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Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!"
"IMPOSSIBLE !!" said the groom broom.
Are you ready for this?
Brace yourself; this is going to hurt.
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"WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!"
Oh for goodness sake... laugh, or at least groan. Life's too short not to enjoy... even these silly little cute..... and clean jokes
Sounds to me like she's been "sweeping" around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he Reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.
He thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent Eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to Her to see what work of God had captured her attention he noticed she was Looking at two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.
"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.
"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.
As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question, he Replied "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took Her foot and stomped them flat and said, "Well, we're not having any of that Brokeback-Mountain S@&* in our garden.":popcorn:
- Oh man, I was unfortunate enough to see part of that movie for the first time last night. At first, I saw a small clip from the beginning, a guy and gal looked like they were having a "good time" ... I thought to myself .... mmmmm, this could be interesting, but shifted back to my other show. I came back, sometime in the middle, and saw two guys argueing beside a truck, with the nature and tone of the conversation seeming to infer something "personal" while showing anger and jealousy over where one went ... huh? ... I thought, what the? No way! This show is like Snowy River or something, it can't be that! ... ok, back to what I was watching before. Buuuut, curiosity got the best of me ... the next clip was a girl talking with one of the dudes in a bar ... she seemed really interested in him, but he was like stone cold distance - is he on drugs or something! A country bourne identity? Could I be that lucky? ... so off to the computer and to GOOGLE I went. My worst fears ... were confirmed - who broke who's back and how? I really don't care!!! ... way to go Hollywood ... way to go. :shakehead
This is Just Amazing. In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb".
Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled
"Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered
into the English language.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred
and Wilma Flintstone
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
Coca-Cola was originally green .
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour:
61,000
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king in history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in
the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in
the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If
the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural
causes.
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until
you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand
Q. What do bullet-proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and
laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed
firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a
month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law
with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because
their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month,
which we know today as the honeymoon.
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old
England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them
"Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the
phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the
rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they
used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase
inspired by this practice.
Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you
can read it..........
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid aoccdrnig to rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a
wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be
in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed
it wouthit a porbelm Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey
lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
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Go Bruins 
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I don't get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK but become ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL. 
- Oh man, I was unfortunate enough to see part of that movie for the first time last night. At first, I saw a small clip from the beginning, a guy and gal looked like they were having a "good time" ... I thought to myself .... mmmmm, this could be interesting, but shifted back to my other show. I came back, sometime in the middle, and saw two guys argueing beside a truck, with the nature and tone of the conversation seeming to infer something "personal" while showing anger and jealousy over where one went ... huh? ... I thought, what the? No way! This show is like Snowy River or something, it can't be that! ... ok, back to what I was watching before. Buuuut, curiosity got the best of me ... the next clip was a girl talking with one of the dudes in a bar ... she seemed really interested in him, but he was like stone cold distance - is he on drugs or something! A country bourne identity? Could I be that lucky? ... so off to the computer and to GOOGLE I went. My worst fears ... were confirmed - who broke who's back and how? I really don't care!!! ... way to go Hollywood ... way to go. :shakehead
