Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here
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mike_s
Contributor
I the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary on the following reasons:
Sincerely,
P. Niss
The
Response
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request under the following reasons:
- I do physical labour.
- I work at great depths.
- I work in high temperatures. ...
- I work in a damp environment.
- I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
- I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
- My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
- I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
Sincerely,
P. Niss
The
Response
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request under the following reasons:
- You are unable to work double shifts.
- You do not work 8 hours straight.
- You will retire well before you are 65.
- You fall asleep after brief work periods.
- You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
- You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
- You do not take initiative
- you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
- You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
- You do not always observe necessary safety regulations, such as; wearing the required protective clothing.
- You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed an assigned task.
- And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
mobeeno
Contributor
By the time the soldier pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere", he pleaded with a proprietor. "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, but he is an Air Force guy" admitted the manager, and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm... not sure it'd be worth it to you.
" No problem." the tired Army guy assured him, "I'll take it." The next morning the soldier came down to breakfasts bright-eyed and bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better", said the soldier. The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring all night long?" "No, I shut him up in no time", explained the soldier.
"How'd you manage that?" asked the proprietor.
"Well, he was already in bed, snoring away, when I walked into the room, so I gave him a kiss on the cheek" explained the soldier. “Then, I whispered in his ear 'Good night beautiful', and he sat up all night watching me."
" No problem." the tired Army guy assured him, "I'll take it." The next morning the soldier came down to breakfasts bright-eyed and bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better", said the soldier. The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring all night long?" "No, I shut him up in no time", explained the soldier.
"How'd you manage that?" asked the proprietor.
"Well, he was already in bed, snoring away, when I walked into the room, so I gave him a kiss on the cheek" explained the soldier. “Then, I whispered in his ear 'Good night beautiful', and he sat up all night watching me."
A little girl came home from school.
"Mummy, Mummy, the boys at school are always trying to get me to do cartwheels in front of them!!"
The mother, knowing boys, was shocked. She said, ""Don't do the cartwheels in front of them, they're only trying to look at your underwear!!"
The daughter gave her mother a conspiring look, "Yes, I know that!! That's why I put my undies in my bag!"
"Mummy, Mummy, the boys at school are always trying to get me to do cartwheels in front of them!!"
The mother, knowing boys, was shocked. She said, ""Don't do the cartwheels in front of them, they're only trying to look at your underwear!!"
The daughter gave her mother a conspiring look, "Yes, I know that!! That's why I put my undies in my bag!"
pidgiepoo
Contributor
Dear Sir:
>
>
> The results from the laboratory confirm that the red ring
>
>
> around your penis was not in fact cancerous.
>
>
> After further study it was found to be lipstick.
>
>
> We apologize for the amputation.
>
>
> Sincerely,
>
>
> The Hospital
>
>
> The results from the laboratory confirm that the red ring
>
>
> around your penis was not in fact cancerous.
>
>
> After further study it was found to be lipstick.
>
>
> We apologize for the amputation.
>
>
> Sincerely,
>
>
> The Hospital
mobeeno
Contributor
How to piss of a frog
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzXM58qR1Es
---------- Post Merged at 08:16 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 08:21 AM ----------
[h=6]I dont know whether I should post this....any way here it goes:
Friendship between women: A woman doesn’t come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house.
The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.
Friendship between men: A man doesn’t come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The wife calls her husband's 10 best men friends. Eight of them confirm that he had slept over, and two claim that he was still there.[/h]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzXM58qR1Es
---------- Post Merged at 08:16 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 08:21 AM ----------
[h=6]I dont know whether I should post this....any way here it goes:
Friendship between women: A woman doesn’t come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house.
The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.
Friendship between men: A man doesn’t come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The wife calls her husband's 10 best men friends. Eight of them confirm that he had slept over, and two claim that he was still there.[/h]
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