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An 80-year-old man visited the doctor's office for a general physical, as required by his new insurance company. The doctor was amazed by the excellence of the elderly man's health and physical condition.
The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"
The old timer said, "I'm a biker -- that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out riding my Harley in the hills."
The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my dad's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 100-years old, and as a matter of fact, he rode with me this morning, and I think that's why he's still alive -- he's an avid biker."
The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living? How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 118 years old."
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said sarcastically, "I guess he went riding with you this morning, too?"
The old timer said, "No, Grandpa couldn't go this morning."
Now the doctor thought he was making progress and ask, "Why, is he beginning to feel his age?"
The old timer said, "Hell no, Grandpa got married today."
The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!!! Why would a guy 118 years old want to get married?"
Why Thank You Bunny Boy!!! Hasn't talked 2 you in a 100 mondays!
WARNING WARNING BE SO INFORMED.
I'VE TAKEN THE NECESSARY PRECAUTION
The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a
highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted
orally, by hand, and even electronically.
This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you
receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues, or anyone else via
any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your
private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave
the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and
purchase one or both of the antidotes -
Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and
Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER).
Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from
your system.
You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If
you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK
is controlling your life.
If you were walking down the street and you saw a building on fire, and inside were a divorce lawyer and a criminal lawyer, and you could only save one of them, would you have lunch or go to a movie?
A little girl is playing in her front yard when she hears a load rumbling. She calls into the house, "Daddy, some guys on motorcycles are coming down the street!"
Her father calls back, "I think you should come in the house."
She looks back toward the bikers and again calls into the house, "Daddy, they’re riding Harley Davidsons!"
The father shouts back, "You’d better bring in the dog too!"
A little girl is playing in her front yard when she hears a load rumbling. She calls into the house, "Daddy, some guys on motorcycles are coming down the street!"
Her father calls back, "I think you should come in the house."
She looks back toward the bikers and again calls into the house, "Daddy, they’re riding Harley Davidsons!"
The father shouts back, "You’d better bring in the dog too!"
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Originally Posted by dive_lover88
!!!
I don't get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK but become ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL. 
I don't get it...
