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Now, for the group I have some bad news, and some really bad news... My dive got pushed back till tomorrow (sob, sob) so I spent A LOT OF TIME at the skatboard park with my son... (here's the worst part...) I was bored out of my gourd, so I wrote a bunch of new paradies...
Tainted Air
(Tainted Love)
Sometimes I feel
That I can’t (ba-ba) catch my breath
I got to (ba-ba) take a rest
I've got a bad feeling
'bout the air I'm breathing!
Oh Tainted air,
Wo-Oh-Oh-Oh Tainted air
I’m telling you now,
I got some
Tainted air
Well I got this tingling
In my (ba-ba) lips and toes
And in my (ba-ba) runny nose
I'm tellin' you here
This tainted air ain't fair
Ahhhhhh
First I swam with you...
Now I'm feeling blue...
My lips and fingernails are turning red
If I keep breathing this, I'll soon be dead!!!
(refrain)
So now I find
I got to (ba-ba) swim away
I need to (ba-ba) call DAN today
I can tell by breathin' this tainted air,
I can kiss goodbye my derrière!
The original artist and song title is...? (Sorry, but I'm not up on some of the newest stuff. My faves so far are the Rescue Me and Rainy Day Women parodies, those I recognize. I'm dating myself, so what.)
Originally posted by NetDoc Do as many as you can... these are good...
Now, for the group I have some bad news, and some really bad news... My dive got pushed back till tomorrow (sob, sob) so I spent A LOT OF TIME at the skatboard park with my son... (here's the worst part...) I was bored out of my gourd, so I wrote a bunch of new paradies...
Tainted Air
Sometimes I feel
That I can’t (ba-ba) catch my breath
I got to (ba-ba) take a rest
I've got a bad feeling
'bout the air I'm breathing!
Oh Tainted air,
Wo-Oh-Oh-Oh Tainted air
I’m telling you now,
I got some
Tainted air
Well I got this tingling
In my (ba-ba) lips and toes
And in my (ba-ba) runny nose
I'm tellin' you here
This tainted air ain't fair
(refrain)
So I find
I got to (ba-ba) swim away
I need to (ba-ba) call DAN today
I can tell by breathin' this tainted air,
I can kiss goodbye my derrière!
Does this mean you remembered the Hermits, Hermits
Just remember, you started this. I'm walking around the house now singing, Tainted Air and wondering, "Where the hell is that 80's CD I bought last year?"
I too (unfortunately) was bored stiff last afternoon. My business requires me to work with the Postal Service a lot (and no disrespect towards postal employees) however, the seminars are sooooooooooooo dull! I came up with one more...please forgive me:
(To American Pie)
So bye, bye hand-shark feeding dives,
Drove the creatures to the beaches
And they ate people alive.
Some Good Ole' boys were passing laws that won't fly,
Thinkin' This will be the way I survive?
To the tune of "Losing my Religion" and apologies to REM...
(Which almost was "Losing my Regulator", but the meter was off)
"Trying to stay Submerged..."
That's me in the Grotto
That's me at the bot-tom
Yeah, trying to stay submerged
I still got lots of air,
Oh, and I don't know if I can do it
OhNo!
I thought my belt weighed too much;
But it doesn't weigh enough!
I got me a wetsuit
A BC and regulator too,
I took my classes
Thought I knew just what to do
But I don't think that I can do it
OhNo!
I thought my belt weighed too much;
But it doesn't weigh enough!
You see, I thought that I heard you laughin’
I thought that I heard you say
I heard-you-say that –I- was a Stroke
No joke!
That was really mean!
Yes, that was really mean!
Last two for a while... Got to take a breather... (very very bad pun)
No Air Left for Me…
Sung to the tune of “No Time” by ???
No air left for me.
There's no air left for me
(I just gotta breathe)
No air left for me.
There's just no air left for me
(I guess I just gotta leave!)
There's no air to take a little swim.
I know just what a jam I'm in
No, there's no air for that dive I planned
Hope that I can still call Dan.
(refrain)
Not a breath for little ol' me
Should have looked at my SPG!!!
No time for a safety stop
I think I heard my left lung pop!
No AIR!!! No AIR!!!
I ain't, I ain't, I ain't got no air.
No AIR!!! No AIR!!!
I ain't, I ain't, I ain't got no air.
“Let it Breathe”
Sung to “Let it Be”, with apologies to Paul McCartney and all Beatles fans.
When I find myself in troubled waters
My old instructor comes to me
Giving me pearls of wisdom
Please just Breathe!
And when I am entangled
At the bottom of the deep blue sea
Take a moment, think,
Then just Breathe
Please just breathe,
Don't hold your breath!
It will only
Lead to death
There will be an answer
Please just breathe
And when I see my buddy
freakin' out in front of me,
I'll be signing to him
Please just breathe
If he just listens to me
There is still a chance that he may be
Diving again tomorrow!
Please just breathe!
Please just breathe, please just breathe
Please just breathe, please just breathe!
You can dive some more tomorrow
Please just breathe!
NetDoc,
It's the Guess Who that sings; "no time left for you..." (I mean, "No air left for me"). I too had to run off for a breather - or better said, had to feed the family the ribs that I began BBQing 6 hours before. Good ole' Texas Baby Back Ribs with special hot & spicy home made BBQ sauce, corn on the cob & baked potatoes. Now that I'm so stuffed I can barely breathe and am working on my 3rd Dos XX, think I'll read BOTH threads again -- the laughing will give me a much needed work out.
No matter, you've got quite a talent and we're all looking forward to some great lyrics. Oceanspirit is working on lyrics for American Pie...can't wait!
Two week on a virgin island cruise
With my lover with my lover
Twenty thousand dollar bill
For my lover for my lover
And everybody thinks
That I'm insane
But they dont get
Any air from you
The things we wont do for love
I'd sweem an entire ocean if I had to
Make another dive so I could have you
You you you you you
Evryday I'm multidived
With my lover with my lover
They push me up and I keep going down
With my lover with my lover
I follow my heart
And start to ponder
Deep under the sea
Where no man can see
I follow my heart
And start to wonder
Is this love worth
Marring an aluminum 80 tank?
My "99 bottles" parody pailed in comparison to the others. So, I came up with this one. It's actually a parody of a parody. Dedicated to all those who have been on charters from Hell.
With apologies to Wierd Al and Queen
Another One Boards the Boat
(Another One Bites The Dust/Queen/1980)
(Another One Rides the Bus/Wierd Al Yankovick)
Goin' on a dive down in Cozumel,
And the boat was pretty packed.
Couldn't find a place to stow my gear,
so I had to leave it on my back.
It was smellin' like old diesel fumes,
There was gear all over the floor.
We're already packed like sardines,
But they're signing up some more!
Look out!
Another one boards the boat-ah.
Another one boards the boat-ah.
And another one boards,
And another one boards.
Another one boards the boat-ah.
Hey!
He’s gonna get on board.
Another one boards the boat.
There's a first stage pokin' me in the ribs.
There's a snorkel in my ear.
There's a wetsuit diver standin' next to me
who hasn't cleaned it in a year.
Well, I think I'm missin' an o-ring seal.
I think my mask is gone.
And I think DM is gonna let,
even more divers get on.
Look out!
Another one boards the boat-ah.
Another one boards the boat-ah.
And another one boards,
And another one boards.
Another one boards the boat-ah.
Hey!
He’s gonna get on board.
Another one boards the boat.
Another one boards the boat.
Another one boards the boat--ow!
Another one boards the boat--hey, hey!
Another one boards the boat--hey-y-y-y!
The DM’s a jerk, and the head is broke,
And I really have to pee.
Haven't been on a crowded boat like this
Since the Coast Guard Academy.
Well, we shoulda left an hour ago,
but the skipper’s still not here.
There isn't any room to move,
but they're gonna sign up more, yeah!
Another one boards the boat-ah.
Another one boards the boat-ah.
And another one boards,
And another one boards.
Another one boards the boat-ah.
Hey!
He’s gonna get on board.
Another one boards the boat.
The Dolphin's Song (Apologies to the Irish Rovers, now know as the Rovers)
A short swim ago, over a reef with water so clean,
Ran into the weirdest kind of swimmers that I'd ever seen;
They'd grab on all the coral and keep kicking the sand,
No bouyancy control had the Diver Man.
I swim with green deep sea turtles and the moray eels,
Big honking white Belugas and some Leopard Seals,
Cold seas, near quays and in hurricane lees, but that aint no dive plan,
No bouyancy control had the Diver Man.
Now I've seen a lot of critters but these ones are strange
It's the awefulest configuration that God could arrange
A dorsal fin of metal and the eyes made of glass
And an aft fin that got split up to thier A##.
I swim with green deep sea turtles and the moray eels,
Big honking white Belugas and some Leopard Seals,
Cold seas, near quays and in hurricane lees, but that aint no dive plan,
No bouyancy control had the Diver Man.
They keep blowing out these bubbles that scare the fish,
They just keep using their hands instead of fins that swish,
They're in bad shape and overweight, They really should be banned
Try bouyancy control, you Diver Man
I swim with green deep sea turtles and the moray eels,
Big honking white Belugas and some Leopard Seals,
Cold seas, near quays and in hurricane lees, but that aint no dive plan,
No bouyancy control had the Diver Man.
They're still flailing around like some kind of loser,
Doing something that they call a Warhammer Maneuver,
I know what I'd say to a Great White Shark so grand,
"Oh, will you come and eat the Diver Man"
I swim with green deep sea turtles and the moray eels,
Big honking white Belugas and some Leopard Seals,
Cold seas, near quays and in hurricane lees, but that aint no dive plan,
No bouyancy control had the Diver Man.
Now looking at a watch, they gesture with thumb,
Ascending too fast, don't they know is dumb,
Maybe they'll stay on the beach and get a nice tan,
Don't come back down here, bad Diving Man.
I swim with green deep sea turtles and the moray eels,
Big honking white Belugas and some Leopard Seals,
Cold seas, near quays and in hurricane lees, but that aint no dive plan,
No bouyancy control had the Diver Man.
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