How to reply to a telemarketer..

[Afraid_of_Fish]

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for
bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so
glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I
have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes
are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to
spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then
ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business,
how many people work there, how they got into this line of work
if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue
asking them personal questions or questions about their company
for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name
is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and
with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how
have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief
moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could
know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each
one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to
speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and
Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't
have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood?
Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her
to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you
can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company,
and they can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a
Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and
then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask
him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you
can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that
telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess
you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The
Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please
hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat
at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your
dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and
ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I
should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a
joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your
momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to
speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write
every word down.

NOTICE: The above have all been tested and approved for use on
telemarketers. No animals were harmed in the testing

[Uncle Pug]

I stop them immediately and tell them I charge $5 per minute to listen to sales calls and that if they choose to continue with the call that they will be billed accordingly and ask if that is acceptable to them.

This has been tested and works quite well. Most decline but one poor fellow was so flustered he actually gave me his personal credit card number.

[wstein]

I stop them immediately and tell them I charge $5 per minute to listen to sales calls and that if they choose to continue with the call that they will be billed accordingly and ask if that is acceptable to them.

This has been tested and works quite well. Most decline but one poor fellow was so flustered he actually gave me his personal credit card number.

So that explains all sudden new dive gear you have been talking about!!


Paul

[Green_Manelishi]

my wife simply hangs up.

no "good bye" or anything, she just hangs up.

[awap]

My answering machine message used to say "If this is AT&T, stop calling. Anyone else...." They finally agreed to stop calling.

[SueMermaid]

I had very little trouble with telemarketers until I moved in April and got a new phone number. The phone company apparently sold my name to lots and lots of sales organizations. I am officially irked about that.

[CBulla]

I have fun with the fools who call me.. I'll go into the bathroom and spin the toilet paper around a lot (opposite direction of needin some of course) then I'll flush the toilet.. "Sorry about that.. couldn't hear ya for a few moments there... can you hang on while I wash my hands."

My wife also makes interesting comments in that "hushed" voice to me getting close to the reciever.. that has recieved some interesting responses!

My favorite is just answering the phone "Pizza Hut!" or "Little Seizures!" or something

[wstein]

To take this a slightly different direction, I used to have phone number that was one number off from the local pizza hut. So I used to get at least 1 call a week from someone looking to order a pizza. After awhile I just started keeping the ad's and menu's from pizza hut handy and I would start taking pizza orders. I wonder if those people are still waiting for their pizza's????

Oh Colin, my fav way to answer the phone sometimes is Hung Low's Chinese Pizza.

Paul

[mstudley]

I get zero calls from telemarketers at home. I have my home and cell numbers on the 'Do Not Call' list and there's a telezapper between the line and my phone (not sure if it's effective anymore).

When I do get them, it's at work and they're usually companies that we have done business with before or companies in related businesses so it isn't really that bad.

I used to get them and would just hang up. A -long- time ago I was a telemarketer. I lasted 3 days. Believe me, you aren't being rude by hanging up you're doing them a favor. They don't want to talk to you either Imagine receiting whatever scripted nonsense they have in front of them hour after hour. Just hang up and feel good about it.

[skywalk234]

My brother usually tells them the following "Skippy is on the ceilling fan and we are out of peanut butter goodbye."