Stay W/ my buddy or stay W/ the group?

[nu-diver]

My husband is an experienced diver and I am newly certified. We have already taken a couple of dive trips and he is a great dive buddy. Really takes good care of me and finds alot of neat stuff to look at.

He is a free spirit you see and when he dives he is the one sticking his head in everything to see whats in there. Before I was a diver and would come along on the boat, I could always tell where he was because his was the set of bubbles away from everyone else.

I, on the other hand am a stickler for the rules. When the dive guide says "everyone stick together" I figure it's law and we should all stick together.

When we are diving along the coral it makes me a bit nervous losing track of the rest of the dive group because I don't like breaking the rules. But I am OK with it because I trust his skill, feel safe, and I really enjoy my time with him. I also realize that I see more when we slow down and look at the details.

My problem really comes in when we dive a shipwreck. He is going in rooms and sticking his head in holes that our guide is not taking us too. These are wrecks that he has never dove before so he does not have any experience diving them. To me, this is like cave diving without a lifeline to show you the way out. I think we could both get lost in there and never come out. On the other hand, if something happened to him in there and I had followed the rest of the group out already, he would be in real trouble.

I guess the real question I have is what chioce should I make.
Die with him and leave our kids without parents?
Or let him die alone and tell the kids what a great dad they had?

 

[divetahoe]

I guess the real question I have is what choice should I make.
Die with him and leave our kids without parents?
Or let him die alone and tell the kids what a great dad they had?

Freewheelin' away from the main group while diving along a reef is fine for the most part, unless there is significant current to separate the group too much for the boat to follow, in which case the pre-dive brief will specify how close to stay. Best to ask the divemaster or guide for the dive about how close to the group you need to be if it isn't specified.

Freewheelin' an unknown wreck is... how shall I put this ... stupid.

Tell him you are asking these questions and see if he sees idiocy of solo wreck penetration without the correct equipment. If he blows you off, you can tell your kids what a great dad he was, except for that little part called common sense and responsibility to them.

FWIW.

 

[BIGSAGE136]

Have you spoken to him using the same manner of reference?

 

[ScubaSixString]

My husband is an experienced diver and I am newly certified. We have already taken a couple of dive trips and he is a great dive buddy. Really takes good care of me and finds alot of neat stuff to look at.

He is a free spirit you see and when he dives he is the one sticking his head in everything to see whats in there. Before I was a diver and would come along on the boat, I could always tell where he was because his was the set of bubbles away from everyone else.

I, on the other hand am a stickler for the rules. When the dive guide says "everyone stick together" I figure it's law and we should all stick together.

When we are diving along the coral it makes me a bit nervous losing track of the rest of the dive group because I don't like breaking the rules. But I am OK with it because I trust his skill, feel safe, and I really enjoy my time with him. I also realize that I see more when we slow down and look at the details.

My problem really comes in when we dive a shipwreck. He is going in rooms and sticking his head in holes that our guide is not taking us too. These are wrecks that he has never dove before so he does not have any experience diving them. To me, this is like cave diving without a lifeline to show you the way out. I think we could both get lost in there and never come out. On the other hand, if something happened to him in there and I had followed the rest of the group out already, he would be in real trouble.

I guess the real question I have is what chioce should I make.
Die with him and leave our kids without parents?
Or let him die alone and tell the kids what a great dad they had?

Its a good idea to stay with the group (for more reasons than 1). But perhaps you should discuss the dive plan with your hubby before you dive. Tell him you are staying with the group if his diving style makes you uncomfortable. What you should NOT DO is not talk to him and then leave him behind. Because when he can't find you , he's probably going to start looking for you. And that can put him at risk.

Sort of the same reason you should stick with the group. The dive leader might notice you missing.

 

[rottielover]

Have you talked to your hubby directly about this? I would talk to him about it as soon as you can, let him know how you feel. I can't imagine him getting mad or upset about it, since your concern is for your kids. Durring OW cert. we had the buddy system drilled into our heads, and I for one am a HUGE fan of the buddy system, even for activites that aren't related to diving at all.

If he's a wreck diver and your not, maybe durring the pre-dive breifing you can plan to switch buddies if he's wanting to go into the wreck?

The single most important thing between dive buddy's (and married couples) is communicaiton, if you not telling him your concerns, how's he going to know?

Before every dive my wife and I have a breif "pre-dive buddy breifing", after the formal pre-dive talk, we talk about what we're going to do as a buddy team should something happen, like if we are seperated from the main group for some reason, are we going to look for them, are we going to surface, etc.

Hope things work out for you! Good Luck

 

[Rookie_J]

My husband is an experienced diver and I am newly certified. We have already taken a couple of dive trips and he is a great dive buddy. Really takes good care of me and finds alot of neat stuff to look at.

He is a free spirit you see and when he dives he is the one sticking his head in everything to see whats in there. Before I was a diver and would come along on the boat, I could always tell where he was because his was the set of bubbles away from everyone else.

I, on the other hand am a stickler for the rules. When the dive guide says "everyone stick together" I figure it's law and we should all stick together.

When we are diving along the coral it makes me a bit nervous losing track of the rest of the dive group because I don't like breaking the rules. But I am OK with it because I trust his skill, feel safe, and I really enjoy my time with him. I also realize that I see more when we slow down and look at the details.

My problem really comes in when we dive a shipwreck. He is going in rooms and sticking his head in holes that our guide is not taking us too. These are wrecks that he has never dove before so he does not have any experience diving them. To me, this is like cave diving without a lifeline to show you the way out. I think we could both get lost in there and never come out. On the other hand, if something happened to him in there and I had followed the rest of the group out already, he would be in real trouble.

I guess the real question I have is what chioce should I make.
Die with him and leave our kids without parents?
Or let him die alone and tell the kids what a great dad they had?

you have many contradictions in your tale.

contradiction #1 "he is a great dive buddy. Really takes good care of me" if he's not following the dive briefing he is neither a good dive buddy nor is he 'taking care of you'..


contradiction #2 "When we are diving along the coral it makes me a bit nervous losing track of the rest of the dive group because I don't like breaking the rules. But I am OK with it because I trust his skill, feel safe, and I really enjoy my time with him" if you don't have a problem with it, why the concern?


contradiction #3; "My husband is an experienced diver" "He is going in rooms and sticking his head in holes that our guide is not taking us too" why is he going into wrecks?


you are either not being truthful in your concern or fear offending your divebuddy. he needs to realize that people can die during a dive. they become lost, have equipment problems or a health issue arises. i am not an experienced diver by any means but i do realize the dive briefing is doen for a reason, it's usually not because the dive master likes hearing the sound of his/her own voice.

my opinion; if your dive buddy doesn't want to play by the rules, he caould always sit on the bench for a few rounds. there are plenty of others who will take your safety seriously...

just my .02

 

[Hank49]

Don't penetrate wrecks without serious training. You're right. It's like cave diving in that you can get lost real fast if you kick up silt. If your husband takes you on a dive like that again, surface without him and drive home without him. And don't keep dinner warm for him. If he was my son in law I would kick his ***.

 

[gangrel441]

First, there is nothing wrong with slowing down on a dive and enjoying what you see, and in most cases, sticking with the group is not an absolute necessity, as long as you stay within visual contact. Notable exceptions exist, such as a drift dive with heavy current. The problem most divers have is that they never are patient enough to move slowly and pay attention to the small stuff most divers swim right past.

With that said, a few of your comments raise some concerns for me about your hubby/buddy...

First, from what you mentioned of following his bubbles from the surface and knowing he is the one away from the group...when he does this, does he have a buddy with him? If not, is he qualified as a solo diver? Does he carry redundant backups with him? If not, I would be careful using him as the benchmark for your own diving.

Likewise, does he have wreck or cave experience? If you and he are not trained to do cave or penetration diving, than neither of you has any business going into rooms on wreck dives. Even if he has the necessary training, experience, and equipment to do this type of diving, it certainly doesn't sound like you do. As such, if he is buddied with you, he should not be exceeding your training. Remember, as your buddy, he is your lifeline in the event something goes wrong with your equipment, and likewise you for him. A lot can go wrong in an overhead environment, and that gets magnified by lack of training and improper equipment. Also, I am not certain from your post, but it sounds like you are saying that he penetrates the wrecks, but you stay on the outside. If this is the case, than while he is inside and you are outside, you cease to be a buddy team, and become two solo divers. Just a point to consider.

My regular dive buddy is my wife as well. She and I don't like sticking with the group, and as she builds more confidence and gets more adventurous, we become more inclined to break off and explore the reef on our own, as most photographers do. But, we do not exceed the limitations of our training, and we always stay within easy contact range of eachother in the event of an emergency.

I would advise having a frank conversation with him about safety issues as they pertain to diving. While I know many posters here are advocates of solo and penetration diving, I think you would be hard pressed to find anyone here who advocates solo diving without redundant backups, or penetration diving with out proper training and with an inexperienced buddy.


Just my $0.02...

My husband is an experienced diver and I am newly certified. We have already taken a couple of dive trips and he is a great dive buddy. Really takes good care of me and finds alot of neat stuff to look at.

He is a free spirit you see and when he dives he is the one sticking his head in everything to see whats in there. Before I was a diver and would come along on the boat, I could always tell where he was because his was the set of bubbles away from everyone else.

I, on the other hand am a stickler for the rules. When the dive guide says "everyone stick together" I figure it's law and we should all stick together.

When we are diving along the coral it makes me a bit nervous losing track of the rest of the dive group because I don't like breaking the rules. But I am OK with it because I trust his skill, feel safe, and I really enjoy my time with him. I also realize that I see more when we slow down and look at the details.

My problem really comes in when we dive a shipwreck. He is going in rooms and sticking his head in holes that our guide is not taking us too. These are wrecks that he has never dove before so he does not have any experience diving them. To me, this is like cave diving without a lifeline to show you the way out. I think we could both get lost in there and never come out. On the other hand, if something happened to him in there and I had followed the rest of the group out already, he would be in real trouble.

I guess the real question I have is what chioce should I make.
Die with him and leave our kids without parents?
Or let him die alone and tell the kids what a great dad they had?

 

[Ocns_Spirit]

i know that you love and trust your husband....you wouldnt be married to him if you werent, right? well diving takes trust and mixes that all up with personal responsibility...i drill into my students the face that they are ultimately repsonsible for themselves...they have to make the decisions that will affect their dive and their safety...i agree with the others: express your concerns to your husband, then make the decision that will coincide with the responsibilty you have to yourself...

 

[Web Monkey]

Don't penetrate wrecks without serious training. You're right. It's like cave diving in that you can get lost real fast if you kick up silt. If your husband takes you on a dive like that again, surface without him and drive home without him. And don't keep dinner warm for him. If he was my son in law I would kick his ***.

That pretty much covers it.

Terry