Bogie
Contributor
I decided to repost this in Norcal forum because my Norcal buddies missed this important part of literary history.
The History of Pee
After God created water, he created man, which made it inevitable that man would have to endeavor with water intake and outtake cycles.
Water in its many forms is precious.
My earliest recollection of water outtake was when I was in my mothers womb. I knew something was feeling good but since I was neutrally buoyant in a warm mini ocean, I did not feel the added warmth. I am not sure if I was responsible for my mothers indigestion, I just knew it felt good.
The birthing process was much like getting out of my dry suit neck seal. My head was too big and it was quite a squeeze. The diaper phase of my pee history was peasant enough because I did not have to deal with the clean up and of course it felt nice and warm. I did not think that I would have to deal with this phase again but I was mistaken when I took up scuba diving.
Growing up a boy has its advantages. One great advantage we have over girls is that we get to aim at any target we choose if we have the range. Yes we have all done it, you back away from the urinal as far away as you can while hitting the target. You always pee on the floor until you get your range in line. It is part of the learning curve. (Sorry janitors).
During my beer-drinking phase, I could pee over a cop car. (Thats another story)
I will scroll fast forward to the last year because I dont want to disclose too much.
I started my first dives in a wet suit. Just cut loose any time you want. That is why you rent them, not to stay warm but to get that nice warm feeling covered in stretch neoprene. OK, now I am getting too weird.
I purchased a used dry suit by dive six. It was confusing. Not the donning, not the zippers, seals, cumbersomeness of it, but where the hell do you pee? What a stupid invention. Was this apparel created to torture people?
At first I would hold it until my buddy looked me in the eyes and thought I had jaundice. I played years of football, broke my arm, was bloodied and played in pain every game. None of that compares to DUI internal water torture. I posted a previous thread on one incident over 600 of you troublemakers read it (sic).
I cried uncle and went to diapers. There are not a lot of manly diapers on the market. No pirate pictures, no skull and bones, nothing in black. I have tried every brand out there. If you hydrate and pee like a horse they all leak. It is a stinky affair to change. It was like nothing I remembered it.
I finally found the holly grail of diapers for those of us who pee like horses. I bought them on line (abena, abri-form, m4, 4163). You can pee in these for a week and they dont leak. (not that I have tried). You will have to add about 10 lbs. and adjust your trim unless you like to dive with your arz in the air (not really). Not a lot of dignity being a grown man and peeing in your diapers.
Well, I had enough of these gorilla diapers when I strained my bicep lifting one of these full pillows of tea after a dive to the bathroom garbage. Used a box of baby wipes and said that is it; I am getting my charge card out and getting a pee valve.
The adventure of pee valves
Now, I am off to a new adventure of sophisticated dive equipment. I returned home with one installed and was surprised to see an automobile pressure hose attached. These hoses are stiff cumbersome man member torture devices. Try to loop it, turn it, or twist it and it flex back and gives you the black middle finger. Ouch! My first experience was painful and I dont remember the dive. PVT (pee valve trauma).
Next dive I took a knife to it. I cut it so it did not cut me. It was a survival thing. My last dive with it was good. It took a while for me to trust my other scuba gear and I am building trust with this gadget.
Oh, yea, the octopus sticky owie device that attaches to your dive buddy. First time I tried this on in the privacy of my own home I was dumbfounded. What the hell I thought, I need a fluffer. It went on all crooked and got caught in the forest. I felt like Ben Stiller in the movie Theres something About Mary. As I was crying, I was going to call 911 but I remembered the pork and beans episode of this movie. Eventually I got everything off but it required a tourniquet for a period of time.
This experience has brought me closer to God. Now I pray Two Our Fathers and three Hail Marys when I put these mini-octos on.
Anyhow, a bit of baby powder in strategically placed area and now I have an exit strategy.
Scuba diving is a learning experience and I am still learning.
No pain, no gain.
The History of Pee
After God created water, he created man, which made it inevitable that man would have to endeavor with water intake and outtake cycles.
Water in its many forms is precious.
My earliest recollection of water outtake was when I was in my mothers womb. I knew something was feeling good but since I was neutrally buoyant in a warm mini ocean, I did not feel the added warmth. I am not sure if I was responsible for my mothers indigestion, I just knew it felt good.
The birthing process was much like getting out of my dry suit neck seal. My head was too big and it was quite a squeeze. The diaper phase of my pee history was peasant enough because I did not have to deal with the clean up and of course it felt nice and warm. I did not think that I would have to deal with this phase again but I was mistaken when I took up scuba diving.
Growing up a boy has its advantages. One great advantage we have over girls is that we get to aim at any target we choose if we have the range. Yes we have all done it, you back away from the urinal as far away as you can while hitting the target. You always pee on the floor until you get your range in line. It is part of the learning curve. (Sorry janitors).
During my beer-drinking phase, I could pee over a cop car. (Thats another story)
I will scroll fast forward to the last year because I dont want to disclose too much.
I started my first dives in a wet suit. Just cut loose any time you want. That is why you rent them, not to stay warm but to get that nice warm feeling covered in stretch neoprene. OK, now I am getting too weird.
I purchased a used dry suit by dive six. It was confusing. Not the donning, not the zippers, seals, cumbersomeness of it, but where the hell do you pee? What a stupid invention. Was this apparel created to torture people?
At first I would hold it until my buddy looked me in the eyes and thought I had jaundice. I played years of football, broke my arm, was bloodied and played in pain every game. None of that compares to DUI internal water torture. I posted a previous thread on one incident over 600 of you troublemakers read it (sic).
I cried uncle and went to diapers. There are not a lot of manly diapers on the market. No pirate pictures, no skull and bones, nothing in black. I have tried every brand out there. If you hydrate and pee like a horse they all leak. It is a stinky affair to change. It was like nothing I remembered it.
I finally found the holly grail of diapers for those of us who pee like horses. I bought them on line (abena, abri-form, m4, 4163). You can pee in these for a week and they dont leak. (not that I have tried). You will have to add about 10 lbs. and adjust your trim unless you like to dive with your arz in the air (not really). Not a lot of dignity being a grown man and peeing in your diapers.
Well, I had enough of these gorilla diapers when I strained my bicep lifting one of these full pillows of tea after a dive to the bathroom garbage. Used a box of baby wipes and said that is it; I am getting my charge card out and getting a pee valve.
The adventure of pee valves
Now, I am off to a new adventure of sophisticated dive equipment. I returned home with one installed and was surprised to see an automobile pressure hose attached. These hoses are stiff cumbersome man member torture devices. Try to loop it, turn it, or twist it and it flex back and gives you the black middle finger. Ouch! My first experience was painful and I dont remember the dive. PVT (pee valve trauma).
Next dive I took a knife to it. I cut it so it did not cut me. It was a survival thing. My last dive with it was good. It took a while for me to trust my other scuba gear and I am building trust with this gadget.
Oh, yea, the octopus sticky owie device that attaches to your dive buddy. First time I tried this on in the privacy of my own home I was dumbfounded. What the hell I thought, I need a fluffer. It went on all crooked and got caught in the forest. I felt like Ben Stiller in the movie Theres something About Mary. As I was crying, I was going to call 911 but I remembered the pork and beans episode of this movie. Eventually I got everything off but it required a tourniquet for a period of time.
This experience has brought me closer to God. Now I pray Two Our Fathers and three Hail Marys when I put these mini-octos on.
Anyhow, a bit of baby powder in strategically placed area and now I have an exit strategy.
Scuba diving is a learning experience and I am still learning.
No pain, no gain.
