Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[neil9327]

I don't know whether clothing errors count here, but earlier this week on holiday in the red sea after completing a dive I removed my wetsuit. And in the process it ripped the shorts I was wearing almost in half - via a line straight down the back of them.
The trouble is I didn't notice this until I arrived back at my hotel, and nobody mentioned anything. I just hope it was with amusement rather than horror that they had a chance to view my backside!
I think I'll change to a new dive centre to save my blushes..

 

[philba]

So, I hadn't dived in decades and wanted to get recertified. PADI application said I needed to get a doctor's permission. Now, I'm a very healthy 59 YO but my doctor is a fricking nervous nellie. Conversation went like this:

me: Hey, I want to take a SCUBA class, would you please sign this form.
nervous nellie doc: are you nuts, you're 60.
me: let's not get ahead of ourselves here, I want to go diving
nnd: how about a glass bottom boat?
me: I want to see the fishies.
nnd: how about just snorkling?
me: doc...
nnd: have you heard of SNUBA?
me: DOC...
nnd: ok, but you'll need a stress test (this is the guy that straps me into a CAT machine at the drop of a hat)
me: sigh, ok.

$2100 of tests later ($1400 out of my pocket, yikes) I got my signature and now possess a PADI OW cert. The nnd had ordered all sorts of extra stress tests. To add some insult, my doc is about 60 lbs overweight and I am in pretty good shape. Maybe time for a new doctor...

 

[Adam Grose]

I just got a GREAT t-shirt. It says "The best reason to own your own dive gear..... I peed in your rental wetsuit". Even better..... The shirt is YELLOW!!!

Adam

1. it takes nerves to pee in your rented wetsuit, but ...
2. it takes guts to pee in you rented wetsuit, on the boat, and ...
3. it takes balls to pee in your rented wetsuit, at the LDS

 

[ScoobaChef]

I was getting lunch for the guys at my lds, when the owner (a very active diver) told me to keep his food separate because he has a very severe allergy to even slight traces of seafood. I got halfway out the door before I was like " what the h@ll!?!?"

 

[mstevens]

I was getting lunch for the guys at my lds, when the owner (a very active diver) told me to keep his food separate because he has a very severe allergy to even slight traces of seafood. I got halfway out the door before I was like " what the h@ll!?!?"

How is that funny, or even odd?

 

[SC_Hoaty]

How is that funny, or even odd?

Because the ocean is full of "even slight traces of seafood?" Rumor has it that fish eat other fish!

 

[j2s]

One cave diver to another..."Did you bring your flag" ??????......Or, " I never cave dive at nite, it's too dark" !!!!!

 

[mstevens]

Because the ocean is full of "even slight traces of seafood?" Rumor has it that fish eat other fish!

The ocean, yes. Seawater, no. I've never heard of anyone even with an extraordinarily severe seafood allergy (and shellfish allergies are among the most common food allergies) having a reaction to seawater, even at a reef teeming with shellfish.

 

[rajesh447]

Bye guys!!! Love you

 

[ScubaSteve]

The ocean, yes. Seawater, no. I've never heard of anyone even with an extraordinarily severe seafood allergy (and shellfish allergies are among the most common food allergies) having a reaction to seawater, even at a reef teeming with shellfish.

Picture his post with a dash of irony ........Kind of like "I am allergic to peanuts but work in the front office of a PBJ sandwich maker."