Divers Song Parodies

[TexasMike]

An offshoot of something that's going on in the Redneck Diver's thread....

NetDoc has shown his talent for creating some interesting parodies to well known tunes with a slight bend/twist/mutilation towards diving. And he's inspired me to think of a few.

So, if the rest of you have requests, or would like to come up with a parody yourself (meaningful look at Iquana Don), feel free to post away.

And the one that started this bear's repeating:[list]Originally Posted by NetDoc
Hey all,

I was so inspired by Texas Mike's last bit o' prose, that I had to re-write Monty Python's "I'm a Lumberjack" song. My apologies to the original author(s) in advance...

I’m a Scuba Canuck, and I’m OK!
I sleep all night and I swim all day!

I blow out bubbles,
I hunt wild shells,
I wear a dry suit too!
I wear my woolen booties
And stay down till I’m blue!

(refrain)

I seek out wrecks,
I walk their decks,
Under the seven seas!
I hang out in the Women’s area
Of Scubaboard, if you please!

(refrain)

I wear high heel fins
A women’s wetsuit,
Panties and a bra
I wish I was a girlie,
Just like my dear Papa!!!


(refrain X2)

[NetDoc]

I gots talent???

I kin be somebody???

I knew this board rocked!!!

Anyone gotta hanky so I kin wipe the tear from my eye???

:tease:

[NetDoc]

The Warhammer Manuever song!
(sung to the tune of the Volcano Song)
(again, my apologies to Jimmy Buffet and all my fellow Parrot Heads.)

I was divin’ under the sea…
Funny feeling comin’ over me!
My tummy’s turning in agony…
Hopefully I just gotta pee!

Well, I don’t know,
I don’t know…
I don’t know where I’ma gonna go,
When the Warhammer Blows!

My hands start to tremble, my foot starts to shake!
I feel like I can fill this lake!
Gas, she’s comin’ out of my suit!
When I go, it’ll be a hoot

(refrain)

Divers swimmin’ everywhere…
Making signs to “Please Beware”
My Dive Master’s looking kinda green!
Waitin’ for me to blow this scene!

(refrain)

Now it’s comin’ out smooth and hot!
Not sure what disease I’ve got!
There’s a brown tide formin' under me!
Pretty soon, I gotta flee!

(refrain)

But I don’ wanna land in no Stroker’s spring,
I don’ wanna land where I gotta sing!

I don’ wanna land in no Texas Swamp,
No, I don’ wanna land where it’s only damp!

I don’ wanna land on no island early!
I don’ wanna land where the divers are surly!

I don’ wanna land on a bunch of sharks!
I don’ wanna land in a Disney Park!

(refrain X2)

[Ontario Diver]

The Rescue Diver's song (to the tune of Rescue Me)

Rescue me
I'm feeling Neptune's charm
Rescue me
Don't hear my depth alarm
Still descending in the blue
I need you and ascent too

Come on and rescue me
Come on buddy and rescue me
Come on buddy and rescue me
'Coz I need you, Look in my eyes
Can't you see that I'm Narced out
Rescue me

Swim over and see my gauges
Ain't read them in nearly ages
'Coz I'm not breathing and I'm blue
I need you and your air too

Come on and rescue me
Come on buddy and rescue me
Come on buddy and rescue me
'Coz I need you by my side
Can't you see that I'm drowning
Rescue me

Rescue me
Should have worn my Ne-o-prene
Rescue me
Jellyfish make a real cute scene
Fire Coral that I swam through
Sea Wasps and that Man-o-War too
Come on and rescue me
Come on buddy and rescue me
Come on buddy and rescue me
'Coz I need you, Give DAN a call
Can't you see that I'm reacting

<Just imagine a really good horn section>

Apologies to all; Just Call Me Jazz Diver, goin' down in them Muddy Waters

[jbd]

My wife is really up on all the tunes you guys & gals are using for you song parodies. She knows nothing about diving but I showed her the songs anyways. She wanted to know what the Warhammer Manuever was. So I found the picture for her. The contortions she went through(nearly turned on her head) to figure out what was going on and the look on her face when it dawned on her what she was seeing was priceless!!! --- for everything else there is MasterCard. Thanks guys for a great laugh!!

[Mario S Caner]

LOL, you guys are too much. I'll think I'll pass on this thread, as I'm sure I will get my butt into some serious trouble ;)

LOL!

[seaangel]

I found this past weekend that there is an album or tape out there with diving song parodies, it is call Scuabadoo or something like that. If anyone has heard of it or knows where I can get it I want one. So far though your songs are great and we need to get them recorded.

Bottoms Up...Bubbles Up!!
Cindy

[Greg G.]

This comes in handy on those long surface swims...

To the tune of 99 Bottles of Beer

99 divers with air in the water,
99 divers with air!
If one should happen to get the bends,
98 divers with air in the water!

(And so on and so on).

[scubadweeb]

Not to chastise Ontario Diver however, it's Aretha Franklin who sings "Rescue Me". And don't worry, you've already "got me back", I've been singing the dang song (with your lyrics) all evening! (It's great, really)!

[NetDoc]

NetDoc slaps Scubadweeb with a big fish for the halibut, and says... "You are a cod, sir! I've haddock with you"

Or was that... "Frankly Scallop, I don't give a clam!"???

:tease:

--I know, I know... different song, same old tuna...

[Ontario Diver]

Is it Punday Night already?

(As he tosses his glass into the fireplace.)

[NetDoc]

A Spider Robinson fan, I presume???

:tease:

[Ontario Diver]

A credit-cardless templar traveler..

So; is diving like Callaghan's, cause the object is to get tanked?

[NetDoc]

and we're never sure what we might run into...

You do realize that we are probably the only two on this board who know what we are talking about.

:tease:

[Ontario Diver]

Righto Doc. I am...in the interests of safety - refraining from any Doc Webster <> NetDoc comments.

To the others of this fine place: if you like puns check out some books by Spider Robinson. (Callaghan's CrossTime Saloon, Time Travellers Strickly Cash, and the others)

And now back to our regularly scheduled thread....

A Song anyone?

(Thanks Doc... It doesn't hurt when I do this :D )

[NetDoc]

To the tune of "A wish is still a Wish"

You must remember this…
A fish is still a fish…
A shrimp is still a prawn!
The ocean waves just keep,
Going by…

And when two divers sink…
Deep beneath the drink…
Their breathing must go on!
Cause if they run out of air…
They die!

And so I say, Mon Frere,
Be sure to check your air
On that you must rely!
Cause we don’t want to bid
You...... goodbye!!!

[TexasMike]

I'm a Callahans regular myself. As is SeaWolf and Corsair.

[OceanSpirit]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified,
diving to this sunken wreck will be suicide.
I would have planned a little more,
I would have redundant kit galore,
If I'd known for just one second,
It was 120 metres from the surface to the floor!

I tried to quit, walk out the door,
But you forced me up the gangplank and I
can't reason anymore
And now we're sitting on the wreck, my bravado
has vanished-not a trace
I only hope my regulators can keep up
with the pace!

I want to go, I want to leave,
before nitrogen narcosis makes me want
to heave
I wish I'd taken notice of my depth gauge's
readings with more care
And used a Trimix cylinder instead of one with air!

I can't believe, I doing this
It's all because you said that
this dive should not be missed
Now I've lost my mouthpiece, you've kicked it out of place,
this should be lots of fun, not a bloody relay race!

Please come back, come back to me
I've just snagged on some old netting
and my mask is full of sea!
Your skills as my old buddy, are as rusty as your kit
if you leave me one more time, I'll be truly in the ****!

And so on................ :loopy:

[TexasMike]

Well done!!!

[OceanSpirit]

Just a little something I tossed off in the Caribbean (as Noel Coward would say)............:tease:

[sactomags]

I can feel the magic waiting under there,
Scuba diving calls me 'neath the waves
I watch the sunlight dance across deep blue
And I've never been this swept away.
All my thoughts just seem to settle on the sea
when I'm cradled in its arms.

Chorus:
Cause all I do is breathe
while underneath the sea
And suddenly I'm floating free,
there's nothing left to say
Baby, all I need is just to breathe.
Caught up in the thrill
slow and steady chills
Baby, isn't that the way scuba makes you feel?
I just need to breathe.

In a way I know the seas are calling me
to come back again and soon
Close to nature is what I feel
And I know, and you know
There are no words for this feeling.

CHORUS

I can feel the magic waiting under there
scuba diving calls to me that way ....

(darn, its been WAY too long since I hit the water, but by sciatica is only now about healed ...)

Margaret

[NetDoc]

Youse guys... you justa bringa tears to my eyes!

To the tune of "That's Amore"

When the eel bites your hand...
and you feel they should be banned...
Thats a MORAY!!!

When a fish bites your leg...
and leaves you just a peg...
Thats a Shark, hey!

There's no need to feel alone in the water...
Just put your hand somewhere you know you shouldn't otta...

When your hand it starts to sting...
and your ears they start to ring...
Thats a Jelly fish

Please keep your hands where they belong...
and you'll be safe to sing this song...
That's justa my wish!!!!!

[Ontario Diver]

Until there is a Northern Chapter of the Texas Swamp Diving Team, I can only dream of my chance to partake. I hope that I captured a small bit of the magic.....

The Green Swamp of Texas
(Sort of along the tune of "Yellow Rose of Texas"

There's a green swamp down in Texas, I'm going there to dive.
And if I do it rightly, I'll come back out alive.
The water's green like frog skin, It's where the cattle fart.
And if I find my buddy, we never more shall part.

It's viz is nearly zero, that Texas swamp of mine.
The smell is something awfull, It smells like turpentine.
You can keep those reefs of coral, and keep the rolling sea,
But the green swamp down in Texas, is the only dive for me.

Oh, I'm going back tomorrow, I'll drive there in my truck.
C'mon down and join me, just swiming in the muck.
I'll surface at the max time, and be happy at my task.
Cause this time under water, saw hand in front of mask.

It's viz is nearly zero, that Texas swamp of mine.
The smell is something awfull, It smells like turpentine.
You can keep those reefs of coral, and keep the rolling sea,
But the green swamp down in Texas, is the only dive for me.


('way too much "Lone Star")

Regards my friends....

[TwoBitTxn]

Great job Ontario...


Bravo


LMAO

Tom

[SubMariner]

{Throws glass into fireplace}

Make that THREE people, eh?!

~SubMariner~

[keralucu]

How did I miss the start of this thread????

...... ;-0 with laughter....

ROTFLMA OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well done Pete (of course :p), TM (as usual;)) and now OD... a previously unknown talent has emerged.

Hey Pete - what happened to "Everybody must get narced"?

[TexasMike]

Ouch! Stop it!!! My sides are hurting!!!

LMAO!!! (wipes off splatter from monitor)

That one get's a prize. As soon as we get the logo finished and printed on something, I'll send it to you.

(and yes, Pete, you've already earned yours.)

[NetDoc]

(My apologies to Mr Dylan, and everbody anywhere who loved this song...)

Everybodys got to get narced!!!

They narc you when you dive too deep!
They narc you so bad, you want to sleep!
They narc you and you don’t want any help…
They narc you and you try to smoke the kelp!

Oh I wouldn’t go and kiss that shark…
But EVERYBODYS got to get narced!

They narc you when you’re dive beyond your tables…
They narc you when you are feeling able…
You may not think they’re narcin you!
But everyone can see that you’re narced too!

Oh I wouldn’t want to keep you in the dark…
‘cause EVERYBODY”S got to get narced!

They narc you when are divin’ air…
They narc you so that you don’t even care!
They narc you when you’re breathin NitrOx too…
They keep on narcin you until you turn blue!

Oh you shouldn’t do it on a lark…
But EVERYBODY”S got to get Narced!!!

You’re narced while you’re talking to a grouper.
You’ve narced yourself into a stupor!
No, that octopus don’t want your air…
You’re giving everybody quite a scare!

You can’t do this at a Disney Park…
EVERBOY needs to get narced!!!

[TexasMike]

Very well done!!!!

Pete, surface intervals with you must go pretty fast. All we gotta do is hand you a Mr. Microphone and let you do standup as we laugh off the N2!

[TexasMike]

I just remembered that this thread is like the "Song Styles" game on "Who's Line is it Anyway".

Next Challenge:

Something to "Pinball Wizard" from The Who, and I'll leave the choice of title up to you.

[large_diver]

Couldn't ignore this thread forever...here goes --

DIR CAVE WIZARD
(Sung to the tune of Pinball Wizard)

Floats still as a statue
Becomes part of the scene
Breathing off the long hose
Gear config so clean
Backplate and harness
Frog kick and no yoke
That big bad George Irvine
Says do it DIR or you’re a STROKE

He’s a DIR cave wizard
You must do it his way
That DIR cave wizard
An ego bigger than the milky way.....

Lurking on the internet
Always looking for a fight
Issuing proclamations
For how to “Do It Right”
Shouting down his critics
Until they feel pint-sized
That big bad George Irvine
YELLS that all us STROKES are going to DIE

He’s a DIR cave wizard
You must do it his way
That DIR cave wizard
An ego bigger than the milky way.....

-----------------------------

And hats off to OD below...my memory of the verse sequence is a little off ;-)

[Ontario Diver]

This one has appologies to all Madonna fans:

Like A Diver

I made it through my PADI class
Somehow I survived the pool
Wrote the test and got my pass
Now I feel cool

Got some gear, never fear
Visa Card, Creditlimit grew
But a big scuba deal
Yeah, and a tank made of steel
Regulator too

Chorus:

Like a Diver
Under water for the very first time
Like a Diver
When the table reads
Ascent time

Four open water dives, boy
My cash is fading fast
Waiting for my C-Card now
'Cause the mail aint fast.

Its arrived, time to dive
Advanced course, yeah adventure time
Oh night, wreck and deep
Yeah; now Nav to complete
Another C-card is mine

(chorus)

Oooh, oooh, oooh

Rescue dive and still live
Taking courses 'till my last dime
'Cause I gonna go far
Yeah, I'll take DIR
Until its DiveMaster Time

(chorus)

I'm a diver, ooh, ooh
Like a diver
Swimming at on-thirty-five
When I'm under, and I blunder, and the Coasties arrive

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Ooh, baby
Now I'm in the chamber,
For the very first time?

(The above is a work of fiction, any similarities to any incidents or persons wet or dry is purely coincidental)

[Mario S Caner]

Haha, Ontario Diver, it's funny how I haven't heard Like a Virgin in many many years, yet I was able to sing your lirics to her rythem! LOL! :D

[Ontario Diver]

Sorry TM, a little slow on the submit button,

How's this -

Hardhat Diver

Ever since I took up SCUBA
I've logged my every dive
From Bonaire down to Thailand
I've always come up stil alive
But I ain't seen nothing like him
On any diveboat deck
In canvas, lead, and hoses;
Dives on any wreck

He stands encased in canvas
Held down by lots of lead
Wears a big brass helmet
Mark Five set on his head
Feed from the surface
a long line pumping air
That guy going under
Sure knows his way down there

He's a Hard Hat Diver
He shows no edge of fear
A Hard Hat Diver
Don't need no SCUBA gear

How do you think he does it?
(I don't know)
What makes him so good?

He ain't got no regulator
Don't wear no tank or guage
Isn't down to be a tourist
Dives from a different age
Always goes back under
Goes deeper on a dare
That guy going under
Sure knows his way down there

I thought I was
a Seahunt Diving man
But I just became
A Hard Hat Diving Fan

Watch him do his diving
He's really got it on, sir
You know his favourite move
Is alway "Men of Honour"
Never heard of Cousteau
No rubber does he wear
That guy going under
Sure knows his way down there


(OK,OK the last verse is a stretch.....)
Pete; I can't wait (Luckily I don't have a boss right now....)

[TexasMike]

L_D, very good. And better than what I was thinking of...

I was messing with the chorus of "Deaf, dumb, and blind diver" or something like that.

[TexasMike]

Ontie!!! LOL! Another good one!!!

You two do realize that if we every do have a Neptune Divers mass Group Dive, we will probably ask you to perform some of these!

Especially if we can find a Karaoke machine!

[DivingGal]

I was pointed to this thread by good ole Ontario Diver. What a hoot. I'm still laughing.

[SubMariner]

These are just toooooo funny!

I didn't realize what a creative bunch we had on this board. :D

~SubMariner~

[NetDoc]

Has any one else noticed that the majority of the "ruined songs" are by OD, LD and ND??? Is that D as in Distressed??? Diseased??? DEMENTED!!!

And Ontario... I bow to your skills, sir! Ah, Grasshopper!
The student has become the teacher!

However ALL of the songs have been excellent!!!

:tease:

[NetDoc]

To the tune of "Free Falling"

"Free Diver"

I am swimming
Over the reef now
And I look down
To the depths below

I will go there
All on one breath now
With no air tanks
Just in case you didn’t know

CAUSE I’M A FREE…….
FREE DIVER!!!!
(don’t need no air tanks to go down below)
Yes, I’m a FREE-ee-ee-eee-eeeeee
Free Diver….
(don’t ask him why, ‘cause you don’t want to know)

All on one breath,
I go to the bottom
Don’t blow bubbles
Or make any sounds

Got my speargun
Ready for action
Want a grouper
Or better, make it two!

(refrain)

Now my face is red
From hyperventilating
Then it’s turning blue
From lack of oxygen

I get a head rush
From all of this diving
You don’t have to push me
It’s what I want to do!

(refrain X2)

[NetDoc]

To the tune of Do-Re-Me

Jaws...

JAWS……. A mouth, a great big mouth
TEETH……The things that kinda crunch
BITE………The friendly sharks "hello"
US……….. His favorite juicy lunch
BLOOD…. That turns the ocean red
CHOMP… That means the sharks has fed
GULP…… That's what the shark just said…
That will bring us back to
JAWS! JAWS! JAWS! JAWS!

AND... I want to dispel a popular myth about sharks here...

You do NOT have to swim faster than that thar shark!

Nope, just swim faster than your buddy and you will be alright!!!

:tease:

[Ontario Diver]

Pete, DivingGal, Butch, Kane(adian); this one is for you guys especially;

It's based on a old East coast Shanty (Thanks Great Big Sea)


Scuba Diving (From Donkey Riding - trad.)

[chorus]
Whey, hey, and away we go
SCUBA diving, SCUBA Diving
Whey, hey, and away we go
Diving underwater

Have you been to Toby-more
You can dive from boat or shore
If you like wrecks there's always more
When you SCUBA diving!

[chorus]

Have you dove under Polar Ice
diving dry, they say is nice
diving wet, you don't do twice
When you're SCUBA diving!

[chorus]

Have you dove down Kingston way
From Brockville across to Picton Bay
O'er a hundred wrecks; there are to play
When you're SCUBA diving!

[chorus]

Have you dove off the BC coast
Swam amongst the Pacific host
Seen an Orca, Now you'll boast
When you're SCUBA diving!

[chorus]

Have you dove off Pene-tang
Of which the mariners often sang
No need for a deco-bar to hang
When you're SCUBA diving!

[chorus]

Have you dove Les Ecoumins
Don't go there if you want to tan
See Beluga and become a fan
When you're SCUBA diving!

[chorus]

Have you been to Parry Sound;
Run out of air, you just might drown,
But there's a beer store right in town
After Scuba Diving --- note the politically correct change to promote safe diving.....

[chorus]

Dive below the thermocline
Canadian Diving's rather fine
So much so with friends of mine
When you're SCUBA diving!

[Last chorus, everybody join in!]

[scubadweeb]

(To the tune of enery (Henry) the 8th)

I'm airing the 8th, I am.
Airing the 8th, I am, I am.
Full to the rim read the divers console,
They've been diving 7 times before
And every one was an airing - (Airing!)
Wouldn't have a breather or a trox - (or a trox!)
It's the 8th ole' can I'm airing,
Airing the 8th I am!

[scubadweeb]

(The the tune of Stayin' Alive)

Well you can tell by the way I'm on this dock,
I'm an ocean man, no time to talk,
Using gear that I have worn,
I've been in the sea, since I was born.

Now it's all right. It's okay.
I'm here to dive another day,
We can try - to understand,
Scuba Dive's effect on man.

Whether you're a brother or whether you're another
I'm staying to dive, staying to dive.
Air tastes delicious and I'm swimming with the fishes,
I'm staying to dive, staying to dive.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, staying to dive...

[Mario S Caner]

Someone needs to start throwing these on some tracks... cause there's some funny ones here! There are CD's dedicated to diver song Parodies by the way, but I think we've got some real talent here!

[NetDoc]

This thread continues on "Hey ScubaDweeb". DOne by accident... is there a Regulator in the house that can marry these two threads???

[Warhammer]

Can't marry them, or move the individual posts here, but I changed the name of the ScubaDweeb thread to "Diver Parodies Continued (http://www.scubaboard.com/forums/non-diving-related-stuff/3289-diver-parodies-continued.html)" and closed this one. Maybe KN or LD can rearrange it later.

BTW, people, if you're wandering who that is in the manuver pic, it's NetDoc! :)