JohnF
Guest
Well, it's done. The Christmas Tree is sunk for the 4th year. It now rests in a new spot thanks to the fellers who planted the sailboat beside the Grumman on Saturday morning.
The participants list reads as follows:
-Slimmy, originator and Ozark speaking cave diver
-QuarryCommando Mike & Stardiver
-Pantihose Mike
-Brian Wagner and his consort Athena
-Joel the RB guy
-The Lesser Wagner, Fireball
-Boogie711
-Biscuit7
-Hobby and his band of Indy miscreants
-Lori and the Silent One (not actually silent but smart enuf to distance hisself from the shenanigans)
-Chandler, The Michigan Attorney retained by the Wagners for their public appearances
-Mike Williams & Jody for salvaging the old tree and desecrations
-Apologies to those missed here. Next time make more noise.
Boogie and I arrived mid-afternoon Friday to find only one bubble blower and Joel doing his RB thang. We quickly donned our gear and hit the water to enjoy the student-free conditions. Then the incursion began. By late afternoon we had set up the Wagner Hospitality Center.
Soon Brian, Athena, Joel, QC Mike, Slimmy, Boogie & I were sitting down to a feast of pistachioes, steamed clams, chicken and sweet potatoes. Joel & Slimmy enlightened us on the mysteries of bubbleless diving. Wagner was remarkably restrained, never once throwing gas on the fire or setting off the sonic cannon. His consort was somewhat less inhibited, skulking around under the table, snuffling our crotches and begging for food. Soon enuf it was time to head to our respective shelters for the night to rest up for the Christmas Tree event on Saturday.
Early the following morning Boogie and I foraged for wood and started a fire while Wagner set the oil aboiling. We laid out the various comestibles in readiness for assembly & frying. My contribution was cherry tomatoes, cheese, ham, onion & basil wrapped in Pillsbury Crescents. As the Lesser Wagner unkindly pointed out, they did look suspiciously like tiny scrota on the platter. The foodstuffs continued to pile up and Wagner put the turkey in the oil to cook.
With food prep under control we split off into groups for the first dive of the day. Just for fun I dove my old Sherwood bcd for the first time in almost 3 years. I've been diving a backplate and wing for a while and had honestly forgotten if a bcd was as awful as some would have you think. Actually, for fun dives like this, it isn't bad. The tank is noticeably less fettered but generally it's not bad at all. I even dived my Sherwood Blizzard with the short hose and survived. 8)
Then we ate. And ate. And ate. Athena, Wagner's consort, slunk around, snuffling our bums as we sat at the picnic tables, leaving her calling card in the form of snail trails on our respective drysuited butts. Everything was deep fried in the turkey oil, Sweet Potato Fries, Turkey of course, Cheese & Garlic Biscuits, Cornbread (not a great idea to deepfry), Cherry Tomato Scrota, Armadillo Eggs, pumpkin pie, pumpkin cheesecake, and sundry items dipped in pancake batter. Deep frying oatmeal raisin cookies is less than spectacular btw. The raisins float to the top and look suspiciously like rabbit poop. Pumpkin Pie doesn't fare well in hot oil either. Snickers Bars dipped in pancake batter are great.
Gilboa's own Jody, the pretty lady who guards the front desk, after devouring several truckdriver sized servings of turkey and sweet potato, gleefully took one of the Armadillo Eggs back to Mike (Williams) with assurances to him that they were delicious. We heard the anguished cries ringing across the quarry, and shortly thereafter Mike charged up on his golf cart screaming for water. Once the internal fires were quenched he sampled the fare but claimed that everything tasted like hot pepper.
Lori brought out a birthday cake for the man in her life and threatened to commit serious mayhem on any Wagner who tried to deep fry a piece. I found the birthday celebration personally rewarding as it meant I was for once not assumed to be the eldest in the company.
The old Christmas Tree was due for retirement and Wagner had found a replacement at an estate sale whilst foraging for stainless steel & canned food. Slimmy and QC Mike planted the new tree in sacrete on Friday night, but apparently didn't realize they needed to add water. Naturally the new tree simply lifted out of it's powdery pail on Saturday morning. Mike Williams came to our rescue and hunted down the old tree, left to decompose behind the helicopter. It was only slightly the worse for wear, the most noticeable deterioration being that the three-legged horse had become Old One-Leg. Mike then went beyond the call of duty, setting a new high bar for customer service in the dive quarry industry by offering to pour real concrete around the new tree's base so it would be ready for the 2004 event. I'll bet you wouldn't get service like that at Dutch Springs. Any wonder we always go to Gilboa. The extra 8 hours of driving is beside the point.
So the tree went in and down, and was settled in it's new home on the foredeck of the sailing vessel sunk earlier in the day near the Grumman. There it will remain until early in January when a few hardy fools will recover it and formally and permanently commit it to it's final rest, probably behind the helicopter, just in case.
As always there was much time spent on reminiscing, discussing absent friends. Of course this year we remembered Mickey Airhog Smith and offered up our thoughts and jibes in a style he would have appreciated. I culled the local farm supply places and even the Cracker Barrel shelves for a suitable tree ornament to be hung in his memory, something "hoggish", but to no avail. The closest I could come was a pink stuffed toy, but somehow it just didn't remind me of the Hogster so in the end the tree went down with nothing except memories and wishes. But rest assured, he was not unremembered.
On a final note, my good wife passed on the festivities this year having attended the last two events as videographer. She's the one responsible for immortalizing Slimmy's Great Condom Application for posterity. During the 2002 event whilst filming the proceedings, she noticed young Slimmy standing sheltered in the trees, his back to the crowd, hunched over and round shouldered, frantically fumbling with something in front of him. Frankly, someone later described it this way "He looked like he was doing something nasty and unnatural to a small forest creature". In any event, poor innocent Wendy went over to help him, unsure of the cause of his apparent discomfort, forgetting she had the video cam running and aimed. She captured for all the world to see the act of peevalve catheter condom application in the wilds.
Slimmy, being a good-hearted Ozark mountain boy, was alarmed when she didn't show up this year, so, concerned that he might have frightened her away, sent home to her as an act of appeasement a condom. I guess it's a mountain boy thang but we didn't have a translator there to interpret everything he said so we may never really know. We did convince him that his used one might be deemed inappropriate so he generously provided a new condom still in the package. Her comment this morning upon finding it on the kitchen counter "Kinda small, can't be from Slimmy?".
And so another Gilboa Christmas Tree event goes into the record books. Thanks to all who participated. It was great food, fun and frivolity. There were no injuries and the attorney's retainer was wasted again this year, but that's a good thing. Perhaps with a few more years of lawsuit -free events, the Wagners will ask for a discounted retainer fee, or at least that Chandler allows Nancy to rejoin the throng. He admitted to fearing for her safety but perhaps after a few more accident free events he'll relent. We want her there. After all, she knows how to install latex seals. All Chandler does is eat and get underfoot taking notes & names of witnesses for possible future legal proceedings.
Finally, our apologies to the neighbouring campers. Believe it or not, we were actually fairly subdued and well-behaved this year. Next year, join in.
Respectfully submitted
John F
The participants list reads as follows:
-Slimmy, originator and Ozark speaking cave diver
-QuarryCommando Mike & Stardiver
-Pantihose Mike
-Brian Wagner and his consort Athena
-Joel the RB guy
-The Lesser Wagner, Fireball
-Boogie711
-Biscuit7
-Hobby and his band of Indy miscreants
-Lori and the Silent One (not actually silent but smart enuf to distance hisself from the shenanigans)
-Chandler, The Michigan Attorney retained by the Wagners for their public appearances
-Mike Williams & Jody for salvaging the old tree and desecrations
-Apologies to those missed here. Next time make more noise.
Boogie and I arrived mid-afternoon Friday to find only one bubble blower and Joel doing his RB thang. We quickly donned our gear and hit the water to enjoy the student-free conditions. Then the incursion began. By late afternoon we had set up the Wagner Hospitality Center.
Soon Brian, Athena, Joel, QC Mike, Slimmy, Boogie & I were sitting down to a feast of pistachioes, steamed clams, chicken and sweet potatoes. Joel & Slimmy enlightened us on the mysteries of bubbleless diving. Wagner was remarkably restrained, never once throwing gas on the fire or setting off the sonic cannon. His consort was somewhat less inhibited, skulking around under the table, snuffling our crotches and begging for food. Soon enuf it was time to head to our respective shelters for the night to rest up for the Christmas Tree event on Saturday.
Early the following morning Boogie and I foraged for wood and started a fire while Wagner set the oil aboiling. We laid out the various comestibles in readiness for assembly & frying. My contribution was cherry tomatoes, cheese, ham, onion & basil wrapped in Pillsbury Crescents. As the Lesser Wagner unkindly pointed out, they did look suspiciously like tiny scrota on the platter. The foodstuffs continued to pile up and Wagner put the turkey in the oil to cook.
With food prep under control we split off into groups for the first dive of the day. Just for fun I dove my old Sherwood bcd for the first time in almost 3 years. I've been diving a backplate and wing for a while and had honestly forgotten if a bcd was as awful as some would have you think. Actually, for fun dives like this, it isn't bad. The tank is noticeably less fettered but generally it's not bad at all. I even dived my Sherwood Blizzard with the short hose and survived. 8)
Then we ate. And ate. And ate. Athena, Wagner's consort, slunk around, snuffling our bums as we sat at the picnic tables, leaving her calling card in the form of snail trails on our respective drysuited butts. Everything was deep fried in the turkey oil, Sweet Potato Fries, Turkey of course, Cheese & Garlic Biscuits, Cornbread (not a great idea to deepfry), Cherry Tomato Scrota, Armadillo Eggs, pumpkin pie, pumpkin cheesecake, and sundry items dipped in pancake batter. Deep frying oatmeal raisin cookies is less than spectacular btw. The raisins float to the top and look suspiciously like rabbit poop. Pumpkin Pie doesn't fare well in hot oil either. Snickers Bars dipped in pancake batter are great.
Gilboa's own Jody, the pretty lady who guards the front desk, after devouring several truckdriver sized servings of turkey and sweet potato, gleefully took one of the Armadillo Eggs back to Mike (Williams) with assurances to him that they were delicious. We heard the anguished cries ringing across the quarry, and shortly thereafter Mike charged up on his golf cart screaming for water. Once the internal fires were quenched he sampled the fare but claimed that everything tasted like hot pepper.
Lori brought out a birthday cake for the man in her life and threatened to commit serious mayhem on any Wagner who tried to deep fry a piece. I found the birthday celebration personally rewarding as it meant I was for once not assumed to be the eldest in the company.
The old Christmas Tree was due for retirement and Wagner had found a replacement at an estate sale whilst foraging for stainless steel & canned food. Slimmy and QC Mike planted the new tree in sacrete on Friday night, but apparently didn't realize they needed to add water. Naturally the new tree simply lifted out of it's powdery pail on Saturday morning. Mike Williams came to our rescue and hunted down the old tree, left to decompose behind the helicopter. It was only slightly the worse for wear, the most noticeable deterioration being that the three-legged horse had become Old One-Leg. Mike then went beyond the call of duty, setting a new high bar for customer service in the dive quarry industry by offering to pour real concrete around the new tree's base so it would be ready for the 2004 event. I'll bet you wouldn't get service like that at Dutch Springs. Any wonder we always go to Gilboa. The extra 8 hours of driving is beside the point.
So the tree went in and down, and was settled in it's new home on the foredeck of the sailing vessel sunk earlier in the day near the Grumman. There it will remain until early in January when a few hardy fools will recover it and formally and permanently commit it to it's final rest, probably behind the helicopter, just in case.
As always there was much time spent on reminiscing, discussing absent friends. Of course this year we remembered Mickey Airhog Smith and offered up our thoughts and jibes in a style he would have appreciated. I culled the local farm supply places and even the Cracker Barrel shelves for a suitable tree ornament to be hung in his memory, something "hoggish", but to no avail. The closest I could come was a pink stuffed toy, but somehow it just didn't remind me of the Hogster so in the end the tree went down with nothing except memories and wishes. But rest assured, he was not unremembered.
On a final note, my good wife passed on the festivities this year having attended the last two events as videographer. She's the one responsible for immortalizing Slimmy's Great Condom Application for posterity. During the 2002 event whilst filming the proceedings, she noticed young Slimmy standing sheltered in the trees, his back to the crowd, hunched over and round shouldered, frantically fumbling with something in front of him. Frankly, someone later described it this way "He looked like he was doing something nasty and unnatural to a small forest creature". In any event, poor innocent Wendy went over to help him, unsure of the cause of his apparent discomfort, forgetting she had the video cam running and aimed. She captured for all the world to see the act of peevalve catheter condom application in the wilds.
Slimmy, being a good-hearted Ozark mountain boy, was alarmed when she didn't show up this year, so, concerned that he might have frightened her away, sent home to her as an act of appeasement a condom. I guess it's a mountain boy thang but we didn't have a translator there to interpret everything he said so we may never really know. We did convince him that his used one might be deemed inappropriate so he generously provided a new condom still in the package. Her comment this morning upon finding it on the kitchen counter "Kinda small, can't be from Slimmy?".
And so another Gilboa Christmas Tree event goes into the record books. Thanks to all who participated. It was great food, fun and frivolity. There were no injuries and the attorney's retainer was wasted again this year, but that's a good thing. Perhaps with a few more years of lawsuit -free events, the Wagners will ask for a discounted retainer fee, or at least that Chandler allows Nancy to rejoin the throng. He admitted to fearing for her safety but perhaps after a few more accident free events he'll relent. We want her there. After all, she knows how to install latex seals. All Chandler does is eat and get underfoot taking notes & names of witnesses for possible future legal proceedings.
Finally, our apologies to the neighbouring campers. Believe it or not, we were actually fairly subdued and well-behaved this year. Next year, join in.
Respectfully submitted
John F
