2. How to tell the difference between authentic local crafts and imported stuff.
3. How to tell the difference between Black Coral and Black Plastic.
4. How to tell the difference between hand made embroidery and machine manufactured.
5. How to shop the "back street" stands versus the main street tourist traps.
6. How to dress so that the merchants don't say to themselves "Bingo - we we've got a target".

[DiveMaven]

Dork Diver Surface Interval Specialty (DDSI)

The DD will be trained on how to enjoy a surface interval while being social and inviting to other divers. DD will learn the signs that uptight divers make to avoid annoying them while reaching out in a friendly manner. DD will also learn the warning signs of uptight divers who should not be approached and avoided at all times.

[zen_man]

I just wanted to say that I love you people! :froggy:

[Jim Ernst]

This entire thread has been and is very educational:rofl3: :rofl3: :rofl3: :popcorn:

[Teamcasa]

This entire thread has been and is very educational:rofl3: :rofl3: :rofl3: :popcorn:

Yea, try this one!

http://www.scubaboard.com/showthread.php?t=188874

Dave

[merxlin]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim Ernst
This entire thread has been and is very educational



Yea, try this one!

http://www.scubaboard.com/showthread.php?t=188874

Dave

You forgot to tell him he'd need A LOT more popcorn..........

[Jim Ernst]

Yea, try this one!

http://www.scubaboard.com/showthread.php?t=188874

Dave

Awesome Dave!!

Now all we need are Dork Divers jacket patches and bumper stickers!!!:D

[zen_man]

Awesome Dave!!

Now all we need are Dork Divers jacket patches and bumper stickers!!!:D

They have bumper stickers!
http://www.cafepress.com/dorkdiver.133479341
I was just thinking about getting one....and maybe a coffee mug too! :blinking:

[Jim Ernst]

They have bumper stickers!
http://www.cafepress.com/dorkdiver.133479341
I was just thinking about getting one....and maybe a coffee mug too! :blinking:

Order Placed !!:)

[zen_man]

Now all I need is a new car to do a new bumper sticker justice!:rofl3:

[Teamcasa]

Now all I need is a new car to do a new bumper sticker justice!:rofl3:

Do you need a referal to a local dealer?:D

Dave

[merxlin]

Awesome Dave!!

Now all we need are Dork Divers jacket patches and bumper stickers!!!:D

Make sure you sew the patch immediatly next to a Rescue, Instructor or DM patch and wait for the fun! I can almost see the head shakes and wrinkled brows now. :confused:

[Diver-Sixx]

:popcorn:

[erparamedic]

This thread rocks! I'm such a Dork Diver... and like ClayJar... I love the Dork Diver Gaming Specialty! (I'm also a co-founder of ISOSAD! ;))

[coach_izzy]

Has anybody thought of Dork Diver insurance? I'm sure all Dork Divers already carry DAN, after all they're dorks :) but there may be contingencies that DAN will not cover and that's when Dork Diver insurance comes to the rescue... any ideas?

[fisherdvm]

Dork Diver Spare Air Specialty - Learn how to use your spare air as underwater weapons, noise maker, etc. How to make decorative flower centerpiece for your table using spare air bottles. Using your spare air to dust off the furnitures, under the bed, etc.... Learn to make bubbles using the Spare Air bubble maker kit to entertain your kids.

It is not the size that counts, it is how you use it!

[fisherdvm]

Has anybody thought of Dork Diver insurance? I'm sure all Dork Divers already carry DAN, after all they're dorks :) but there may be contingencies that DAN will not cover and that's when Dork Diver insurance comes to the rescue... any ideas?


Dork Diver insurance should cover for emotional symptoms when other divers (DIR especially) snears and giggles at the sight of a lone dork diver. Dork divers should always dive in groups and carry LARGE knifes, to silent these mean spirited folks. But as true dork divers, who have feelings, we can get hurt. I suggest that our DD insurance should cover for a minimum of 20 short term therapy sessions with a PhD/MD level therapist.

We also need to have dork diver support group, that will help us to cope with our feelings, especially when cruel scubaboard members make fun of our posts.

[ClayJar]

If you care that much about what NDDs think of you, you're not a Dork Diver. If you've never been a Dork Diver, take some of the classes, but if you were previously, you can simply renew.

(I'd still recommend the Gaming Specialty. It's just plain fun, and you'll certainly get over your non-Dork-ness.)

[merxlin]

Dork Diver insurance should cover for emotional symptoms when other divers (DIR especially) snears and giggles at the sight of a lone dork diver. Dork divers should always dive in groups and carry LARGE knifes, to silent these mean spirited folks. But as true dork divers, who have feelings, we can get hurt. I suggest that our DD insurance should cover for a minimum of 20 short term therapy sessions with a PhD/MD level therapist.

We also need to have dork diver support group, that will help us to cope with our feelings, especially when cruel scubaboard members make fun of our posts.

And in true DD fashion, all limited load sessions will be held just shy of 26 miles west of Long Beach, CA, at a depth of about 40-60 fsw, with our own personal DD, PhD, MD, BMF, DM, MOusE...............followed by SI's where we measure our SAC (surface alcohol consumption) rates.....

[zen_man]

Well, if the insurance is going to cover emotional syptoms, there could be a prerequisite course:

DDGHSC- Dork Diver Group Hug Specialty Course

Great for team building pre and post dives and well, just gives you that warm CareBear Glow! :blinking:

[ClayJar]

Well, if the insurance is going to cover emotional syptoms, there could be a prerequisite course:

DDGHSC- Dork Diver Group Hug Specialty Course

Great for team building pre and post dives and well, just gives you that warm CareBear Glow! :blinking:But to a diver, isn't "feeling blue" a *good* thing? :D

[zen_man]

But to a diver, isn't "feeling blue" a *good* thing? :D

hehe, good point! :D

[Jim Ernst]

Make sure you sew the patch immediatly next to a Rescue, Instructor or DM patch and wait for the fun! I can almost see the head shakes and wrinkled brows now. :confused:

Consider it done!! LOL!

[fisherdvm]

Have we started working on a DD divemaster program? Since chicks dig divemasters, can we offer this professional level badge?

[ClayJar]

Badges?!? We don't need no steenken badges!

[J.R.]

Hummm... just a thought... but it might be useful to have a 're-hab' program ("12 Step" ... of course) for all those out there who have fallen from the grace of diving by becoming overly involved in some of those "other organizations"...

It would probably be tougher to take someone who was never properly raised a Dork... or was a natural-born Dork and convert them to Dorkish ways... there is simply too much to unlearn.

We would share our oceans, our bars and our air with another diver in need of water, a drink or a breath... should we not also reach out to those ensnared in the fishing tackle of the "if you don't do it our way... YOU'RE GONNA' DIE" crowd?

... just a though...

[J.R.]

... we could designate them "D.I.T.'s" (Dorks In Training)

[J.R.]

... we could be "D.O.T.'s" (Dork Official Trainer)

[J.R.]

Badges?!? We don't need no steenken badges!

No badgers??? :shakehead

... how'zbout decals for my tank???

[ClayJar]

... how'zbout decals for my tank???Sure, but we don't need to be all stuffy and call them "decals". They're stickers, aren't they? :D

[J.R.]

Sure, but we don't need to be all stuffy and call them "decals". They're stickers, aren't they? :D

I am stuck on stickers... cuz' stickers is stuck on ME!!! :rofl3:

[GA Under Water]

Awwww I wanted a DDHF Iron On patch to go between my Rescue and Dive master patches.

[scarefaceDM]

DORK DIVERS UNIT!


Fight for your right to...............Configure your gear as you want and wear your snorkle...as long as you have taken 5 specialties and of course the -HOW to open a beer using the snorkel specialty....then you are rockin your self to Dork ville...

There should be a liveabord somewhere that will cater to Dork Divers...

Peace

[ClayJar]

Okay, just so I don't start feeling left out with all the alcoholic courses... :D

Dork Divers Sobriety Specialty: In this course, underage and otherwise non-alcohol-consuming Dork Divers will learn means of having fun while others are inebriated. Unlike non-fun-based morality approaches to sobriety, this course ignores the "perils of drink" and instead concentrates on enjoyable aspects of sobriety, such as the additional dives available while others are drunk, the entertainment drunk people can provide, and the wonderful world of not being hungover. (Dork Divers with this specialty certification are qualified to lead drives.)

[Teamcasa]

See http://www.dorkdiver.com/specialty_courses.htm

Dave

[merxlin]

.........There should be a liveabord somewhere that will cater to Dork Divers...
Peace

There is, it's the Andrea Dorkia.......

Sorry, had to. :eyebrow:

[trucker girl]

Dorks Underwater: Neat Gear, Happy and Eager to Add Pleasure Specialty.
DUNG HEAPS

This is the Intro to Dork Diving. DD learn to enjoy both their own necessary gear and their impulse-purchase gear, such as the orange shovel. DD learn to spot other DD based on neat gear configurations. Accessorising is a bonus skill learned in this class. Having a good time, as always, is the goal. Learn to have fun in the face of the fun-killing NDD.

[trucker girl]

DDLRS
Dork Diver Leisure Reading Specialty

DD subscribe to and study dive magazines. Course materials include Dive Zero, Sport Diver, Scuba Diving, and of course Dive Training. Extra credit given for Alert Diver (DAN membership required) and proof of reading while seated on the throne.

A dork diver is always learning...

[erparamedic]

DDLRS
Dork Diver Leisure Reading Specialty

Extra credit given for Alert Diver (DAN membership required) and proof of reading while seated on the throne.

:rofl3:

And DUNG HEAPS :rofl3: :rofl3:

[merxlin]

DDLRS
Dork Diver Leisure Reading Specialty

DD subscribe to and study dive magazines. Course materials include Dive Zero, Sport Diver, Scuba Diving, and of course Dive Training. Extra credit given for Alert Diver (DAN membership required) and proof of reading while seated on the throne.

A dork diver is always learning...

Will it be explained how to keep your legs from going to sleep if you read on the throne for too long?:confused:

[trucker girl]

Will it be explained how to keep your legs from going to sleep if you read on the throne for too long?:confused:

The perils of throne sitting will be included in the course materials. However, the perils of throne sitting when someone else finds out that your legs have fallen asleep inherently create a "fair game" scenerio for that candid shot. This works out to your favor because you'll receive extra credit if the candid shot is posted publicly.

There are benefits to throne sitting, as well. Including but not limited to:

1. A sense of ownership. While you're there, no one else can use the bathroom.
2. A sense of accomplishment (no explanation needed).
3. A sense of smell.
4. A sense of peace and comfort- after all, where else but the throne are you truly accepted for who you are?

[trucker girl]

DTOXS
Dork Travel- Orienting and Xpectations Specialty

Dorks learn the intricacies of various methods of travel both to and from the dive site. The course is broken down into two equally important categories. Land travel and Air travel. In the Land Travel category, DD learn that it's okay to drive to the dive site because many inland dive sites aren't accessible by air. They also learn (in conjuction with the Dork Diver Sobriety Specialty course) that at least one DD must be sober for the drive home. In the Air Travel category, DD explore the possibility that becoming a nudist might just be the solution to all those frustrating security delays.

[trucker girl]

DEWS
Dorks Enjoy Wildlife Specialty

DD learn that looking at the pretty fish for the sake of looking at the pretty fish is fun. DD learn that it's not necessary to inform all the other divers on the boat that you can identify 32 out of 33 species of whatever you saw down there. DD also know that identifying fish can be pretty darn cool if done in a helpful and fun manner. DD are required to learn what a nudibrach (http://www.gran-canaria-diving.com/dive-photo/Uncommon/slides/Nudibrach.html) is and how to identify it because, after all, who doesn't like saying "nudi"?

[trucker girl]

Dork Diver Photographer Specialty: The Dork Diver will learn that it is not necessary to spend $20,000 to get the underwater snapshots of you and your friends having fun.



The natural evolution of this specialty would be:

DD-DCS
Dork Diver Disposable Camera Specialty.

aka DD-DUCS (Dork Diver Disposable Underwater Camera Specialty

DD learn to care for their disposable underwater cameras, including tips to get that perfect shot, tips for rinsing your disposable camera pre- and post- dive. Tips for managing multiple disposable cameras with one hand. Emphasis on having a good time despite the guy on the dock with the $20,000 camera. After all, if you're camera floods, you're only out $8. Extra credit for pictures of divers with yellow snorkels. ;)

[trucker girl]

I need to stop now. This is starting to take over my life.

[ClayJar]

(We weren't going to say anything. It would be against the Dork Divers' Creed.)

[Teamcasa]

I need to stop now. This is starting to take over my life.

Do you ever - really stop?:D

Does your truck ever get out West and do you ever dive out here?

Dave

[fisherdvm]

Can you really order those T shirts FOR REAL??? Is this dork diver thing for real??

I am tempted to buy some shirts, but just wanted to check for sure.

[Teamcasa]

Can you really order those T shirts FOR REAL??? Is this dork diver thing for real??

I am tempted to buy some shirts, but just wanted to check for sure.

Yep - Its real! Have fun and wear the shirts proudly!

Dave

[trucker girl]

Do you ever - really stop?:D

Does your truck ever get out West and do you ever dive out here?

Dave

I'm actually quite stopped right now- and have been for about a week and a half. My hubby dropped me home for a break.

We DO get out west- there isn't a whole lot of truck parking "near Pasadena" so we tend to hang out in Ontario (those lovely TA truck stops!) and Irvine/Anaheim or Carson when we're out your way!

Never been diving out there. I don't carry my gear with me (though I'm going to try to sneak some of it in when hubby's not looking this trip out...) and my husband doesn't dive (he is decidedly ANTI diving due to a horrifying Discover Scuba experience). I did get to go diving a couple of years ago in Monterrey. I would LOVE to dive Catalina!

I get the feeling that the divers from Sports Chalet will laugh at me and call me a dork.

[trucker girl]

(We weren't going to say anything. It would be against the Dork Divers' Creed.)

(Thanks for the moral support.)

[merxlin]

I'm actually quite stopped right now- and have been for about a week and a half. My hubby dropped me home for a break.

We DO get out west- there isn't a whole lot of truck parking "near Pasadena" so we tend to hang out in Ontario (those lovely TA truck stops!) and Irvine/Anaheim or Carson when we're out your way!

Never been diving out there. I don't carry my gear with me (though I'm going to try to sneak some of it in when hubby's not looking this trip out...) and my husband doesn't dive (he is decidedly ANTI diving due to a horrifying Discover Scuba experience). I did get to go diving a couple of years ago in Monterrey. I would LOVE to dive Catalina!

I get the feeling that the divers from Sports Chalet will laugh at me and call me a dork.

We'll find you parking out here. Just to be clear though, you do want the truck back right? Cause that does narrow it down a bit.

TOS of DD prohibits me from a Sport Chalet comment. Lets just say a good laugh and "Dork" calling would be had by ALL...:D

[trucker girl]

TOS of DD! Ha ha!

Yes, the truck in one piece and no extra paint work would be nice!

[trucker girl]

A.D.D.
Advanced Dork Diver

This course teaches the DD to take it to the next level. Don't just act like a dork, be a dork. ADDs bring dorkiness to all areas of their life, not just diving.

[trucker girl]

DD-QRKS (aka quirks)
Quick Reply to Kibbitzers Specialty

While other courses intersperse retorts into the course materials, this is where things heat up. DD will speed drill so that their replies, while polite and fun, are instant. Hesitation, and thereby any natural insecurity, will be trained out of the DD. Special attention given to creative replies and personality. Multi-lingual replies provided for those overseas trips. Learn the phrases "you're gonna die" and "that's a good idea" in at least 12 different languages. Smiling required.

:)

[drbill]

Dave,

Do you plan to conduct classes out here at the dive park? If so, I'll have to plan to be present since this could be quite hilarious. Love the sense of humor by the way.

[Teamcasa]

Dave,

Do you plan to conduct classes out here at the dive park? If so, I'll have to plan to be present since this could be quite hilarious. Love the sense of humor by the way.

Bill, These classes are conducted everyday at the dive park (and at every dive site on the planet) almost everyday! You just have realize we all have been enrolled since day one!

It would be great to have a special event on Catalina to celebrate the DORK Diver in all of us!
(Bill did I tell you the chicks dig it!):eyebrow:

Dave

[drbill]

(Bill did I tell you the chicks dig it!):eyebrow:

Dave

In that case, SIGN ME UP!

[ClayJar]

Oh, nooooooooo! All the TODD names are kaputski! I'm going to have to be creatively entertaining all over again, lest the Tour Of Dork Diving get washed away in the Great ScubaBoard Time Warp of '07. :eek:

:D

[RoyN]

Are you gonna do the Dork Diver Photographer Specialty soon?