Profound thoughts

[Rooster1]

1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.
Teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.


2. You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here legally,
but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15
years.

Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you're two days late with a video and
those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of
immigration.


3. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire,
but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?


4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday...
lying in hospitals dying of nothing.


5. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant.
Every table had an argument going.


6. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days,
no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to.


7. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice
about a woman is her eyes, and women say the first thing they notice
about men is they're a bunch of liars.


8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.


9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.


10. Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred
dollars,
and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?


11. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.


12. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.
I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.


13. There is a theory which states that if the uneducated common man
discovers
exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly
disappear
and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another theory which states that this has already happened.


14. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction.
I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."


15. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but
you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

[divemistress]

you're hot today!

[DivePartner1]

"Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot." Jay Leno

"Beware the lollipop of mediocrity. Lick once and you suck forever.” Anon.

"Please provide the date of your death." from an IRS letter

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” Mark Twain

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." Groucho Marx

"If at first you don't succeed . . . skydiving is not for you." Seen on a Bumper Sticker