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Someone emailed this to me this am..thought it was cute....
Installing Husband
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the
flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs,
such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed
undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes
the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but
not avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
__________________
I don't get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK but become ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
The chicken % The Egg
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against
the
headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face. The
egg,
looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says "Well,
I guess we finally answered THAT question
A Blonde's Year in Review
>
> January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
>
> February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print
> labels.....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in printer !!!
>
> March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6
months.....box
> said "2-4 years!"
>
> April - Trapped on escalator for hours ..... power went out!!!
>
> May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water
> won't fit into those little packets!!!
>
> June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
>
> July - Lost breast str oke swimming competition.....learned later, the
> other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
>
> August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped
because
> soft-top was o pen.
>
> September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
>
> October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
>
> November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour
per
> pound and I weigh 108!!
>
> December - Couldn't call 911 ..... "duh".....there's no "eleven"
button
> on
> the stupid phone!
>
> What a year!
My tire was thumping,
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire,
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~
Heard your wife left you, how upset you must be.
But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder... "What the hell was I thinking?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love
After having met you .. I've changed my mind.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.
################################################## ###############
Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.
************************************************** *****************************************
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
Happy birthday!
You look great for your age. Almost Lifelike!
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
We have been friends for a very long time ..
let's say we stop?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++
I'm so miserable without you,
it's almost like you're here.
================================================== =======
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.
)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) ))))))))))))))
So your daughter's a hooker and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side, it's really good pay!
__________________
I don't get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK but become ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
I don't get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK but become ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL. 
Go Bruins 
gotta love' em
Linear Mode
