A Charlotte, NC lawyer purchased a box of 24 very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire, among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires".
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued.... and WON! (Stay with me.)
In delivering the ruling , the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated, nevertheless, that the lawyer "held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire," without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and decided to pay $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."
NOW FOR THE BEST PART...........
After the lawyer cashed the reimbursement check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine. This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.
MtnDiver
February 3rd, 2005, 04:30 PM
http://www.snopes.com/crime/clever/cigarson.asp
Green_Manelishi
February 3rd, 2005, 04:38 PM
During a trial a witness for the defense was being cross examined
and the lawyer asked a question followed by the statement:
"And I remind you Mister ... that you are under oath".
The witness replied "I am well away of that counselor, as I am well aware
that you are NOT under oath."
cancun mark
February 3rd, 2005, 04:46 PM
During a trial a witness for the defense was being cross examined
and the lawyer asked a question followed by the statement:
"And I remind you Mister ... that you are under oath".
The witness replied "I am well away of that counselor, as I am well aware
that you are NOT under oath."
I dont get it?????
.
Homer Simpson
February 3rd, 2005, 05:02 PM
This winter it was really cold where I live.
"Well, how cold was it?"
"It was so cold that I actually saw a lawyer standing on the corner with
his hands in his own pockets."
mike_s
February 3rd, 2005, 05:22 PM
"And I remind you Mister ... that you are under oath".
The witness replied "I am well away of that counselor, as I am well aware
that you are NOT under oath."
I dont get it?????
.
He was implying that he knew the lawyer was lying.
Green_Manelishi
February 4th, 2005, 09:51 AM
I dont get it?????
.
Lawyers are not under oath to tell (part of) the truth, the whole truth or anything resembling the truth.
mike_s
February 4th, 2005, 11:29 AM
Lawyers are not under oath to tell (part of) the truth, the whole truth or anything resembling the truth.
yep. I guess that's what I meant.
Neither are cops.
But either of them can lie and get away with it legally but if you do then they can charge you with it. That's something that's not right in our justice system.
simbrooks
February 4th, 2005, 12:01 PM
yep. I guess that's what I meant.
Neither are cops.
But either of them can lie and get away with it legally but if you do then they can charge you with it. That's something that's not right in our justice system.
Lets not go there people ;)
Good joke, sure H2Andy would love it too, he seems to enjoy the lawyer jokes. However that is the first thought that went through my mind about arson....
Green_Manelishi
February 4th, 2005, 01:28 PM
Neither are cops.
My point is that witnesses are under oath to tell the truth, the lawyers are not.
Whether or not the witness tells the truth is something different.
JasonH20
February 4th, 2005, 01:36 PM
How many lawyer jokes are there?
Three, the rest are actually true stories. :)
(I heard that on NPR's "Car Talk")
dlndavid
February 4th, 2005, 01:36 PM
Best part of this thread is your title, "Best Lawyer Story", at least it's posted in the humor section. ;)
The Truth:
A little too slick to be true, and it isn't. No evidence of this case has ever been found and it has been around as an urban legend since at least 1968 when we first ran across it and researched it.
http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/c/cigars-fire-ins.htm
JasonH20
February 4th, 2005, 01:39 PM
You see a lawyer and an IRS agent drowning in a lake. Do you?
A) Go get lunch.
B) Go get a hair cut.
C) Make arrangements for your next dive vacation.
(From NPR too. Can't remember the exact choices, but you get the idea :) )
D_O_H
February 4th, 2005, 01:42 PM
This is one of my favorites:
A little old lady walks into a lawyer's office and asks him to make a few quick changes to her will. The lawyer tells the lady he can make the changes, but it will cost $100. The lady agrees and after a few minutes of work the lawyer hands over the revised will. The lady thanks him, takes a crisp $100 bill out of her purse and hands it to the lawyer.
Just as the lady is walking out the door, the lawyer notices that she accidentally gave him two $100 bills stuck together.
He has a severe moral dilema. Does he...
1) keep the extra $100; or
2) split it with his partner?
H2Andy
February 4th, 2005, 01:43 PM
pretty good jokes all...
the original one (cigars) is good, but sadly, it wouldn't work like that in the real world.
in a civil action by the guy to recover his insurance proceeds, the insurance company
would raise as an affirmative defense that the guy had burned the cigars on purpose,
thus his insurance policy was null and void. i don't see how on earth they could lose.
as to arson... well... that's a criminal matter, and the insurance compnay could
notify the state attorney, but it would be up to the SA to prosecute.
and in Florida, they wouldn't. here's why:
arson in Florida is strictly defined as the "burning of a dwelling or structure."
i am very confident that the law is similar in all other states (except maybe
Louisiana).
thus, burning a cigar wouldn't constitute arson.
simbrooks
February 4th, 2005, 01:56 PM
pretty good jokes all...
the original one (cigars) is good, but sadly, it wouldn't work like that in the real world.
Trust a lawyer to try to correct their own jokes... Do you see me doing that for engineer jokes??? ;)
mike_s
February 4th, 2005, 01:57 PM
What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk
What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities
What's the difference in a Lawyer and a catfish.
Ones is a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other is a fish.
dlndavid
February 4th, 2005, 02:03 PM
Best shark repelant, dive dressed as a lawyer, the sharks will give you professional courtesy.
cancun mark
February 4th, 2005, 02:34 PM
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i. e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1. The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.
2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
3. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."
dlndavid
February 4th, 2005, 02:43 PM
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Funny, but doesn't this belong in the "Change a Bulb" forum? ;)
bubble...bubble
February 8th, 2005, 10:51 PM
Good lawyer joke. Been around since the 60's according to Urban Legend reference: http://www.snopes.com/crime/clever/cigarson.asp
adder70
February 9th, 2005, 09:21 AM
Trust a lawyer to try to correct their own jokes... Do you see me doing that for engineer jokes??? ;)
I think the point is that a lot of people believe that it is a true story. I know of at least one otherwise intelligent person who believed it until reading this.
Engineers would immediately correct a joke, but only if someone tells it wrong! We have a sense of humor and don't care what anyone thinks. That is why the birth control joke was originally an engineer joke. It originally read:
What does an engineer use for birth control
His/her personality.
Jaycee05
February 15th, 2005, 04:33 PM
Speaking of Engineers and Lawyers and Businessmen (well, I had to add the businessmen to get to the point of this post ;) )
The three individuals were arguing about who had the oldest profession. The businessman argued that original bartering between individuals in order to obtain food and shelter indicated that business was oldest.
Not so fast argued the Engineer. The Bible clearly states in the very first book, that God created the Heavens and Earth out of Chaos. That was clearly an engineering feat.
The lawyer smugly stated, "Ah, but first there was Chaos" I win.
Jaycee05
February 16th, 2005, 03:17 PM
Hubble's photographs of distant galaxies indicate galaxies are colliding. Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble Space Telescope, you can actually see the lawyers rushing to the scene...
IGM Diver
February 16th, 2005, 03:48 PM
The original story is great. Thanks for posting it. It's nice when justice prevails and it's not just that "laws" are upheld with loopholes being tolerated and even encouraged. My two cents
ShakaZulu
February 16th, 2005, 03:55 PM
I can't wait for the day they allow us to start hunting lawyers...........
Jaycee05
February 17th, 2005, 10:38 AM
I can't wait for the day they allow us to start hunting lawyers...........
Any person with a valid Texas state hunting and fishing license may harvest attorneys.
Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash," "ambulance," or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within one hundred (100) yards of a BMW dealership.
It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, one hundred (100) dollar bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within two hundred (200) yards of courtrooms, law libraries, *****houses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a State Health Department inspection for AIDS, rabies, or vermin.
It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of enticing, entrapping, ensnaring, or harvesting attorneys.
