You need to be able to ask for help

[TSandM]

One of the things that's been hardest for me with diving is accepting help.

When I started diving, I tried to do EVERYTHING for myself. If somebody stepped in because they saw I had something twisted, or was having a little trouble getting into my gear, I felt embarrassed and inadequate. It was my JOB to get it done myself. Anything somebody helped me with was something I'd failed to do alone.

I've gotten better about all that, but today, something happened which pounded home the realization that I still haven't got it all straight.

I descended today with my light cord wrapped up in my waistband. It's a long story how it happened, but the fact is that, on descent, I discovered I could not get the light cord free. I kept trying, and when I got to the bottom, my buddy was in a position where he couldn't easily see what was happening, but one of the divers from the other buddy pair was. He came over and asked if I was okay, and I told him I was fine.

I was.

I wasn't distressed or frantic. I had a light cord problem, and I had a strategy for solving it (undoing the waistband and tracing the cord back to the canister). We weren't deep, the viz was good, and there were no other factors creating stress. I could do it myself.

But in fact, I futzed with the cord for a couple of minutes without being able to clear it, and eventually, I had to signal MY buddy to come over and straighten it out for me. The whole sequence could have been abbreviated, had I simply said to the first guy, "No, I'm not okay, I have a light cord problem, can you help?" He would have sorted it out neatly, thought none the less of me, and we would have gone on with the dive. But somewhere in my mind, it was an imposition on him for me to ask him to help -- He wasn't MY buddy, and I still thought this was a problem I could solve by myself.

There's a reason this is a buddy sport. Sometimes you need a little help, whether it's getting a strap untwisted while you're gearing up, or carrying something heavy (I helped my buddy carry his doubles today), or sorting something out underwater. Pride has no place in it -- Ask for, and gratefully accept, the assistance you need, or sometimes just the assistance that's handy and useful.

 

[jeckyll]

It's sort of like not needing a buddy check isn't it? I frequently forget to turn on my tank marker. Not sure why, I just do.

Noone's perfect, don't expect to be

I know where you're coming from though. It took me a fair bit of time to be able to get into and out of my BP/W by myself. But with a picnic table, I've got it down now. I don't like needing help with my rig. I guess we all have our quirks

 

[sandjeep]

TS&M, I know what you mean as it took a major injury and not being able to walk for 2 months to learn how to ask for help. I still struggle with the idea, but am quicker to ask if I need it.

 

[PerroneFord]

Team
Equipment
Environment

If someone wants to join your Team, to assist with your Equipment, why not let them? At WKPP, 28 divers put 2 guys in the water for the dive. There is a lesson there.

 

[spectrum]

TSandM,

The situation you describe would be a hard call for me too. As you said it was not a threatening issue and you were probably eager to work though it on your own. The other issue I have had in a similar situation is that I am holding up the dive, I'm either lagging or otherwise holding up my buddy or a group That's not fair since everyone wants to go. At that point expedititiously seeking help and gracefully accepting meets the common goal. There is also the chance that your self fix could have gone sour and having a buddy aware of what you were doing would have been a good safety net.

In the end you drew the line and sought help so I think you made some good calls and gained some awareness as did I by revisting this issue.

Thanks for another great thread topic.

Pete

 

[rocketry]

I felt the same way when I first started diving. Dive boat politics tends to set in and somehow EVERYONE is racing with their ego's. Its unavoidable. But, the experienced diver is content with their own setup, skills and learning set that they DONT NEED the satisfaction from anyone else to have a successful time.

----Like when someone tells you that your dive knife is unnecessary. How dare THEY tell YOU what YOU should bring? Similar situation with my safety sausage. If I want to use a sausage, i'm using a sausage.

I dont think you should be hard on yourself! This was not a life threatening issue, therefore you wanted to learn more independence with it. Now, if forced yourself to do your own buddy check (which I know you DID NOT), THATS a different story.

 

[do it easy]

Funny, I had the same light cord tangle at the surface recently. I did the same thing you did- futz for a while and then I got my buddy to fix it. I think it's good practice to solve your own problems underwater, especially when the conditions are good. In your case, I think the hardest part is not asking for help, but letting the can light get the better of you.

IF I were going to be critical, I would say that your buddy should be watching you while you sort things out, just in case. Then you could take all the time you wanted/needed to show that can light who's the boss.

I did a dive recently that involved moving some bottles around, and it's still a little tricky for me. During the bottle moves, we did them one at a time, and we would spot each other. It was a little longer and not as smooth as I wanted, but I also wanted to get used to doing the bottle moves, so it was nice to have my buddy spot me so make sure eveything was squared away.

 

[TSandM]

Perrone, you are absolutely right, and that was my point in posting this.

I don't think there was any value in solving this particular issue myself -- I know I can undo my waistband and refasten it by myself already. I was just stuck in the mindset that it was my screwup that got it tangled, and it was my job to fix it.

There's undoubtedly a middle ground that needs to be found between dependence on others and stiff-necked independence. But particularly if you DO know that you can solve problems, there simply isn't any reason not to let someone else help you do it, particularly if it makes the process smoother or faster. After all, the GOAL is to have the problem resolved. It's different from training situations, where the process may be the point of the whole thing.

Thanks for another great thread topic.

At least it's not "Should I use an Air2?" or "DIR versus the world" again