Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[Tropicalwolf]

A classic from many years past...

"Diving builds trust and comraderie. Divers are some of the best, most honest people I know. Hey, where's the dive knife I left on the table?"

 

[cruiser]

Overheard one evening at a resort in Roatan:

"I need a buddy for the night dive, in case my light goes out."

 

[TSandM]

I had the absolute pleasure of getting to know Curt Bowen, the owner and editor of Advanced Diver Magazine, on a trip to north Vancouver Island last year. The first evening, the whole group is sitting in the restaurant, getting to know one another. Curt is sitting at the end of the table, and he looks the quintessential redneck -- crewcut, pink-complected, stocky man, with a slow, strong drawl. And I hear him say to his tablemate, "I don't know my a&& from a hole in the ground . . . and that's a BAAAAD thing for a cave diver."
Cracked me up then, and cracks me up now. It was not the last very funny thing Curt said on the trip.

 

[Rich Keller]

I was inspecting a potential commercial diving job with my boss when the project manager took us out to the site and said "It's too dangerous for a man down there so we need a diver to go in." To which my boss responded "What do you think we put in those rubber suits!"

 

[deepair]

We get this one all the time during Checkout dives at Bluestone Quarry.... " Are we still going to have class if it rains "?

 

[MartianBeerPig]

I had just been for a dive at Whytecliff Park (Vancouver). Trudged up the hill. I was literally sopping wet, in my dry suit carrying mask and fins. Made it to the top and was approached by a non-diver who asked me if he was allowed to swim in the water.

 

[eponym]

I've probably mentioned this before in other threads, but . . .

In 2004, my buddy and I were walking out of the water on Shelly Beach in Manly (Close to Sydney, Australia), and a mother and very young son (maybe five) were close by. This was within a year of the release of Finding Nemo.

The little guy stared at us in wonder for a moment, then asked excitedly, "did you see Nemo?"

Of course we responded "yes, and he said to say hello"

 

[scubadobadoo]

Almost anything written here on SB by voodoogasman.

 

[WorldLee]

Ok I have to preface this by saying when you live in Saudi Arabia for long enough you become a bit of a perv. (I fortunately was one before I arrived.)

I was on a dive boat with a bunch of snorkelers a few weeks back, most of whom were women in bikinis (free on the open sea!) My Buddy and I had spotted the boat and were doing a safety stop when he taps me on the shoulder and points up. You guessed it, girls in bikinis swimming above us. Needless to say we took a longer then average safety stop and buy the time we surfaced and got on the boat the snorkelers were already back on the boat. One of the gals comes striding up to me, and I prepare for a tongue lashing for being a perv.

She says, "I can't believe you divers, down there looking up at us. You make it look so easy."
I nearly fell off the back of the boat.

 

[fjpatrum]

I had just been for a dive at Whytecliff Park (Vancouver). Trudged up the hill. I was literally sopping wet, in my dry suit carrying mask and fins. Made it to the top and was approached by a non-diver who asked me if he was allowed to swim in the water.

Sounds ridiculously funny out of context, but several quarries I've read about don't allow swimmers who are non-divers.