Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma aquestion if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, aSouthern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, agrandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her andasked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, Why, yes, Ido know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a little boy,and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, youcheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about thembehind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't thebrains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bitpaper pusher. Yes, I know you.
The lawyer was stunned. Notknowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs.Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied,'Why yes, I do. I have known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster,too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can'tbuild a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is oneof the worst in the entire state.. Not to mention he cheated on hiswife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, Iknow him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judgeasked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quietvoice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'llsend you both to the electric chair.'
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