Teaching family. Good or bad idea?

[50Fathom]

Not sure if this should go in "Basic", but I figure here I can hear from both the instructors/DMs as well as the "student side".

My brother is coming back to the US in a few weeks after his Army commitment is up and wants me to teach him to dive, (I'm an instructor, so it would be legit). I told him I would and I feel comfortable that I could teach him well and get him down the right path from the get-go.

My concern is that, well, he's family, and sometimes when teaching family a skill-set, it can be "too close" and emotions and arguments and other crap can get in the way, inhibiting learning.

Our dad was a pilot and a CFI, and when I was younger I told him, "you could teach me to fly!"

He turns to me and goes, "no way. You're my son, it's 'too close'. I'll pay another instructor and not even think twice."

(I never wound up learning for a variety of reasons, but anyhow...)

I am wondering if anyone here has ever taught family to dive, whether it was brother, sister, cousin, parent, or significant other, and what your thoughts are on it? Of if anyone was taught by family and if it was good to go, or if they would have rather gone to a third-party.

Should I teach him, or have one of our other instructors do it?

[Togalive]

Try to find a way to hook him up with another instructor for cheap if he's willing to. Then, offer to be his first dive buddy :) While diving itself could be a great bonding experience, any stress you experience from the experience of one brother teaching another could undo things. Just play it safe if possible and once he's certified keep him diving, he'll thank you later :)

[jseteroff]

I would also agree. I am not a SCUBA instructor, but I have tried to teach family other skills and it has always been stressful. Its difficult to try to correct someone that is so close to you. Too many times it may be seen as a personal attack rather than you trying to help.

[TSandM]

I recently had the experience of trying to do a refresher with someone who had, in the past, been a very close friend. It was a mess. I found my professional judgment constantly being tainted by my desire to have things work out well because the student was my friend. I do not think it's a good idea to teach people where your motives are complicated. (BTW, I ended up telling her I didn't think she should dive any more. It was an incredibly hard thing to do.)

[divermike1011]

I am currently teaching my wife OW. We have an agreement that if it proves too contentious for either one of us we'll happily pay for someone else to take over training. Thus far it is going well, although I think this will be the one and only family member I train.

Michael

[NWGratefulDiver]

It's not always the case, but relationships do get in the way of the instructor-student dynamic ... and as a result, what is offered as constructive feedback often gets received as criticism.

I used to be a ski instructor. I tried teaching my (then) wife how to ski. It was hopeless ... she'd take everything I told her badly. So I asked another instructor friend of mine to take her skiing and work with her on some technique issues. At the end of the day she was raving about what a great instructor he was. When I asked her what he told her, it turned out to be exactly the same things I had tried talking to her about ...

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

[DevonDiver]

I would never teach a family member or partner to dive. Never have, never will. It's too difficult to establish a proper instructor-student relationship.

[ZenDiver.3D]

I think it depends on the dynamic between your brother and yourself. I would never teach my kids to dive- I had them taught by fellow instructors. I am teaching my son to drive, however. If you and your brother have a relationship that is clear about the teacher-student positions and expectations, you will have a great time. That is often hard to achieve with close family and friends.

I would say I am glad I am not you right now, having to make this decision and plan. Good luck.

[Jim Lapenta]

Two divorces taught me never try to teach a wife anything new. Adding to their knowledge can work if they already have the basics. My GF was in the rescue class I taught last weekend and it worked well. But then she was already a good diver when we met and there were 7 others in the class. She was buddied up with a good friend and I'd trust him with my life. When my son got certed I was a DM and still had to step back. I was nervous and overly critical (in my head anyway) of how he did some of the skills. I had to realize that it was hard for him to do some of them they way I did because while he is ok around the water, I was raised with a pool. He was not.

MY brother has asked me to teach him several times. But he always finds some way to throw a wrench into even starting. We are not that close but our personalities clash after too much time together. He also does not seem to understand that I'm not going to tone down or shorten my methods to meet his schedule. Most recently he asked me about two months ago. That is not going to happen as he has had some things come up that will preclude him from taking classes for oh 6-9 months depending on what the judge says:shocked2:. Celebrating a new job can delay many things if you overdo it and drive.:depressed:

[ThomasScherrer]

I am not an instuctor (yet)
my wife wanted to start diving, so I helped her out a bit on the side,
and I hired the best instructors I could find, both for her OW and AOW courses,
after this she is my #1 dive partner, and we always help each other improving skils,
and we also repeat some of the most important skils in pools when we get access to one,
stying confident with all skils and keep improving and learning new things all the time is important.

If I had been a very experianced and very skilled instructor, I would not see any problems teaching my wife,
she is a perfect student !
But I can not say the same if it was my brother, we will maybe end up in a fight.. man and we are tool old for that stuff any more.

[tstocum]

I think you've gotten some good advice thus far so I'll only add this; If there is any doubt in your mind that you will not be able to maintain your professional integrity and objectivity throughout your brother's training then hire an instructor who can.

[ClayJar]

So much depends on family dynamics. The default answer is "Just don't do it." You'll never make a right mess of things if you go that way. On the other hand, for some people given particulars of their families, it *can* work out, but you can't count on that in the general case.

With my family, if any of them decided they wanted to dive, I'd teach them without a second thought. All our various personalities and history fit together in such a way that it would work (and already has with two of them). On the other hand, I know more than a few friends who I would pass off immediately without ever getting near a class.

So, the simple answer is don't try it, as it's likely to end in tears. The nuanced answer is *sometimes* for certain combinations of personalities, it can be *wonderful*, but if you guess wrong, it's likely to end in tears. And my personal aside is that if another instructor came up to me and asked me to teach their family member, I would gladly do it free-to-the-instructor (they pay expenses, of course) as a favor to them, and if they want to drop in to help me in the pool sometime, that would be a nice but not at all expected thank you.

(There are two kinds of free, by the way. There's free, meaning "I'll do the bare minimum required to get the card, since I don't value what I'm not paying for." And there's free, meaning "I'm doing this at no charge because I believe it's important enough for me to volunteer my time." If I do it free, it's the latter. On the other hand, if the student is of the former definition, they can pay full-rate and I'll buy the instructor lunch on the next dive trip. ;))

[the wart]

I tried to teach a GF of mine Adv Nitrox.

I gave up during confined when she launched a stage tank at my head :shakehead:

[macado]

This thread is very interesting to me as I'm currently working on my divemaster and have plans to continue onto the instructor level in the future.

I've thought about teaching friends but I've come to a similar conclusion that it would be difficult to establish a good student/teacher relationship. I'm not sure if I would be comfortable teaching Open Water to friends/family.

For friends that I dive with, I've been told I make a great mentor and would be a good teacher as I tend to be very patient with new divers (I can't say the same about being patient with other aspects in my life,only diving).

What are thoughts about teaching specialties to friends/family that are already Open Water certified?

[DivemasterDennis]

As the posts to this point illustrate, there is no correct answer. I have personal knowledge of very positive experiences of father teaching son, uncle teaching nephew, and similar dynamics. I also am aware of attempts to teach family members that did not work out. While I know of no brother instructor/student relationships, I suspect that there will be no problem if the student acknowledges the instructor role and the two of you are otherwise amiable toward each other. If you go forward, do treat the instruction as you would with any other student- no need to become more distant or more forgiving. I have three brothers. One or two I would not hesitate to teach to dive. The other one.. I'm not so sure. I will never tell which one that is.
DivemasterDennis

[divermike1011]

Oh, ClayJar brought up a good point -- with the exception of my wife no one learns for free! The only discounts I offer are to military and disable vets. Not in one of those two categories and you pay full price.

Michael

[50Fathom]

Thanks for all the advice thus far! It's about what I expected as far as the pitfalls and expectations. I guess it really CAN go either way and it does strongly depend on the relationship of the people involved and the personalities as well.

I'm thinking what I'll do is start off teaching him, and during the "softball stuff" on day one and two, like the swim assessment, gear assembly and minor skills, etc. I'll be assessing things and if they are working, proceed forward, with, as one poster put it, the option at any time to hand him off to another instructor.

I think it'll work, but I'm gonna proceed cautiously. Like a porcupine on the make.

[Walter]

I taught my older brother, my son, my sister-in-law, and two of my nephews to dive. We had no issues. It all depends on how you relate to each other. I wouldn't hesitate to teach a family member to dive.