Why I'm against DIR .. sort of.....

[the wart]

I thought I'd do this light-heartedly, so that's why it's the community forum rather than anywhere else. Therefore anyone who wants to really flame on me can do so with my blessing

1: The Long Hose wrap-around.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't like cord around my neck. It may have something to do with my ancestors being hung rather than being sent to Australia ( a sore point) or on the other hand it's pointless because:
Let's face it no-one has seven foot arms, not you, not your buddy. So in effect the only amount of slack you need on your hose is about.. oh say an arms length! So the rest can be Bungee's up nicely out of the way. Your buddy takes it from you, few breathes and then pulls the rest out the bungee.. easy!

2: Stages only on the left.

This is just a fantastic, if I have all my stages on the left then I can have my long hose wrapped around my light canister and can donate to my OOA buddy ( seriously the guy I dive with is useless on air!). But wait I've already solved that problem as my buddy doesn't have seven foot arms. So I can go back to having right rich, left lean. Gee that's a good way to remember it
Also I'm 5' 7'' you put 4 stages on my left side I start to look like a frickkin Geisha fan. All divers are not created equal.

3: You can't use 80% for Deco.

Yes I can, I just asked it for it at my local LDS and they gave it to me.
But I forgot it's hiding my bad buoyancy as I can't maintain a 6m stop therefore that's why I didn't take pure 02. Well actually no-one can maintain a 6m stop! Breathe in you go up breathe out and.... wait for it... you go down. The only person I know who can hold his water position perfectly was some Jewish carpenter from Bethlehem... I forget his name.....

4: Standardised Equipment

You need to all have the same equipment so if any equipment breaks down you can swap with your team-mates.
Right...
So my APEKs stage reg breaks and I can't use my mates spare Poseidon Stage. Got it. Wait why?

5: Standardised Gases

Really? Why the hell did we invent the blender course if we only ever need 6 gases. Surely we should have created a compressor that does that for us?
10/70 trimix? WTF!!!!! Now I know Tech diving isn't cheap, but you seriously want me to take 10/70 for anything below 78ms. My god we're not all sponsored by H*****n you know. Some of us have bills to pay at the end of the month. I'll take the extra oh... 2 minutes to work out my PPO2 and END so that I won't have the Narcotic equivalent of paragliding!

6: Bungee'd wings

I like 'em. I don't use them, but I've always enjoyed a bit of BDSM in my sexual forays, so maybe that's where it comes from.
Seriously though. Unless we have some Formula 1 style wind tunnel testing or we get an Olympic underwater sprint event between the bungee'd and un-bungee'd crowd we can't really talk about drag.
And besides water is 800 times denser than air, do you really think it makes that much difference
I thought you guys all used scooters anyway?

7: Team diving

What's worse than 1 ego-maniac on a dive? Well 3 ego-maniacs on a dive. If I really wanted to indulge in an activity with other men fussing over their hoses, masks and wrap-arounds I'd participate at my local swingers club.


8: So & so used this set-up when they did this in a cave..

Goody for them.
If I wanted to find something dark, wet & uninviting to enter I'd call my ex

9: Hip Mounted Canisters

Actually this is pretty good. But I'm on roll so....
Who cares where I put my light? So what if I put it underneath my tanks and accidently sit on it. My canister is 5 times cheaper than your branded one, I can afford to make that mistake a few times. How many mistakes can you make with you mortgage busting light-saber

10: Diving is FUN

:popcorn:

[gypsyjim]

[gypsyjim]

What is it about some people?

It is not enough that they live their own life, and have their own tastes, but they also have to get on a soap box and try to start fights with others who see things differently?

Who cares how you dive, or what you think about their diving, if you are not diving with each other, or even in the same body of water, as long as neither of you are endangering others?

[the wart]

Did you look to see which forum this is posted in?

It's community. This is a piece of fun. Hence the little troll at the start of the post. Lighten up.

[gypsyjim]

Your intention was to start trouble.

[the wart]

There's a few threads going around about snorkels & masks on foreheads in the serious sections. This is my take on it all. This is in humour.
Is there anything in my piece remotely sensible?
No.
It's a piece of fun.

[gypsyjim]

I have to admit that there is also a noticeable lack of sense in many of the other threads you are poking fun at, but THEY do certainly expect others to take them seriously.

away.

[Insta-Gator]

pretty funny. I hope the DIRominites have a sense of humor.

[TSandM]

If I wanted to find something dark, wet & uninviting to enter I'd call my ex

Too funny! (And explains a lot of the rest of the rant )

You should be glad there is DIR . . . otherwise, you might have to run into (and, gasp, possibly DIVE WITH) the egomaniac, overly-affluent black clad goosesteppers!

[the wart]

I have to admit that there is also a noticeable lack of sense in many of the other threads you are poking fun at, but THEY do certainly expect others to take them seriously.

away.

See. At least I put up a disclaimer that I'm messing around