imaginary scuba gear

[MrMrEZG]

ok here is the deal. The dive shop that I work for has two stores and we are constantly delivering prank calls to the other store, to ask for "imaginary gear". lately however we have run out of ideas and i need some help

here is some of the stuff that we have asked for:

hoseless regulators (yes she fell for it)

flavored nitrox

cave snorkels

batteries for a power inflater

"FB111" the orthepeadic inserts for the oceanic V-Drive fin

the "MACH 389" cruise control for a DPV (a rubber band)

these are all that i can think of right now (it's late). are there any that you guys know of send me a little bit of laughter.

[Fishkiller]

is my computer brand X is giving me the ID ten T error

[syruss32]

Do you have then new Mobbys zipper/velcro free drysuit yet?

How much do you charge for 2 4500psi tanks for a weekend?

[wetman]

electric dive knife

pre-dive deco gas

water cooled drysuit (which apparently are all too common)

[Lost Yooper]

Underwater GPS? :)

[BillP]

Regulator exhaust T muffler (for an u/w photographer)?

There really is such a thing so it doesn't meet your requirement for "imaginary", but they won't know that.

[large_diver]

New "heads up" display mask, with gas pressure, depth and compass heading displayed on the inside of your mask without having to look away

New water-oxygen distiller -- gives you an unlimited supply a back-up gas (oxygen) for use in shallow water (ox tox concerns in deeper water). Device can be attached to a first stage and takes H20 and filters out the hydrogen and produces O2 molecules using a newly developed chemical process, leaving you with pure oxygen.

[TexasMike]

Waterproof extension cord for my dive light?

an Elemenoh Tank valve? (Since there is H, J, and K, the next one has to be "L-M-N-O", right?)

300 feet of shore line?

[TexasMike]

Originally posted by large_diver
New "heads up" display mask, with gas pressure, depth and compass heading displayed on the inside of your mask without having to look awayActually, I think the folks that make the Cochran computers are working on this (so I overheard at a demo by a cochran rep)

[joewr]

What the world needs now:

Glassless mask

Peppermint, strawberry, and chocolate flavored mouthpieces

Electrically heated wetsuit

Auto-reversing fins for swimming backwards

Snorkle extension to use on safety stops

Inflatable lead wt for when you are underweighted

Keeper cord for wts so you won't lose them on an emergency ascent

Joewr...electrically heated wet suit...hmm....

[Butch103]

those automatic ear equalizers....................or the U/W coffee mugs..........

[syruss32]

Electric Mask Defogger

Wiper Blades For the Sherwood Magnum 5 Non-Fogging Mask

Brail PADI recreational dive planner

Digital Underwater Display pad for communicating with your buddy

plastic page copy of the book hunt for red october, mine was lost

Foot Mounted Metal Detector for walking the bottom for treasure

10 Pound Aluminum 80 neutrally boyant tanks.

Quick Release Mechanism for First Stage To change regs in one breath! (now this would be cool)

Lightweight weights that are only heavy when submerged in water

Foldable Dive Caddy to carry all your gear, then folds down and fits in your BCD pocket weights 5 pounds so can be used as weights too

No Ankle Stress Leg Fins, Mounts on the calf of your legs and gives you 10% more propulsion using 30% less energy

Inflatable Fins, easy to Travel with, lightweight

Plutonium Regulator, doubles as a dive light!

Transparent Aluminum Tanks so you can see how much air is left

[syruss32]

It would be interesting to come back to this thread in say 5 years and see if any of these have become more than fiction!

Imagine how many changes have happened in scuba in the last 5 years?

[GP]

The Star Wars SCUBA system from the Episode 1 movie.

[MrMrEZG]

plutonium lined wet suit (nothing will keep you warmer)

water weight (fill them at the dive site for easy traveling)

neutrally bouyant weight system

aluminium weights (they aren't as heavy) (this is the UK version)

[Natasha]

How about a "Glow in the dark" wet suit? Now that would be too cool!
And I wouldn't mind an underwater computer for those times I just have to check my email, but don't want to get out of the water to do it.
:sunny:

[scuba_adventurer]

I believe that Parkway SCUBA tried thos fins that attach to your calves in the eighties. They looked like orthopedic leg braces.

I have seen a 4850 psi tank manufactured by Buechat. It belongs to a paintball guy in my area who bought it in Spain while in the military. It weighs about 150 pounds, so I would love to dive it if someone would carry it to the boat for me.

I like the idea of flavored nitrox, but not if it tastes like compressor exhaust.

[large_diver]

Speaking of paintball.....

How about the new underwater paintball combat set...?

[sactomags]

when there was something you had not taken a picture of before? Or perhaps something that had never been seen before?

How about a warning BEFORE you jump in the water that your batteries are going out in your dive light and/or back up light and they WON'T last for the 30-40-50 minute dive you are about to embark upon?

A hood that dries your hair while you are underwater, perhaps even conditions it at the same time?

A mask that will not give you that diver's snot that is so lovely upon completing a dive?

Dreaming of warm water diving (we leave in just under two weeks),

Margaret;)

[syruss32]

Originally posted by sactomags
A mask that will not give you that diver's snot that is so lovely upon completing a dive?

You mean there is a name for this I thought I was the only one that had these after diving. Maybe what we need is waterproof tissues for diving, so we can wipe during the saftey and snot removal stop so we look clean and clear at the surface...

[sactomags]

that is "diver's snot." Perhaps the mask could have a suction to it that could be activated during the safety & snot stop?

Margaret

[joewr]

Folks,

Besides being the Board Grammarian, I now have to put on my Board Political Correctness Advisor hat...

Please refrain from using the term D....'. S...! The proper term is "Mask Mucous".

This is very important since some members will take offense and truly become quite truculent. Believe me when I say this...I have been there, done that, and now have a new orifice for disposal purposes!

Joewr...hoping this is not the Tek Section...

[sactomags]

I do agree that MM sounds so much more .... something.

I apologize if I offended anyone, it was not meant in that manner.

Live, learn and dive ...

Margaret

[syruss32]

Originally posted by joewr
Folks,

Besides being the Board Grammarian, I now have to put on my Board Political Correctness Advisor hat...

Please refrain from using the term D....'. S...! The proper term is "Mask Mucous".

This is very important since some members will take offense and truly become quite truculent. Believe me when I say this...I have been there, done that, and now have a new orifice for disposal purposes!

Joewr...hoping this is not the Tek Section...

Joe, I use the term Mask Mucous only when my mask is half flooded and I have floaties of unknown origin. When I get to the surface they become DS as I know more what they are.

So you now stand corrected on the correction of my initial incorrection that turned out to be correct. This is correct is it snot?

[Kane(adian)]

glow in the dark drysuit underwear, so that buddies can find you under water

underwater walkman, so that you can dive with tunes

extension hose for the shopvac, so that you can help clean up the ocean

02 cleaned fins

nitrox ready wetsuit

waterproof lunchkit, so you can eat lunch underwater, and still have dry bread

a map to the whole in the bottom of the sea

a GLAD or HEFTY brand drysuit

if they have the o-ring ---> regulator exchange program

[TexasMike]

How about the fitting for my bicycle pump so I can fill my tank myself?

[100days-a-year]

Relative bearing grease for my compass,Receptacle for gas passed u/w so as not to affect bouyancy,post-it notes,Beano for off-gassing problems..........

[Heads Up]

1. The left handed snorkel
2. The lead-free pencil for environmentally friendly slates
3. The farmer-john 2 piece dry suit
4. The waterproof thermos for those long deco stops
5. The waterproof balaclava hood for extra warmth
6. The environmentally friendly reconstituted cardboard 15l cylinders

Some classics here but remember, they're not old 'uns, they're golden!!

[syruss32]

Originally posted by Kane(adian)
Underwater walkman, so that you can dive with tunes


This already exists. It is in one of the catalogs I have and plays CDs or Tapes, don't remember which one. Just what we need a bunch of fish being bombarded with music waves playing John Denver......

[Iguana Don]

Fuel rods fo Atomic Fins

Solar powered dive lights

Rechargeable battery chargers

[NetDoc]

30 feet of shoreline
left handed bubble shifter
An ocean hook...
Microsoft Windows UW (for your dive computer)
Sub Aqueous Pressure Differential Indicator (your SPG)
Semi-congealed Post hyperbaric mask antifog additive(diver's snot)
An adjustable o-ring
A retractable air hose (for DIR, so you don't have 88" hanging around)
Inflata-buddy (don't ask...)
posi-bouyant thermal protection enabler (wetsuit)
Circumferential webbed load enabling accoutrement (weight belt)
OR
Circumferential poly-pocketed load enabling accoutrement (soft weight belt)
Elasticized oticular evironment retention device (mask strap)
Sub-sonic barbed scale piercing projectile launcher (spear-gun)
Fixed mono bladed anti-entaglement tool (knife)
OR...
Articulated poly bladed anti-entanglement tool (shears)
Orally affixed bi-directional serial gas respirator... (second stage)
Primary pneumatic pressure reduction instrument (first stage)
Orally operated sonic distress transducer. (whistle)

:tease:

(hopefully one or two are useful)

[joewr]

Originally posted by syruss32

So you now stand corrected on the correction of my initial incorrection that turned out to be correct. This is correct is it mucous?

Syruss,

It can be truly said that you belong in a correctional institution!

Joewr...somehow the quote just does not have that ring to it...

[NetDoc]

that you two are bi-correctional???

Margaret... NOTHING you said has even started to be offensive...

[sactomags]

How about something that attracts dolphins? (Of course, it should not be harmful to those lovely creatures nor the rest of the underwater environment) ... and would keep the hungry sharks away as well.

A regulator that generates its own air supply would be nice ... although that may create more buoyancy problems.

(Aside to Net Doc: Thanks!)


Margaret

[NetDoc]

You mean...
The marine mammallian specific pheremonic attractants?

and something for sharks, something for sharks...

Anti-legal defense fund?

A barrister banisher???

Or we could distract them by running an ambulance up and down the beach...

OH!... you meant cartiliginous sea creatures, I thought you meant lawyers... my bad! :tease:

(and my apologies to all who are lawyers... you are just too easy prey)

[sactomags]

especially the ones some refer to as the "grey landlords."

Tanks, all
Margaret

[sharpenu]

The 4500 psi tanks exist. They arent used for SCUBA, but for firefighting, HAZMAT crews, etc. see the link to them:

http://www.cascadefire.com/cgi-bin/cfcart/cart.cgi?partno=804101-01

The 60 minute cylinder is 90 cuft, 4500 psi

[sea nmf]

We also call them

"NOSE EELS"

[Dee]

Originally posted by sea nmf
We also call them

"NOSE EELS"


Eeewwwww! :eek:

[N1Hawk]

Choclate Covered Fins





Originally posted by MrMrEZG
ok here is the deal. The dive shop that I work for has two stores and we are constantly delivering prank calls to the other store, to ask for "imaginary gear". lately however we have run out of ideas and i need some help

here is some of the stuff that we have asked for:

hoseless regulators (yes she fell for it)

flavored nitrox

cave snorkels

batteries for a power inflater

"FB111" the orthepeadic inserts for the oceanic V-Drive fin

the "MACH 389" cruise control for a DPV (a rubber band)

these are all that i can think of right now (it's late). are there any that you guys know of send me a little bit of laughter.

[syruss32]

Originally posted by N1Hawk
Choclate Covered Fins


This might not be such a good idea, at 90 feet it might be bad having all the choc-o-holics casing after you trying to steal your fins. Course at 20 feet with 10 or so babes chasing you it might not be such a bad thing to offer to share fins with them....

[UKPhil]

How about...

A large plastic bubble you fill with air and climb inside in order to have lunch / sleep etc. during a dive

bladed fins for skating under the ice

A cone-shaped receptacle on your tank so it can be refilled in mid-dive like the jet fighters do

Infra-red mask to cut through poor viz

x-ray mask for safe wreck penetration

large sail for faster drift dives

rear view mirror

double-ended snorkel for buddy breathing :-)

[syruss32]

Underwater Night Vision Mask!

[Kane(adian)]

Originally posted by UKPhil
How about...

bladed fins for skating under the ice



You could play underwater upside-down hockey. Just need a puck that floats.

[artsprite]

a special purge mask with attachments to your nose so you can blow it underwater

[Kane(adian)]

ring... ring....

"Hi there do you have one of those yellow submarines, like Ringo had?"

[UKPhil]

Do they make talking guages / dive computers? Sounds like the next best thing to a head up display, and useful for visually impaired divers, too!:eek:

[flashover604]

Just want to bump this thread......

[RJP]

Just want to bump this thread......

Actually pretty funny that a few - not many - but a few of the items mentioned 5 years ago as imaginary are actually available now.

[diverdown247]

Do you have an underwater cartridge fed Polaroid camera?

[Jorbar1551]

underwater gps.

submarines dont even have that below the surface...as far as we know

[dive_lover88]

actually all that you have listed can be integrated into 1 thing that goes underwater...a personal SUB!! it can have standard pressure,driver can wear HUD,cofffee isnt a prob,depth not really a big prob(if you can spare the material),gps can be integrated into the HUD,best of all no more flooding of mask(unless you forget to close the hatch).....the list goes on...

[CBulla]

How about a wetsuit for 5'4" guys who have shoulders like a 6'2" guy? Though a dry suit may be more reasonable.....

Then there is the 7mm warmth in a 1m thickness and plyability. :)

[jland800]

underwater cell phone
pocket decompression unit
pocket fill station
Mac's new "I-Dive" computer (it sitting next to the I-POD)
Bladderless B.C.
tankless Scuba system

This is kind of fun. I'm going to have make a call to run a couple of these by my LDS. If the girl answering the phone doesn't catch on I'm going to have fun abusing her at the next club meeting.

[REII]

Underwater toilet paper?

TOM

[CBulla]

I have a photograph demonstrating the lack there of for underwater TP..

[jland800]

I have a photograph demonstrating the lack there of for underwater TP..


oh please....let's not go there!!!!!:rofl3:

[flsar69]

I could use a u/w camera phone with txt mesaging then i could take pictures and txt the boat to send me down another tank.

[mike_s]

How about the fitting for my bicycle pump so I can fill my tank myself?


That we can get for you...

Check this one out.

http://www.potfire.com.au/products/fxpump.htm

Light and compact, this high pressure pump is the perfect way to become independent of a costly high pressure dive cylinder.
The pump has a patented triple action acting system which allows filling to 200 BAR, without the huff and puff associated with previous pumps.
This third generation pump is the latest in the line that started with the Axsor.
It has a built-in maintenance-free condensation filter.
The pump has a 200 BAR DIN fitting
Pump Specifications:

LENGTH: 650mm
WEIGHT: 2 kg

MAXIMUM PRESSURE: 250 BAR

AIR VOLUME: 230 cu. cm per pump stroke

PRICE $400 (Austrailian dollars, about $302 US)