Funny scuba experiences?

I haven't seen a thread like this in awhile. Perhaps people can post funny scuba experiences they've had? I know instructors often have some very funny stories of what they've done during the final check for dive master canidates. And I'm sure there are plenty of silly scubaers (my word) with stories to tell.

Post away If I can think of anything I'll post too, but I'm a newbie diver and don't have many experiences to draw from

We were gearing up for a dive. My buddy threw his regulator down and danced around and screamed that there was a roach in it. He said "I could feel its antennae on my lips!" I looked in his mouthpiece and the thing flew out at my face. I screamed and threw his regulator down and danced around some. A woman in the parking lot watched this and just about sprained somthing she was laughing so hard at us.

I had just speared a very very very large crab (4-5lbs is my guess) and worked it out of it's cranny when the DM (thinking about feeding his guests no doubt) pointed out a second crab to me. So, I pulled the first crab off the spear and handed it to the DM holding it by the backside -- for some reason, rather than grab it by the backside (where it couldn't reach him with its claws and was easy to control) the DM looked at those great big huge claws and decided those were the thing he wanted to hold onto. To my utter surprise he grabbed the crab by both claws and the wrestling match ensued. It was touch and go, but in the end the very exhausted DM won... watching the two of them battle was highly entertaining to say the very least.

Coming back from a shore dive and the wind had really picked up. The surf moved in a wall of Lions Mane jellies that now formed a gauntlet between us and the beach.

We were wearing hoods and gloves so it wasn't too bad. We both got raked across the face a few times. So we get out, and get our gear off, and I ran into the bushes to relieve myself.

Suddenly I felt like I was on fire "down there"

Apparently I had tentacle pieces on my palms that were not strong enough to sting through the thicker skin. When they hit my "more sensitive" areas it was like a blowtorch between my legs

To make it worse, we were over an hour from home, and I had to drive because Jen can't drive a stick shift. Her laughing and trying to hide it didn't help either

It hurt just reading that. . .but funny! ut:

On his 1st trip to the Keys to lobster a friend of mine was so intent on getting in the water before the more experienced divers onboard that he assembled his gear and threw it overboard thinkinking to put it on and get to the bottom 1st.To his dismay he'd forgotten to put air in the BC.The other diver and I took our time,harassed him one more time and got in.We took our time and finally put some air in it on the bottom.Fortunately we had anchored in 30' and the vis was gin-clear.To this day we make a deal occasionally to "insure" he's aired his BC up or put it on in the boat.

On my second dive of my open water certification my buddy and I geared all up in the parking lot and then proceded to make the long walk down to the beach. as we are ion the beach doing a buddy check we come to checking for the right hand release of the weights...well...that is when we realized neither of us had our weight belts on. I volunteered to run back up the hill..in the middle of the summer..in a dry suit...when I arrived at my truck I realized that it was locked and that my keys were in my pant pocket....so back down to the beach I go to get my buddy to help undo my drysuit and help me get the keys..so there we are on the beach...my drysuit down to my waist and my buddies hand reached in trying to fish the keys out of my pocket....I am sure it was quite the site. Finally we both put on our weight belts and had a very goof dive.

I Will never ever forget a weight belt again

I was diving with a friend when we came across a pretty large sea turtle...

I sneaked up from behind it, grabed it from both ends (left and right).... till now, the turtle did not notice me...

I kicked my fins back a bit, so that I would slow it down... the turtle slowly in a bored kinda look, looked back and saw me!

Warp 5 ... Engage! that thing went light speed, and I was grabbing on for the fun of it, I released after some time... looked around? no buddy? I had to surface, I was around 200 meters (yards) from where I was supposed to be!!! could not stop laughing...

My buddy (Divemaster in training) and I (dive scrub) were doing a night dive in at a scuba park in the local lake. Viz in the lake is 10 feet on a good day so there are lines connecting the various sunken boats and platforms. We were following a line when all of a sudden she stoped dead in the water. She checked her compass and her air, made some weird "turn around" signal at me and then took off at full speed in the opposite direction down the line.

I was trying to figure out what was going on. She couldn't be out of air because people out of air go to the surface or grab your air. She couldn't have dropped something because there was no way to find anything at the speed we were going.

At the surface I asked, "So what was that?"
She said that for some reason she got it in her head that we were about to get sucked into one of the dam's turbines! I guess they don't run lines like they used to!

To her credit, the line did run toward the damn. The weird part is that she took me to this park for some of my first post OW dives and following the same line I got it in my head that we were getting close to the dam and that it would suck to get sucked in there! I distinctly remeber thinking, "Now just relax, Jennifer knows where she is going and would not swim us into a turbine...."