Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[Laurie S.]

My boyfriend told me a story on himself. He's an instructor and was teaching the open water course. He demonstrated a giant stride off the boat and then immediately popped to the surface. Without missing a beat, he told his students, and that's why you always wear weights when you dive. He had to climb back on board to get the weights for his bc.

 

[Lizard Leg]

Heading back into the dock on a charter in the Keys - typical heading back into dock speech "All right, we need everyone to sit on a yellow cushion and please keep all hands and feet inside the boat until the engine shuts off. I'm sure everyone wants to make it back with all of their arms and ... legs.... intact...." as he turned beet red and the boat erupted in laughter.

I was sitting on the deck right next to him swapping out my dive leg for my walking leg prosthetic...

 

[bowlofpetunias]

We had just completed a dive at a local tide effected site. To get to the entry you have to walk quite a distance over barnacle and oyster covered rocks. The shallows where you gear up has a lot of Sea Urchins on the bottom.

I overheard this exchange between two divers approaching us heading towards the water.

Diver A in Full Gear "Is that all you are wearing?"

Diver B (wearing only Speedos and his BCD, carrying full foot fins) "Yeah.. impressive HUH?"

Diver A spots us approaching dripping water and asks "Did you just do a dive? Do you know where the entry point is?" :doh:

 

[billt4sf]

My brother went on a cruise recently with his wife who is not a Scuba Diver, so they were going to do a snorkling excursion.

The guide starts handing out masks, fins, and snorkles. A minute later my brother hears all this gurgling and gasping behind him. He turns around to see a young lady taking her mask off and gasping for air.

The young lady proceeds to raise her hand and pose the question to the guide... "I think my mask is broken. This nose part here is where you are supposed to breath from right?"

That actually made me LOL !!

---------- Post added January 22nd, 2013 at 06:32 PM ----------

A few times I have heard people say: "Oh, I wouldn't want to go diving or swimming in the ocean ...ewwww...there might be things living down there!"

 

[mstevens]

I'm hoping with great desperation that someone will post:

an anecdote about only needing to swim faster than ones buddy rather than faster than an attacking shark

an anecdote about stabbing ones buddy in case of possible shark attack

an anecdote about multiple size large fins all being mistaken for left fins due to an L marking​

because this thread sure does need more of those. Does nobody read threads before posting any more?

 

[tplyons]

During our confined water dives, we were doing our giant strides. Instructor told us "one hand on your mask, the other on your dangly bits"

To this day, SPG's are still dangly bits to us.

 

[Searcaigh]

When I was doing my DM course, the instructor was demonstrating retrieval of a lost second stage.

Instructor demonstrating: breathe in, take regulator out of your mouth and throw it away, then lean over to the right and with your right arm sweep forward to locate it and retrieve it.

One of the students (a very good looking Irish nurse who worked at the hospital where I was also employed) commented: But why would we be wanting to through away our regulator underwater?

 

[MXGratefulDiver]

I taught a drysuit class this week-end ... a lovely couple from eastern Washington who wanted to get into doing more local diving and bought themselves drysuits for Christmas.

After the class we were debriefing the dives and the husband said his biggest fear was that his wife wouldn't like it and would decide to stick to warm water diving.

Her response ... "After spending over a thousand dollars on a new outfit? Not a chance."

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

 

[cephasiii]

I'm hoping with great desperation that someone will post:

an anecdote about only needing to swim faster than ones buddy rather than faster than an attacking shark

an anecdote about stabbing ones buddy in case of possible shark attack

an anecdote about multiple size large fins all being mistaken for left fins due to an L marking​

because this thread sure does need more of those. Does nobody read threads before posting any more?

This thread has a lot of posts. I for one did not read every post.

 

[Tool Belt]

Met a woman that conquers her fear of diving by taking a Xanax before each dive.