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Once a friend told me: "Kill your favorites" ...think about it :-) Here are just a few hints from my point of view:
1) I would edit with hard cuts from clip to clip. You don't need effects or fade into black for a smooth looking change from clip to clip. Don't cut in the middle of a scene with shaky camera.
2) Long clips especially whalesharks passing until they fade in the blue: cut it out, I mean watching 20 sec at the whalesharks tail fin is boring even it is a whaleshark. Don't repeat scenes with similar looking content, just use the better one.
3) The video would be more interesting if it is around 3-4 minutes long and also includes some shots from overwater, maybe the preparation of the dive with fast cuts and different music.
4) You could include a basic underwater sound, not the breathing itself. Something artificial.
You said feedback much appreciated ;-) Of course I am no pro and we mostly have to take what we get.
Naturally, it is a pleasure to see the whalesharks in your video. Thanks for sharing, even it is on vimeo and not on marinevideo.eu :-)