Hubby no like diving :-(

[love2godeep]

I've been diving for a couple of years after getting hooked on a Discovery Dive.

My H took the dive, too, but we went down before he had equalized. He didn't want to get behind, so he just toughed it out.

Of course his ears really bothered him and he's still having problems equalizing in planes, etc. He refuses to try again. I went ahead and got my C card but now I have to choose between not diving, or leaving him behind and taking my luck with some yahoo. Believe me, I've had some real winners, er, losers.

I know it's much better when partners can enjoy recreational activities together. We spend several weeks each year at places with incredible diving. I've told him I'll give up diving if he can't be involved, but I can hardly bear that thought.

LTGD

[MechDiver]

There are alot of people who have spouses that don't dive. Mine doesn't but she goes on most dive trips and does her own thing. You either make the decision to dive or not.
I guess I don't see your point.

MD

[drbill]

Give up diving... no way! Give up your husband first.

Not being serious. I have several female buddies whose husbands or SO's don't dive. We really enjoy diving together and I like their guys as well when we're topside. Find yourself a dive buddy (of either gender) that you can enjoy diving with and stick with your passion.

Of course spend plenty of quality time with your husband as well!

Dr. Bill

[rmediver2002]

I am kidding of course!!

I kind of had to go through the same experience when my wife got pregnant although it was not a permanant condition.

I have had several students that had a physiological reason for not being able to equalize, often after consultation with a ENT specialist it was easily resolved with out patient surgery.

This amy be something to pursue if he is interested in diving, but it is not enjoyable to everyone.

As far as random dive buddies go, you need to make your training focus be self sufficiency to some extent... You should be able to handle any sort of problem yourself and be confident in that.

It is an entirely personal decision whether or not to continue doing something you love but I would make real sure when giving anything up for a relationship that you will not end up resenting the decision in the future...

It is great that you are taking the trips together, maybe concentrate on doing some other activities you both enjoy on off days or even something that he really enjoys...

I hope everything works out for you guys!!

Jeff Lane

[love2godeep]

Yeah, I've considered it! :-)

Seriously, I was reading a book called "His Needs, Her Needs" where the proposition was that partners should participate only in recreational options that both enthusiastically enjoy.

In our case, I'm having a hard time coming up with ONE recreational activity we both really like. I like snow skiing, diving, hiking, going out on the town etc etc

He likes to work, but tries to humor me. He's really a nice guy, don't get me wrong.

Not good situation. So I'm trying. . . .

I can hear all you diving widows and widowers rising up in arms over the proposition in the book. Don't crucify me! I'm hoping someone out there has some ideas of how to help this guy with the ear thing. (Thanks, Jeff, for the post.)

Anyone know an ENT in the Spokane area who knows something about diving?

Thanks!

Love2godeep

[MechDiver]

love2godeep once bubbled...

Anyone know an ENT in the Spokane area who knows something about diving?

Thanks!

Love2godeep

Call Wayne at Atlantis Aquatics after 4:00 and he should be able to help you.

MD

[Doc Intrepid]

Call Dr. Shelley Thiel, MD

Ear, Nose, Throat Specialist
She's a certified diver, very slick.

Tri City Ear Nose Throat
911 S. Washington, Suite A
Kennewick, WA 99336
(509) 586-8368

Try this site to arrange for diving buddies:
www.atomicducks.org

Most marriages do better over the long haul when each partner has access to some alone time. How much varies significantly.

The thesis of the book is bull$hit.

Doc

[GDI]

Ask your hubby to blow his nose and see how his ears feel after he does it. Make sure he does it gently. Also you can have a friend get him involved. His reason for not wanting to dive - the discomfort. We sometimes don't listen to our spouses like we should and once something goes wrong it is hard for us to regain the courage or comfort level to attempt something again. This is especially common in men. Don't give up your love of diving just because he has no desire to participate. Sometimes it is good to have differences in our marriage that we can enjoy alone. This can be the basis of a well rounded life and give us something we can share with our partner in discribing what it was like. Remember to listen to what he likes to do even if you don't do it. How many men play golf and their wives do not, but the wives listen to the stories anyway? Include him in the activity to the limit to which he wishes to participate and who knows in time he may try again. Make it sound fun without the pressure of wanting him to do it. Good luck

[BradB]

Well, there are a few things to think about in this post and one was the fact that even though uncomfortable your hubbie continued the dive.It may have been the "macho" thing but each of our partners,especially ones with less experience than us,needs to know that there is an absolutely ironclad rule in diving and that is that there is NEVER to be any *****ing if one buddy calls a dive. My wife and I recently went to Ginnie Springs to get her a little U/W time before a recent Scubaboard activity. I am way more experienced than her and the first thing I did was head to the cavern( No whining OW divers are legal in this cavern). I got in and looked back. No wife for a few seconds.Then a mask showed up in the entry and the eyes were VERY BIG.The head and mask then began to move back and forth in a very rapid horizontal movement. It was all cool, I came out and we went for a dive down the run,worked on some skills to make her more comfortable and ended up going back into the cavern where she had a ball. I love diving with my wife, but she really is not interested in some of the things I do, such as low vis, high current, alligator/snake potential artifact/fossil diving. Saturday , her and our daughter, as well as me ,will be hitting the Peace River.They will be catching a few rays and doinking around near the shore for fossils, etc. I am gonna be in the middle of the river fanning for points. Everyone is gonna have a good time.

I think the proposition that to be successful a couple has to have absolutely the same interests is rediculous.(SP)They need some common interests and goals and they each need good buddies to go pursue the interests that their SO does not share. I have friends whose wifes are totally dependent on them for their entertainment/self worth and as far as I am concerned its sick. I am forever thankful my wife has very good friends to go do the things I would be a pain in the butt doing. These activities would include anything such as art festivals, concerts/opera/plays other than Hank Jr. and anything to do with shopping other than for diving, fishing or hunting accessories. I don't expect her to be happy in 1'vis, current and fanning for 8 hours and she doesn't expect me to be happy in the Altamonte Mall or at the Winter Park spring art festival. I don't know if this is a sign of a good relationship but I do know we have been married/together for 25 years and as far as I am concerned she is still the greatest thing since sliced bread.

[divewench]

I don’t think your going to find a solution in an ENT. If he were going to become passionate about diving he probably already would have, and to participate in a sport that doesn't speak to you and has caused you chronic pain is alot for one person to ask of another. As a female involved in a number of outdoor activities I have come to believe that there are several views when it comes to recreation and significant others. Some feel it is extremely important to share common interests, others who believe it would be nice but isn’t necessary, and some who believe it is a good thing to get away from each other and do separate stuff. All views work as long as a couple's feelings are compatible, but things get tough when they aren't. Despite what anyone says about how you should feel, it sound like it bothers you he doesn’t want to dive with you and that it might bother him that you are willing to leave him behind. If you have already developed a passion for diving it is probably not going to help matters much to quit (you may resent it). Given you have a wide range of interests you can continue trying to find something you both can enjoy. He must have had interests before he started working (did he play sports in school, did he have hobbies, etc). You will be doing him a big favor if you can find something he really enjoys doing other than work. Keep your mind open to getting him interested in a “related” activity. For example, someone who likes fishing may be able to find good locations in the same geographical area as a diver. Luckily your location allows all sorts of possibilities (kayaking and/or rafting, alpine or rock climbing, sailing, water skiing, snow mobiling, horseback riding, etc).

I’ll probably get in a lot of trouble for saying this, but I think it’s harder for woman to be as forgiving/accepting as males when it comes to our significant others not enjoying outdoor activities with us. Adreneline junky gals (particularly those in their 20s) spend alot of their time pursing activites where they are the lone female amongst a bunch of guys, many of whom want to know why their girlfriends aren't out there too. I think getting that type of feedback can cause us to be less considerate of our partners different interests and needs. On the other hand, what guy really "expects" a woman to want to throw 70 lbs of gear on their back and swim around in cold, low visibility water. I think most guys are grateful to get any participation they can and are smart enough not to push the issue. Wish I could say that I were as smart and considerate but I can't. I want my guy out there with me.