very sad...might very well have broken up w/ my gf

[Moogyboy]

hi everyone

This has been a rough week for me. It looks like the long distance part of this long distance relationship may have finally caught up with my girlfriend and me. She lives in New Jersey, I live in Ohio, and we can't find a way to make it so that we can both live together on terms that we both agree on. I have a career, a home, two bands, my family, and a good living arrangement here and can't in good conscience give it all up, but she doesn't want to move here, and after trying to put it off and ignore it, it's come to a head. We met online on a mailing list and we've known each other for almost four years. It's difficult for me, maybe more for her. We like each other a lot and I hope that we can continue on as friends, but it's just this one issue that seems to have come in between us. I don't want to bother you all with my personal problems but I need some support.

thx

Billy S.

[cancun mark]

I think the term "long distance relationship" is an oxymoron.

Thats tough though dude, especially if you both want it to work but for an accident of geography.

[pennypue]

1. Realize that the end is only the beginning of something new. Don't be afraid to have let something end, but rather rejoice that it had even started.

2. Write a song, include scuba diving in it.

"it is a far, far greater thing to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" (or something like that)

[Scubaguy62]

Billy...

I believe we all know how it feels. I did an LDR once, and like you, we met online. She lived in Texas, I live in Florida. Fortunately, I guess, it didn't last but 3 months. After that, I limited my searches to within 50 miles of my zip code. Out of the 10 people I met, only 1 was worth pursuing, but she had issues that she hadn't listed in her profile. Pennypue has a very good point on #1; Mark also has a very good point. Back home in Puerto Rico, we refer to LDR's as "amor de lejos, amor de pendejos." Roughly translated, LDRs are for fools. I realize this is probably the least of what you'd like to hear, but human beings need constant companionship in order to weigh profitability of the relationship and decide whether we will give anything up, and how much we will, if we do.

Keep your chin up and your searches local. You'll be glad you did!!!

Good luck!!

[down4fun]

I recently let go of a long distance relationship on a friendly basis. My heart goes out to you. Endings are hard especially when it's on a friendly basis. Seems like it is easier when you can hate the other person.

I'm trying to look at it this way I needed to make a space for something better to come along. Until then I hope to just enjoy the moment and dive, dive, dive.

[pennypue]

Pennypue has a very good point on #1;

But I thought #2 was better.

[Randy43068]

She's Geographically Undesirable.

That is tough. Take a step back and really think about it objectively. It's hard enough to get to know someone really well when spending time with them every few days, let alone 500 miles (or more) away. It wasn’t a waste of time because you learned what you like in a mate and enjoyed her company.

I hate to be so trite, but as the cliché goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Keep your chin up, these feelings will pass.

Good luck, hope you feel better SOON.

Maybe I'll see you at a Sea Nags or TA dive club meeting.



Randy (another diver in Columbus)

hi everyone

This has been a rough week for me. It looks like the long distance part of this long distance relationship may have finally caught up with my girlfriend and me. She lives in New Jersey, I live in Ohio, and we can't find a way to make it so that we can both live together on terms that we both agree on. I have a career, a home, two bands, my family, and a good living arrangement here and can't in good conscience give it all up, but she doesn't want to move here, and after trying to put it off and ignore it, it's come to a head. We met online on a mailing list and we've known each other for almost four years. It's difficult for me, maybe more for her. We like each other a lot and I hope that we can continue on as friends, but it's just this one issue that seems to have come in between us. I don't want to bother you all with my personal problems but I need some support.

thx

Billy S.

[CBulla]

Dude.. you'll look back on this in a few months or a few years and realize it was a speedbump in life. Thats how I see my X.... she's local unfortunatly, well, for a few more weeks. It was tough at first, but the longer I was apart the more I realized I was better off without her. Then... I called someone I had met some years before.....

My wife and I dated long distance (1385 miles apart) traveling back and forth for long weekends. I'd fly to MI and we'd do a vacation weekend up there into the UP, she came down here and we'd go camping, canoeing, beaches, etc.. you get the idea.... 3 months later we just faced the facts that we we're meant to be and eloped! Been together over 3 years now and have #2 on the way.

Moral of the story - one door closes, a window opens. Acknowlege and move on..

[drbill]

Shudder... not what I needed to read as my 5,500 mi LDR heats up. 1 1/4 hours on the phone this AM Tokyo to California. Ah, but it is worth it... we will do our vacations as dive trips together, I'll take my work to Tokyo to be with her (thank goodness for the Internet). Although we're geographically challenged, the right woman is fine even if it need be an LDR for the moment.

Sorry about your conclusion.

Dr. Bill

[DA Aquamaster]

Long distance relationships are very tough and to work something has to give. Usually both parties will inevitably have to compromise to turn it into a real live see each other every day relationship. If one or more of you are not willing to do that, that is telling you that the relationship really does not have a future anyway as the priorities are just not in the right order and the necesary level of committment just is not there. Life is way too short to try to maintain a relationsip like that. The intial part sucks as you adjust to the loss, but as indicated above, once you get past a that a whole new world of opportunities open up.

The only completely satisfying long distance relationship I have ever had was with my ex-wife. It was the happiest day of my life when I found out she was moving to Saipan. In some relationships, the more distance the better and half way around the planet was just about perfect for that one.