Dear Dork Divers Advice Column – Ask us your questions

[imasinker]

my fins came with xl on them, so I figured It was an extra left. Now I already have spare fins for my save a dive kit....

[Haiko]

Dear DD,

During my last dive in freshwater the viz. was about 3m... And I was wearing my mask! Is there any way to increase the Viz, let's say up to 20m, and get rid of the small particles floating around? The green stuff is blocking my view. In an add from Quick 'n Brite they cleared some dirty water with it... Do you think it's wise to take some with me on the next dive and spray it in front of me? Come on, it's 2008, there must be a way...

[ClayJar]

Dear Haiko,

Three whole meters?!? If you'd like to trade, I'd be more than happy to send some Louisiana water over. (I'll even throw in some seasonings -- this *is* Louisiana, after all.)

Alternately, might I suggest locating a local swimming pool? Many of my most transparent dives have come in swimming pools, and as a true Dork Diver, I have nothing against them. (In fact, it is often much easier to play table games in a swimming pool, as there is no reason to avoid the bottom. )

On the other hand, if you must try using cleaning agents in an attempt to improve the visibility, we only ask that you be sure to only use non-toxic, biodegradable, phosphorus-free cleaners. Oh, and you'll have to create customized dispensing units, as more or less rigid bottles are incompatible with underwater use. (Frankly, the logistics are such that I've personally just decided to embrace the silt, but you may have better resources or more patience than I. We look forward to your results. )

(Also note that any rumors about lemon and pine scents attracting large carnivorous fish, not to mention the occasional voracious shark, have never been substantiated. Not a single diver has come back from a dive with any such reports. )

[Haiko]

My intention is not to pollute the water, ofcourse I might be a bit dorky, but I do prefer looking at healthy things UW. I will bring a huge fan to the divesite next time. To blow anything away that is blocking my view. Can take a while, 'cause I have to make it waterproof...

[ClayJar]

Dear Dork Divers,

At ScubaBoard's Invade the Keys 2008, I was diving a shallow reef (not even 30 feet/9 meters deep) in the nice warm water (84°F/29°C). Throughout the dive, I repeatedly pressed my inflator, but nothing ever happened... probably because I was diving a *wetsuit* and there was no inflator in the middle of my chest.

Obviously, I'm not about to stop diving my wonderful cold, dark, and murkies, so how best should I address this potentially embarrassing situation?

1. Dive the drysuit exclusively. (I've actually done dry dives in 84°F water, after all.)
2. Signal pressure every time I press the inflator. (That way they'll think I was just saying "my".)
3. Glue a shiny plastic Star Trek communicator badge to the middle of my chest. ("Well, duh! The Handbook said to place it there for all underwater operations, as it might get knocked off if it were in its normal position.")
4. _______________

--Thumper

[Land Locked]

Seriously dude, you need to get a larger size wet suit to get rid of that squeeze!

If you only need it for comfort, "caution this advice is only for advanced dorks,"

if you have a pull dump, stick the inflator hose down the front of your wet suit!

[merxlin]

Dear Dork Divers,

At ScubaBoard's Invade the Keys 2008, I was diving a shallow reef (not even 30 feet/9 meters deep) in the nice warm water (84°F/29°C). Throughout the dive, I repeatedly pressed my inflator, but nothing ever happened... probably because I was diving a *wetsuit* and there was no inflator in the middle of my chest.

Obviously, I'm not about to stop diving my wonderful cold, dark, and murkies, so how best should I address this potentially embarrassing situation?

1. Dive the drysuit exclusively. (I've actually done dry dives in 84°F water, after all.)
2. Signal pressure every time I press the inflator. (That way they'll think I was just saying "my".)
3. Glue a shiny plastic Star Trek communicator badge to the middle of my chest. ("Well, duh! The Handbook said to place it there for all underwater operations, as it might get knocked off if it were in its normal position.")
4. _______________

--Thumper

Obviously the Star Trek communicator badge--------if you can get it to make the tweeky noise when you hit it, even better.

[Ber Rabbit]

Good grief, don't you guys see it... he needs an "EASY button" from from Staples attached to his chest with velcro. Beware the falling office supplies when you push it

Us girl dorks can just give our buddy a coy smile after realizing we've done that same move
Ber

[under water]

Dear Dork Divers,

At ScubaBoard's Invade the Keys 2008, I was diving a shallow reef (not even 30 feet/9 meters deep) in the nice warm water (84°F/29°C). Throughout the dive, I repeatedly pressed my inflator, but nothing ever happened... probably because I was diving a *wetsuit* and there was no inflator in the middle of my chest.




Obviously, I'm not about to stop diving my wonderful cold, dark, and murkies, so how best should I address this potentially embarrassing situation?

1. Dive the drysuit exclusively. (I've actually done dry dives in 84°F water, after all.)
2. Signal pressure every time I press the inflator. (That way they'll think I was just saying "my".)
3. Glue a shiny plastic Star Trek communicator badge to the middle of my chest. ("Well, duh! The Handbook said to place it there for all underwater operations, as it might get knocked off if it were in its normal position.")
4. _______________

--Thumper

4. In unison with right hand on chest, raise left hand with flag attached. Goodman handle might work for this. If you have a Zeagle set-up, just point light on flag.
Caution: (Gauge appropriateness in waters outside of US)

[The Anchor]

Dear Dork Divers,

At ScubaBoard's Invade the Keys 2008, I was diving a shallow reef (not even 30 feet/9 meters deep) in the nice warm water (84°F/29°C). Throughout the dive, I repeatedly pressed my inflator, but nothing ever happened... probably because I was diving a *wetsuit* and there was no inflator in the middle of my chest.


Obviously, I'm not about to stop diving my wonderful cold, dark, and murkies, so how best should I address this potentially embarrassing situation?

1. Dive the drysuit exclusively. (I've actually done dry dives in 84°F water, after all.)
2. Signal pressure every time I press the inflator. (That way they'll think I was just saying "my".)
3. Glue a shiny plastic Star Trek communicator badge to the middle of my chest. ("Well, duh! The Handbook said to place it there for all underwater operations, as it might get knocked off if it were in its normal position.")
4. _______________

--Thumper

4. Pretend you were just scratching an itch.

5.
Immediately after, smack your forhead and wite on your slate, "I left my sun glasses cliped in the front of my farmer John's. Don't laugh I actually did this once. The glasses actually survived.