I need a reality check

[Jim Lapenta]

Your spouse is a jerk. I would be very surprised if his bs behavior does not carry over into other areas. That type of reckless disregard for others is usually a repeated pattern in other areas. I'd never dive with him again. On a personal note, see a lawyer. You can do better than a dipwad like him.

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[FinnMom]

"let spouse finish whatever he is doing." So he's a he.

You should not dive together. Your styles are different enough that even w/o any big events you will spend a lot of time being angry with each other at home and not enjoying your dives. That's the nice version of why you really, truely, stick-to-it, believe-me-already should not dive together. Take this version and we won't need to talk about not diving with dolts or train wrecks.

Even diving separately it sounds like your health insurance better be kept in darn good shape. And if you really need to be somewhere after the dive better take your own car... possibly to a different site in the 1st place ;-)

 

[Darnold9999]

Take a deep breath. Sounds like the two of you have more issues than this one. You lost a trim weight - I am guessing two lbs, no big deal at the beginning of the dive, no big deal at the end of the dive - grab a rock. Even 5 lb should be manageable at the end of a dive - uncomfortable but manageable. Not life threatening, 2 lbs is really not even a reason to abort a dive, not a reason to scream at someone at the top of your lungs on the surface. Yes spouse should have asked, yes spouse should have had better control over weights and should be a safer diver, but overreacting is not likely to resolve your issues.

 

[Diver0001]

What would you do?

How rude.... at the very least it is a highly unusual and unsafe thing to do.

Has he done things like this before or in other areas? Did he say what he was thinking?

R..

 

[Jim Lapenta]

Take a deep breath. Sounds like the two of you have more issues than this one. You lost a trim weight - I am guessing two lbs, no big deal at the beginning of the dive, no big deal at the end of the dive - grab a rock. Even 5 lb should be manageable at the end of a dive - uncomfortable but manageable. Not life threatening, 2 lbs is really not even a reason to abort a dive, not a reason to scream at someone at the top of your lungs on the surface. Yes spouse should have asked, yes spouse should have had better control over weights and should be a safer diver, but overreacting is not likely to resolve your issues.

Where did she overeact? A diver stole some of her ballast. A potentially dangerous situation. He should have grabbed the friggin rock. She would have been justified in slapping him on the boat. Spouse or not the bum should have kept his damn hands to himself.

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[TSandM]

My trim weights are sometimes four pounds. I can cope with four pounds light at the beginning of a dive (as the story here suggests they were) but I've been at this a while.

 

[DevonDiver]

The entire incident would have been avoided if a proper pre-dive check was completed. B.W.R.A.F. - W = weights.

As with many/most safety-jeopardizing incidents that occur on dives, there are normally multiple failures along the 'incident chain' long before anything obvious occurs.

 

[flots am]

Your spouse is a jerk. I would be very surprised if his bs behavior does not carry over into other areas. That type of reckless disregard for others is usually a repeated pattern in other areas. I'd never dive with him again. On a personal note, see a lawyer. You can do better than a dipwad like him.

I'm not a lawyer, but am pretty sure that stealing some weight on an OW dive isn't grounds for divorce.

 

[SeaHorse81]

I'm not a lawyer, but am pretty sure that stealing some weight on an OW dive isn't grounds for divorce.

I know Jim's response might sound a bit over-the-top, but I can't disagree with anything he said. I'm a marital therapist and a scuba diver, and the relational bits of the OP wave far bigger red flags for me than the diving bits do (and the diving bits are pretty bad). That kind of behavior and disregard for others (especially intimate others) does not occur in isolation. If not a lawyer, at least a good therapist who specializes in dealing with control issues in relationships.

Personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable getting in the water with him again. I'd also be trying to take a hard look at how trustworthy he actually is in other important ways.

 

[CamG]

First and foremost YOU DO NOT EVER TAKE WEIGHT FROM YOUR BUDDY!
You simply abort the dive if you do not have enough or forget yours!
If someone would have been hurt this person spouse or not would have simply figured it was just happen stance none of their wrong doing!
Serious issues here with this mentality and diving even simple recreational dives.
It is not a matter of if it is a matter of when!

My advice would be to stop and take a hard look at your buddy and decide if you will dive with them again.
I have become quite a different fellow the last few years and somewhat far more less tolerant for bad buddies!
I choose to invest in my buddies dive goals and expect the same commitment right back.
If this is not agreed upon them we go separate ways, no harm no fowl!

I would be very concerned if this buddy was my spouse.
I would not be diving with them again.

CamG