Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[261311]

So, I hadn't dived in decades and wanted to get recertified. PADI application said I needed to get a doctor's permission. Now, I'm a very healthy 59 YO but my doctor is a fricking nervous nellie. Conversation went like this:

me: Hey, I want to take a SCUBA class, would you please sign this form.
nervous nellie doc: are you nuts, you're 60.
me: let's not get ahead of ourselves here, I want to go diving
nnd: how about a glass bottom boat?
me: I want to see the fishies.
nnd: how about just snorkling?
me: doc...
nnd: have you heard of SNUBA?
me: DOC...
nnd: ok, but you'll need a stress test (this is the guy that straps me into a CAT machine at the drop of a hat)
me: sigh, ok.

$2100 of tests later ($1400 out of my pocket, yikes) I got my signature and now possess a PADI OW cert. The nnd had ordered all sorts of extra stress tests. To add some insult, my doc is about 60 lbs overweight and I am in pretty good shape. Maybe time for a new doctor...

Does he even know what Scuba involves for stresses on the body? I believe the doctor is there to investigate if you're bottom line mentally ready and physically fit (especially related to cardio and respiratory), not treat you like an 89 year old cancer patient. New doc dude.

 

[philba]

Does he even know what Scuba involves for stresses on the body? I believe the doctor is there to investigate if you're bottom line mentally ready and physically fit (especially related to cardio and respiratory), not treat you like an 89 year old cancer patient. New doc dude.

No, I was completely surprised when he said something that indicated he was concerned about the effect of pressure on the heart - he seemed to think that inside the heart would be at a lower pressure than outside it. I explained the concept of ambient pressure to him but don't think it took. Yes, I'm looking for a new doctor, especially one that will outlive me.

 

[kimbalabala]

I've only made it through page #6 of posts and am having fun laughing out loud - thanks for resurrecting this one! Here's my funny - after finishing a day of diving Bull Shoals Lake (Arkansas - cold water) some fishermen asked us what we saw down there. My husband didn't miss a beat and said "the fish you didn't catch"!

 

[miked]

I have another (3 yrs after my last post in this thread):
While on a dive boat,in the Atlantic Ocean, as we neared the site, there was a woman working the buttons on her computer, her head was down, eyes focused intensely on the computer screen.
She looked up, then around, then at me, when she said "excuse me, do you know what altitude we are at?"
Not wishing to be rude, I looked over the side of the boat, at the surface, and said "about 4, 4 and a half feet".
She was not pleased with my answer......... ?????

 

[dumpsterDiver]

My buddy tells a story from several years ago. He bought a dive computer at a pawn shop and he thought he understood how to operate it. He got out on the water and was having trouble; so he called out on the radio and a few of his commercial buddies responded and were trying to help him set the mix. He was continuing to have trouble working through the screens ..until one of his buddy's just blurts out on the radio "come on Bill! It only has ONE button!"" He said he was too embarassed to ask any more questions....

 

[TUTs_mama]

My younger sister is interested in getting certified to SCUBA dive. She was born a preemie and had to be intubated, which resulted her having diminshed lung capacity. She has estimated 80% lung capactity. My mother tells me she can not SCUBA dive because my sister has only 80% lung capacity and can not breathe 100% oxygen, no joke....


Captain of a dive boat in HI had the best speech I had ever heard, including about how finnicky his toilet is. His toliet speech goes something like: the head is a finnicky eater, it only eats two thing. Number one and number two. And ladies, no strings, no wings.

Everytime it cracked us up.....

 

[dadediver]

Diving in Florida. They buddy me up on my second dive with a guy who has every possible gadget and most expensive gear. I tell him that I'm diving EAN36. "Don't worry, I understand" he says. Then drops down to 100+ on entry. It was an enjoyable solo dive.

If you didnt inhale all the way in, you would had been okay...........

 

[Red13]

Was at a resort in Hawaii talking to the tours and activities guy asking about scuba diving. To Which I asked about depth. His response: you get to go 45 feet sometimes!
Went to a lds and quickly found deeper dives.

 

[bowlofpetunias]

Funny but SCAREY! I assisted a Diver who had been pulled out of the water by his buddy, barely conscious when I got to him. Got him on 100% O2 and questioned his buddy. They got in.. down into the channel 8M(26') patient started floundering and headed to the surface... dive time about 5 minutes. Here is the funny sad quote...
Paramedic "It is not dive related because he wasn't under water for longer than 10 minutes!"

 

[ScubaSteve]

Paramedic "It is not dive related because he wasn't under water for longer than 10 minutes!"

:headscratch: