Teenage diver quandary

[shark.byte.usa]

I'm having a real quandary with my son right now and need advice from other divers with kid/teenage divers. He got certified in Hawaii [pool and class done in AZ]; we had a great time and did alot of diving beyond his OWC dives.

I didn't buy him gear cuz I knew he'd just grow out of it quickly, and I don't have that kindof money to throw away. Turns out I was right, he's grown probably 6"; gained weight, lost weight, gained weight..since our Hawaii trip last November, he's now taller than me.

During our Memorial Day visit to Socal the conditions were right and I decided it was time for him to break his cherry with CA shore diving [where 90% of my diving is done]; first time he'd been wet since Hawaii and first temperate/lower viz dives; which I don't think was really a factor. However his skills and more importantly to me his awareness had diminished quite a bit and I was really unhappy about that, he wasn't familiar with his rental BC so his buoyancy was awful. When I tried to point out issues, the teenage hormones and attitude reared their ugly head.

I really wanted to take him to the local lake to work on this stuff prior to the upcoming summer months, but at $50+ for rental gear/day, to go burn a couple tanks at the lake [total cost about $100]; due to schedule, school, etc, not to mention what do I do with my daughter while we're uw [single parent], and he's a teenager so anything that comes out of my mouth no matter how constructive and nice I try to put it tends to be taken the wrong way. It just never happened.

Now we have a boat trip to Catalina on the 22nd already booked and paid for; but I am hesitant letting him dive, I am trying to ask myself; am I being overly protective [which I am with both my kids] and overly critical of his skills when he's such an inexperienced diver, I mean I've seen a whole h-e-l-l of a lot worse divers, but I don't have to dive with them and they're not my kid.

How do I get him more experience without going broke on rentals? How do I keep his interest if we are just working on skills and I don't let him go on fun dives e.g Catalina? If I don't let him dive he'll probably just think I'm being an a-hole [what else is new] or lose interest completely.

A little more background, the only gear I am considering for him would be a BP/W with a hog harness, so as he grows we can adjust and he'll grow familiar with it and will be something that lasts for years, instead of rental gear. However, he has already told me he doesn't like shore diving [which nix's about 90% as I said of the diving I do], I don't think he'll like Lake Diving, if he didn't like getting geared up in a 7mm in CA and standing around for a few minutes, It's 10x's worse at the lake in 100+ degree heat and with alot less to see, so what are we left with the occassional boat dive. Not really the return on investment that I'm looking for, I haven't given up on him and shore diving yet, but it'll be a hard sell. He also tends to quit hobbies as fast as he gets into them, his mother and I have spent thousands on gear for various things that never gets broke in, he has a new guitar sitting in his closet, played 1 time. So that's why I'm hesitant about buying him any more gear. If he showed more than a passing interest it would be different; but he's a teen and difficult to read. He always tells others he had fun diving but never me.

I want him to dive, if he wants to, I never force him, I only ask if he'd like to it's up to him at that point, it's really our only common hobby and "quality" time he'll spend with me, but I want it to be safe and FUN for the both of us, I didn't have fun last time.

I'm definitely going to get him on the phone [he's already in CA at the grandparents having some summer fun] and try to have a heart to heart/man to man with him about my concerns and see where his head is at before I decide.

I was hesitant about posting this thread for the flames and typical reponses I will no doubt encounter, but occassionally someone throws out a gem

Any advice or helpful tips appreciated...

Garrett

 

[Cacia]

ah yes, teenagers.

Be low key and firm. Say "hey, I want you to get in a dive before Catalina, so how bout x, y, z? ) Don't be critical, they are defensive at this age. Say "lets get ourselves tuned up and do this and that...what ideas do you have?" treat him like an equal, even though he is not. Ask him to critique you some...his eyes might be better than his diving and this way it is not all about "him not being up to snuff".

As far as expense...one more good tune -up should be enough. Catalina will probably be easier than shore diving. California surf zones can really be tough for new divers.

I like to insist my kids do some things I want them to do, short of forcing. Once something is paid for, it's a comittment unless there is a very good reason to bail.
(I have a very testy 16 yr old) She enjoys our diving more "after the fact". Another thing you might try, when they are acting "too cool" is to say "look, you are going away to college soon and I want you to do this with me". Act like you are the parent, it's important to you.....everyone responds to flattery.

Best of luck!

 

[scubamickey]

Cold water diving is very different experience from warm water as you know. Especially for a beginner. You might want to consider the fact that despite his attitude, he might have been a little scared at the new environment (colder and lower viz). Teenagers don't always come out and admit that and sometimes they show by getting an attitude or appearing unconcerned. I would not ask him outright if he was cared, though. Try asking him what he thought was different about this latest dive and how that and the Hawaii diving compared in his opinion. You might get some insight on where his brain is going.

I think it is a great idea to go with a BP/W for all the reasons you mentioned. But I think for anyone to be comfortable they need to have an active say in what they are getting for gear. You may have to wait until he matures before investing or helping him to invest in dive gear. Those passing hobbies can be very expensive for mom and dad

How old is he?

 

[shark.byte.usa]

Wow 2 gems in a row I'm impressed

Be low key and firm. Say "hey, I want you to get in a dive before Catalina, so how bout x, y, z? ) Don't be critical, they are defensive at this age. Say "lets get ourselves tuned up and do this and that...what ideas do you have?" treat him like an equal, even though he is not.

Good advice; too late for a tune up though, he's already in CA; Im in AZ until the night before our dive.

Ask him to critique you some...his eyes might be better than his diving and this way it is not all about "him not being up to snuff".

I'll have to try that, could work.

I like to insist my kids do some things I want them to do, short of forcing. Once something is paid for, it's a comittment unless there is a very good reason to bail.

Completely agree, when he starts something, I insist he finish it, explaining to him that he made a commitment to the team or class or group or us or whatever; once the commitment is finished it's his choice weather to continue with it or not.

..everyone responds to flattery.

I did this; made sure to make a point of letting him know how much I enjoyed him coming diving with me and I was happy he was there..yada yada yada. I think he appreciated it, even though he'd never let on.

Cold water diving is very different experience from warm water as you know. Especially for a beginner. You might want to consider the fact that despite his attitude, he might have been a little scared at the new environment (colder and lower viz). Teenagers don't always come out and admit that and sometimes they show by getting an attitude or appearing unconcerned. I would not ask him outright if he was cared, though. Try asking him what he thought was different about this latest dive and how that and the Hawaii diving compared in his opinion. You might get some insight on where his brain is going.

Point taken; I don't think the conditions were a a problem, I waited for optimal conditions as I said and he has no fear. It was more of his general awareness, not checking spg unless I asked [I swam up alongside and checked myself; many times, fortunately we about the same SAC], not monitoring depth, etc. that really pissed me off. He was more preoccupied with the life and shells, etc. Which is cool, but you have to dive safely; which was the point I attempted to get across without success. Maybe it was the wrong time, he was tired and hot, etc.

I think it is a great idea to go with a BP/W for all the reasons you mentioned. But I think for anyone to be comfortable they need to have an active say in what they are getting for gear. You may have to wait until he matures before investing or helping him to invest in dive gear. Those passing hobbies can be very expensive for mom and dad

Excellent point and for all the reasons I mentioned I'm in no hurry to go drop a wad of cash on gear.

He'll be 14 next month.

Garrett

 

[isurus]

Cold water diving is very different experience from warm water as you know. Especially for a beginner. You might want to consider the fact that despite his attitude, he might have been a little scared at the new environment (colder and lower viz).

An excellent point. I started dive training at 13 and did my first o/w dives at 14. In a quarry in the uk. It was cold and murky. Now I like cold and murky and I even liked it then but in ill-fitting gear that I couldn't get the hang of compared to my previous experiences I pretty soon lost my sense of humour for the day. Also lugging the gear around can be a bit much for younger teenagers - especially if its a long walk down the beach. So I can think of a few reasons he might think of for not liking shore-diving.

I think the key is to make sure he is not feeling pressured or uncomfortable as much as you can - that will only turn him off diving. Perhaps you could persuade him to do one for you (buddy cancelled and you really want to go or something) and try to make it a real easy one re kitting up and exit.

PS In the interests of full disclosure I'm 26 now and have a guitar in my closet thats been played once and I only bought it 6 months ago so I have my sympathies re that one.

 

[Quero]

Your teenaged son probably *loves* doing things one-on-one with you, but he most likely wants just a dad to share experiences with, not a combination dad + scuba instructor. So a couple of suggestions:

1) Tune-up: You don't necessarily have to be present for a pool tune-up session, do you? Can his grandparents drop him off at a shop you trust so that somebody without an emotional attachment can do the tune-up with him? It would give him both more confidence that he has actually remembered some of his training and also allow him to correct improper technique under the eye of somebody he's not desperate to please. [Despite appearances to the contrary, all kids are desperate to please their parents, and this is especially true when they spend limited amounts of time together. It's too easy with teens for what we see as a "suggestion" to sound to them like "criticism" which then escalates to their thinking "I'm a failure" which then turns into definsive behavior such as what you describe.]

2) Do a specialty course together; something where you study together, help each other underwater, and something he *might* be able to do as well as or better than you. Underwater naturalist, maybe, or search and recovery?

 

[spectrum]

If he's fussy about where he's diving then he's not interested, give it a rest.

When and if he's intersted have him start with AOW in CA. That will give him a skills review as well as a profesional transition to cold water diving and gear.

Pete

 

[dive_lover88]

hope i can input some useful help...ok here goes.

If you say that no matter what you put your words,your son would seem to be like tearing him down...why not let him dive with someone else(a good diver at the very least) and let that person tell him his mistake,as most teenagers,me included, would be more receptive to others than their own parents.
For me,in my case, i dont get much chance to dive local water even though i got certified there,therefore i have to travel to malaysia to dive. So i make it a point that on the 1st and 2nd dives i would delicate to tuning my skills and bouyancy up. So that makes 2 dives skill tune up and 4 dives fun dives.
About cold waters,i have nothing to give cause i live in the tropics. But low vist and currents that i have done before and it can be stressful to anybody.
SA(situation awareness) you could like randomly shoot some fictional situation that may happen and ask your son to answer within a time limit. That could help,my dad(who dont dives) does that sometimes and can catch me off guard. It can help in SA and also in confidence.
hope this helps.
Darren

 

[scubafire]

Ha ha...at 14 he is still trying to figure out how to be a teenager much less a scuba diver.
I don't know how much this will help but I hope it does a little:

1. Sincerely find out what he wants to do. No sense in dragging him along. (Much better if he goes willingly) A good thing to do would be ask him where he would most like to dive. Then say "okay, we have ____ months until that dive. Before we do it, you have to be at a certain point with your skills" Essentially, reward him for a job well done.

2. Make him begin to pay for things. I found in my own life I tend to use things more if I pay for them instead of my parents. If he has no job (too young) give him odd jobs he can earn money for.

3. Remember this: At his age , it is not cool to act as though you like your dad. It just isn't.

4. Try this: Do other things with him besides diving and see if he asks you to go again. Maybe you will find out his heart just isn't in it.

I hope this helped. I think I am closer to teenage years than any other person who posted. Plus I am in college to be a youth pastor so dealing with teens is my passion. PM me if you have any further questions that you think I may be able to help with and good luck!!

 

[Desert_Diver]

Good advice; too late for a tune up though, he's already in CA; Im in AZ until the night before our dive.

He'll be 14 next month.

Garrett

Part of the problem may just be the normal parent/teenager friction. I realize that this suggestion is not necessarily the most economical, but what if you made arrangements for a divemaster/instructor to accompany your son on the Catalina dive? If you brief the DM about your concerns, he could point out improvements to your son without you having to intervene. And then you don't have to play the part of lightening rod.

And remember, it's hard at this age. But he will mature, get married, and have kids. You then can pay him back by spoiling the crap out of the grandkids, put them on a sugar high, and take them back to him. <satisfied smile>

Good luck on whatever you decide.

Art