Super secret DIR equipment? Post your stories (all in good fun)

On a recent trip to the bahamas for the stuarts cove shark dive I decided that since I was only doing two dives on my entire trip I wasnt going to lug around all my gear. I brought only my regulator complete with long hose. I rented all other equipment including a jacket BCD, and plastic full foot pocket fins. I was alone so I was paired up with an insta-buddy from PA. While going over our pre-dive equipment checks I asked him his experience with long hoses and explained how if the situation were to arise where I needed to donate he would get the regulator in my mouth. I explained how the backup around my neck is mine and my primary regulator in my mouth is attached to a 7' hose. I asked him if he had any questions about my gear setup and he proceeded to tell me his normal dive buddy uses a 15' primary hose and wraps it numerous times around his body. Is this secret knowledge only obtained at the Cave 4/Tech 4 level? Before we jumped in he also looked at me and asked "You aren't going to do anything crazy are you?" implying that long hose divers will sometimes go crazy? I couldn't help but laugh in my regulator for the first 10 minutes of the dive thinking about the conversation I just had. He turned out to be a good buddy and we had no problems.

Who else has some funny stories involving the DIR equipment list or diving philosphy?

I felt like an emperor in his royal threads when I wore my hp130's on my Seaquest BC w/ I3 inflation system. I decided I didn't need no stupid drysuit and slung a HP80 for good luck. The stabilization bars worked great but my DIR buddies were giving me hard looks. I must say the elevator button should be commended, what a great idea. I think the super secret part of it is what a little birdie told me "GI3 invented the I3 system" but dropped the G to avoid suspicion.

Sorry guys, I know you're just trying to have fun, but I'm really not getting a good vibe out of this thread. I don't think this a good public image for DIR to be associated with. Just IMHO.

Gombessa:

Sorry guys, I know you're just trying to have fun, but I'm really not getting a good vibe out of this thread. I don't think this a good public image for DIR to be associated with. Just IMHO.

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That's definitely not what I intended it to be, more of a place for us to make fun of ourselves. I was also extremely bored at work last night

only issue I had was my first day of check out. I was climbing on the boat and the skipper looks over and sees my backplate "oh crap your one of those DIR @$$holes aint ya?" Uhhh... no sir?
other then that the only problem I have is scrambling across the beach wearing double 120s with a slung 80 and having people stand in my way "wow, that looks heavy"

If you would like to delete my post, I'm OK with that. Just to clarify, true story, but it was a controlled experiment aimed at sarcasm.

I remember doing a night dive in Curacao a year or so ago and the DM was talking to my insta-buddy while pointing at my rig (one piece harness in particular) saying "Now take note that he has a non-standard configuration which will present several significant problems in an emergency..."

He: "Isn't that dangerous?"
Me: "Why?"
He: "If there's a problem, I won't be able to get you out of your gear."
Me: "Just cut the webbing."
He: "With what?"
Me: "Don't you have a knife or other cutting instrument?"
He: "No, why do I need one?" (And I'm diving a non-standard rig?)
Me: "Never mind, I have three. Here, here, and here..."
He: "How do I know if the problem is severe enough to cut you out of your rig?"
Me: "Just start cutting. If I tell you to get your ****ing hands off my gear, I'm fine. If I don't respond...keep cutting."

I think the funniest one for me was the very pleasant, earnest man who came up to me at a dive site and said, "Wow, you're really diving those antique fins?" He proceeded to reach into his car and pull out his TwinJets and patiently explain to me how much better a fin they were than my Jets. I smiled and thanked him nicely, and took my antique fins diving anyway.

(The same fellow said, "You have hundreds of dives, and you don't dive with a pony bottle yet?")

RJP:

I remember doing a night dive in Curacao a year or so ago and the DM was talking to my insta-buddy while pointing at my rig (one piece harness in particular) saying "Now take note that he has a non-standard configuration which will present several significant problems in an emergency..."

He: "Isn't that dangerous?"
Me: "Why?"
He: "If there's a problem, I won't be able to get you out of your gear."
Me: "Just cut the webbing."
He: "With what?"
Me: "Don't you have a knife or other cutting instrument?"
He: "No, why do I need one?" (And I'm diving a non-standard rig?)
Me: "Never mind, I have three. Here, here, and here..."
He: "How do I know if the problem is severe enough to cut you out of your rig?"
Me: "Just start cutting. If I tell you to get your ****ing hands off my gear, I'm fine. If I don't respond...keep cutting."

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Long hose / short knife. I bet he was really confused!