Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[Insta-Gator]

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "But what the heck," he says to himself, I really want a drink."
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your penis?" The cowboy says, Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."
The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called Nike, for the slogan 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his Snickers, because 'It really Satisfies'."
The cowboy looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?" The man looks back and says with a smile "TIMEX"
The thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?"
The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!"
A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella's on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, " So, what do you guys call yours?"
The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because Quality is Job One." Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?" The guy next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY ... Like A Rock!" And gives a wink.
Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood.
Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me a beer."
The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why Secret?"
The cowboy says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN !

 

[WOODMAN]

The ohno bird

[FONT=&amp]The Ohno Bird can be found in the Paraguay Region of South America.[/FONT]

[FONT=&amp]The Origin of its' name is quite interesting.[/FONT]

[FONT=&amp]It has a body span of 8 to 10 Inches, 6 to 8 Inch Wings, 2 Inch Feet and 4 Inch Balls.[/FONT]

[FONT=&amp]Each time it comes in for a landing it goes " Oh No, Oh No !!! ".[/FONT]

Interesting- I heard that it was called the "OOOH OOOH bird.

 

[Jax]

---------- Post added May 14th, 2014 at 06:42 PM ----------

Oh, Gata fans .. .

 

[WOODMAN]

LIMERICK TIME! (be warned...):shocked2:


There was a crazy old man from O'Keefe.
who caused local farmers much grief.
To their cows he would run,
cut their legs off for fun,
and say "Look- I've invented ground beef!"



and another!

A bear relieving himself asked a rabbit-
"Does stuff stick to your fur as a habit?"
"Of course not" said the hare.
"It's really quite rare."
So the bear wiped his rear with the rabbit.




and lastly,

There was a young man from Bonaire,
who was doing his wife on the stair.
The bannister broke,
but he doubled his stroke,
and polished her off in midair.

Thenk you, thenk you verra much. (I just thought it was getting too quiet in here. I've got lots more if you wish...

 

[Jax]

Oh, Gata fans .. .

Fixed, i think?

 

[pidgiepoo]

Who said Nursing Homes were boring?
>
> Two elderly residents, a man and a woman, were alone in the lobby of their nursing home one evening.
>
> The old man looked over and said to the old lady,
>
> "I know just what you're wanting. For $5 I'll have sex with you right over there in that rocking chair."
>
> The old lady looked surprised but didn't say a word.
>
> The old man continued, "For $10 I'll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there, but for $20 I'll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in your life."
>
> The old lady still says nothing but after a couple of minutes, starts digging down in her purse.
>
> She pulls out a wrinkled $20 bill and holds it up.
>
> "So you want the nice romantic evening in my room," says the old man.
>
> "Get serious," she replies.
>
> "Four times in the rocking chair!!!!."

 

[Jax]

 

[pidgiepoo]

>>The Royal Canadian Mint has just announced
>>they are going to remove the polar bear
>>from the 'Toonie' (two dollars) in view of the bear's
>>demise soon with global warming
>>
>>
>>In the height of political correctness,
>>
>>they will replace it with two gay deer
>>
>>
>>having sex.
>>
>>
>>Instead of calling it a "toonie",
>>
>>it will now be called "two f***ing bucks

---------- Post added June 1st, 2014 at 12:43 PM ----------

> > David decided to propose to Penny, but prior to her acceptance Penny felt
>
> > she had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed
> > David that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a
> > 12 year old.
> > He stated that it was OK because he loved her sooo much. However, David felt
> > this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he had a deformity
> > too.
> > David looked Penny in the eyes and said, 'I too have a problem. My winky is
> > the same size as an infant and I hope you can deal with that once we are
> > married.'
> > She said, 'Yes, I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size
> > winky.'
> > Penny and David got married and they could not wait for the honeymoon. David
> > whisked Penny off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing,
> > and holding one another.
> > As Penny put her hands in David's pants, she began to scream and ran out of
> > the room! David ran after her to find out what was wrong.
> > She said, 'You told me your winky was the size of an infant!'
> > 'Yes, it is David said ... 6 pounds, 5 ounces, 14 inches long.

 

[pidgiepoo]

Today at 11:41 AM
How I lost my teeth....
>
>>I was in the Texas Rose last night, at the bar waiting for a beer, when a butt-ugly, big old heifer came up behind me, and slapped me on the ass.
>>She said, "Hey sexy, how about giving me your number!
>>I looked at her and said, "Have you got a pen?"
>>She said, "I sure do."
>>I said, " Well, you better get back into it before the farmer notices you're missing."
>>

 

[Jax]