cdiver2
Contributor
Heard on a Delta flight
Hello and welcome to Delta flight 438 to San Francisco. If you are going to San Francisco, your in the right place. If your not going to San Francisco, your about to have a really long evening.
We'd like to tell you now about some important safety features we have aboard this plane, the flight attendants. Please look at one now
There are 5 exits aboard this plane: 2 at the front, 2 over the wings, and one out the plane's rear end. If you're seated in one of the exit rows, please do not store your bags by your feet. That would be a realy bad idea.
Please take a moment and look around and find the nearest exit, count the rows of seats between you and the exit. In the event that the need arises to use one, trust me , you'll be glade you did. We have pretty blinking lights on the floor that will blink in the direction of the exits. White ones in the normal rows, and pretty red ones at the exit rows.
In the event of loss of cabin pressure these baggy things will drop down over your head. You stick it over your nose and mouth like flight attendant is doing now. The bag won't inflate, but there's oxygen there, promise. If your sitting next to a small child, or someone who is acting like a small child, please do us all a favor and put onyour mask first. If you are traveling with two or more children, please take a moment now to decide which one is your favorite. Help that one first, then work your way down.
In the seat pocket in front of you is a pamphlet about the safety features of this plane. I usually use it as a fan when I'm having my own personal summer. It makes a very good fan. It also has pretty pictures. Please take it out and play with it now.
Please take a moment now to make sure your seat belts are fastened low and tight about your waist. To fasten the belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle. To release, it's a pulley thing---not a pushy thing like your car because you're in a airplane-- HELLO.
There is no smoking in the cabin on this flight. There is also no smoking in the lavatories. If we see smoke coming from the lavatories, we will assume you are on fire and put you out. This is afree service we provide.
There are two smoking sections on this flight, one outside each wing exit. We do have a movie in the smoking sections tonight ... hold on, let me check what it is. Oh here it is, the movie tonight is Gone with the Wind.
In a moment we will be turning off the cabin lights, and it's going to get really dark, really fast. If you're afraid of the dark, now would be a good time to reach up and press the yellow button. The yellow button turns on your reading light. Please don't press the orange button unless you absolutely have to. The orange buttonis your seat ejection button.
We're glad to have you with us on board this flight. Thank you for choosing Delta, and giving us your business and your money. If there's anything we can do to make you more comfortable, please don't hesitate to ask. If you weren't strapped down you would have given me a standing ovation, wouldn't you ?.
After landing
Welcome to San Francisco International airport. Sorry about the bumpy landing. It's not the captains fault. Its not the co-pilots fault. It's the Asphalt.
Please remain seated untill the plane is parked at the gate. At no time in history has a passenger beaten a plane to the gate. So please don't even try.
Please be careful opening the overhead bins because "shift happens"
Hello and welcome to Delta flight 438 to San Francisco. If you are going to San Francisco, your in the right place. If your not going to San Francisco, your about to have a really long evening.
We'd like to tell you now about some important safety features we have aboard this plane, the flight attendants. Please look at one now
There are 5 exits aboard this plane: 2 at the front, 2 over the wings, and one out the plane's rear end. If you're seated in one of the exit rows, please do not store your bags by your feet. That would be a realy bad idea.
Please take a moment and look around and find the nearest exit, count the rows of seats between you and the exit. In the event that the need arises to use one, trust me , you'll be glade you did. We have pretty blinking lights on the floor that will blink in the direction of the exits. White ones in the normal rows, and pretty red ones at the exit rows.
In the event of loss of cabin pressure these baggy things will drop down over your head. You stick it over your nose and mouth like flight attendant is doing now. The bag won't inflate, but there's oxygen there, promise. If your sitting next to a small child, or someone who is acting like a small child, please do us all a favor and put onyour mask first. If you are traveling with two or more children, please take a moment now to decide which one is your favorite. Help that one first, then work your way down.
In the seat pocket in front of you is a pamphlet about the safety features of this plane. I usually use it as a fan when I'm having my own personal summer. It makes a very good fan. It also has pretty pictures. Please take it out and play with it now.
Please take a moment now to make sure your seat belts are fastened low and tight about your waist. To fasten the belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle. To release, it's a pulley thing---not a pushy thing like your car because you're in a airplane-- HELLO.
There is no smoking in the cabin on this flight. There is also no smoking in the lavatories. If we see smoke coming from the lavatories, we will assume you are on fire and put you out. This is afree service we provide.
There are two smoking sections on this flight, one outside each wing exit. We do have a movie in the smoking sections tonight ... hold on, let me check what it is. Oh here it is, the movie tonight is Gone with the Wind.
In a moment we will be turning off the cabin lights, and it's going to get really dark, really fast. If you're afraid of the dark, now would be a good time to reach up and press the yellow button. The yellow button turns on your reading light. Please don't press the orange button unless you absolutely have to. The orange buttonis your seat ejection button.
We're glad to have you with us on board this flight. Thank you for choosing Delta, and giving us your business and your money. If there's anything we can do to make you more comfortable, please don't hesitate to ask. If you weren't strapped down you would have given me a standing ovation, wouldn't you ?.
After landing
Welcome to San Francisco International airport. Sorry about the bumpy landing. It's not the captains fault. Its not the co-pilots fault. It's the Asphalt.
Please remain seated untill the plane is parked at the gate. At no time in history has a passenger beaten a plane to the gate. So please don't even try.
Please be careful opening the overhead bins because "shift happens"
