CptTightPants21
Contributor
I think it was a poor decision to flood her mask. If she's not able to dive with basic judgement or responsibility, that's an indication that unexpected stress on her during a dive could have bad consequences. Then how would you feel? You would have been better off simply pestering her until she ascended, and stayed ready to offer assistance. Your action was a result of your frustration with her bad dive behavior (at least in your opinion it was bad) and yet you responded with bad dive behavior of your own.
When I was a DM, I did on one occasion drag a client up to safety stop depth by his tank valve, although in that case he was simply unaware of his depth and not really able to manage his dive. He wasn't resisting. As a last resort, you could have dragged your daughter up gently by her valve, although I wouldn't recommend that either if she was actively resisting, but at least she wouldn't be put in a situation that could have resulted in panic.
I would suggest two things; first, since she did not responsibly manage the first dive, you should have sat her out on the 2nd dive. I presume you're the one paying for the trip, you could simply refuse to let her go on the 2nd dive. Instead, by letting her go on the 2nd, you basically sent her the message that she can get away with poor diving judgement.
Second, I'd suggest not diving with your daughter for a while. Make her dive with a private DM or instructor and maybe she'll learn something from that experience. And, it will be less stressful for you.
One problem is the general lack of awareness on his part. He didn't know how much air she had, he had the DM hand her off without a clear understanding between the 3 of them that they would be surfacing. In my mind, pulling the mask became acceptable mostly because of the situation that he helped create--you have no idea how much air she went through struggling with him, allowing her to go back down would be unacceptable.
She had air in her tanks, air from the DM, and air from the rest of the group. She was in more danger when he interjected himself into the situation and started fighting with her to get up than in any other part of the dive.
These things like what happens if one diver is running low on air should have been part of the dive debrief by the DM. Some let the people surface, some give them the octo, some take them back to the boat while the rest of the group continues the dive. The situation could have been handled a dozen different ways, but it all boils down to a little experience and pre-dive planning.