Proper weighting is a process of fine-tuning over time and it changes with different environments, gear, exposure protection, and even with those dreaded +5 lbs one gains on one's last vacation but can't lose (...I resemble that last remark :shocked2
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Proper weighting shouldn't take "fine-tuning over time." I realize that that's what ends up happening for a lot of divers.
A weight check needs to be done correctly
once in order to achieve proper weighting. If a diver changes his gear, then another weight check should be performed. Bear in mind that a neoprene wetsuit will lose its inherent positive buoyancy with use, so this may contribute to a gradual, modest decrease in the weighting requirement over time. Moreover, a diver's lungs can compensate for a substantial amount of buoyancy swing ("full" vs. "empty"). This particular point should be considered when conducting the weight check, i.e., don't do anything "weird" with your breathing or else you'll arrive at an inappropriate amount of lead.
Whether the OP is over-weighted primarily depends on: (1) how much weight was in his lost weight pocket and (2) the weight of the gas in his tank at the time.
One diver's weighting requirements are absolutely irrelevant to another's. (This comment is in reference to the OP's wife's weighting issues.)
If a diver doesn't know how to determine proper weighting in his current gear (conventional jacket-style BC?), then switching over to a BP/W won't really solve his problem. One still has to do a proper weight check with the BP/W.
Isn't proper weighting being taught in OW classes nowadays?
I would think that this should be one of the more important topics taught, since proper weighting impacts buoyancy control...and safety.
My OW instructor had us do at least one weight check at the beginning of a class dive and another one at the end of the dive. By the end of class, we all knew how to conduct a proper weight check.
Since then, I've encountered a surprising number of divers who don't know whether they are properly weighted. Most of these folks don't understand how to do a quick-and-dirty weight check with a full tank at the beginning of the dive. They don't realize that they can compensate for the weight of the gas in the tank in determining weighting requirements (for the typical AL80, that's approx. 5-6 lbs.).