Funny things heard on the dive boat

[ZapDiver]

she was dead serious about that, she said that since her husband told her so, it must be true.. Go figure..

 

[Hoomi]

she was dead serious about that, she said that since her husband told her so, it must be true.. Go figure..

I'm guessing it would not be forum-appropriate to speculate on the other things he told her that she believes...

erv:

 

[bowlofpetunias]

The DM explained on the dive brief that there were a series of moorings along the path of the drift dive.

DM "When you get to 70 bar indicate to me and I will take you to the nearest mooring line. You and your buddy will go up the mooring line, do your safety stop and when you surface the boat will pick you up"

Diver "Do the moorings go all the way to the bottom?"

BTW my recipe for fake vomit tastes better. Mix arrowroot biscuits with fruit cocktail till it absorbs all the liquid... the peaches look alarmingly like carrots! Yummmy

 

[Siantis]

The first time I went out on a dive boat, the DM gave a great briefing.

Basically it boiled down to "Follow me if you want, but if you come up to me and flash 500 psi, I'm going to shrug and point up."

And "Underwater rescues are $500, body recoveries are $1000."

 

[@sea]

Two divers met on a holiday and decided to dive together. One of them was experienced and had done many dives, while for the other one it was first time to be diving in the ocean.

During the dive they see a white-tip shark with a huge belly just next to them.

After coming out from the dive

Experienced Diver : WELL, what you think…nice haaa…I always like the white-tips.

Buddy : Well that wasn’t a white-tip that was a Grey Reef man…HUGE !!!!! …

Experienced Diver : No my friend that was a white-tip believe me I have seen many of them.

Buddy : NO man it’s too big to be a white-tip shark. It was a Grey reef I am positive.

Experienced Diver: It was so close I won’t get a white-tip wrong from that distance.
I can give you a 100% that it was a white-tip shark.

Buddy: OK man enough of this now..Ok let’s call it a white-tip but WHICH WAS ALMOST A GREY REEF? !!!

If you dont get this please call 911

Have FUN!!!
@sea

 

[Supershark]

Ok I will bite:

These are all questions/comments said to me by customers whilst diving in the Similans/Koh Bon/Koh Tachai/Richelieu Rock

Question: "What was that bit of broken coral you showed me?"
Answer: "An Ornate Ghost Pipefish"

Question: "What was that blue thing? It looked like a slug!"
Answer: "That was the finger from a blue sea star that the Harlequin Shrimp (X3) were feeding on, did you listen to me briefing at all?"

Statement: I did not see anything good!
Question: This is Richelieu Rock. How did you not see anything good?
Answer: "All I saw was a couple of seahorses, and lots of other small stuff, and we only went to 30 metres, I want to go deep!"
(Picture me and staff rolling on the floor laughing, customer doing AOW course)

Question: "I want to do a dive trip, bit only if you guarentee I will see sharks!'
Answer: "Go to the Aquarium, you will see sharks!"

Question: "That was an Ok dive, bit why was there only 3 Manta Rays?"
Answer: "Are you for real?"

Question: "Have I filled in my logbook ok?"
Answer: "Are you sure you did not buy your instructor card on Koh San Road?"
Answer: "I never have logbook before."
Question: "What?"
Answer: "I'm Russian I not care about that!"

Question: "Will I find Nemo?"
Answer: "****** off"

That is all from 1 trip.

 

[Joe Cool]

While on a dive boat in Cozumel:
A diver lady wanted to find out the purpose of that 'yellow tube' hanging off my mask strap on the side of my face.

My reaction: Speechless and stumped!

 

[Charles21093]

For our first two days at Bloody Bay Wall we were challenged by 8-10 foot seas. Thanks to Captain Ron and Dottie we didn't miss one dive although most of the other boats stayed on the south side of Little Cayman. After one particularly hairy passage and immediately after tying up to the mooring over our first dive, the captain called out, "Roll call!"

 

[Kellykins]

I got stung by a jellyfish when I was trying to protect a student from getting hit by it.
As I moved the jelly out of the way one of the tentacles wrapped around my wrist. After the dive I got back on the boat and told my buddy (the instructor) what happened he looked at me very seriously and says, "you want me to pi$$ on it?"

After the second dive he started loudly complaining that he must have gotten stung because his lips were burning. I looked at him in all seriousness and said, loudly, "you want me to pi$$ on it!"

Oh that's well funny =]

 

[jamiep3]

The lady who puked all the way out to the Indra, decided not to dive because she was sick, puked all the way home, then asked for a refund since she hadn't been able to dive.