There must be fifty ways to fail at Scuba

[VR78]

Your mask doesn't seal and your suit has a leak.
Your tank is too small and your light is too weak.
SMB isn't there, such a silly affair!
All set for the dive, Nick?

 

[arcticat99]

 

[Saboteur]

Hahahaha. Funny stuff. Will have an earworm for the next few days.

 

[RyanT]

I'm not creative enough to come up with one, but these were really fun! Thanks everyone!

 

[The Chairman]

Divers Song Parodies

 

[FinnMom]

Got yourself stuck, Chuck
A blast of lightning, did in Hopsing.

 

[eponym]

In memory of some of my SB mentors who have passed, I submit this based on Cohen's "Hallelujah" . . .

Now I’ve heard there was a secret cave
That David dived and it eased his pain
But you don’t really care for scuba, do you?

It goes like this, the reg, the mask
The long inhales, the long swims back
The brand-new caver attempting hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your breath was slow but you couldn’t nav
You thought you saw a quick way back
The cavern light was only an illusion

I tried to give you the caving line
You finned up silt, you crapped the dive
And we watched you as you recited Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Well, maybe there’s another dive
As for me, I can’t watch them die
I can’t be liable just ‘cause I outbreathed you
But it’s not a crime to swim to the light
It’s someone’s son or husband tonight
Who inspires a cold and very broken hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Well, people, I’m not teaching now
I know the risks, I know the how
Of sites I used to dive before I trained you
And I’ve seen the flowers on the strand
But diving, love, is not that grand
It’s a cold and it’s a wet and dark delusion
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You should have said when your air was low
We could have made a deco blow
But you never showed your gauge to me, no, did you?
And though helium helped in your tank too
The dark narc it was moving you
Then every single priceless breath we drew was
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Now I laid the lines, I mucked it up
I couldn’t see so I tried to touch
I found my way out, but not just to accuse you

And even though it all went sour
I can’t blame silt or tidal hour
I stand before my judge without illusion
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah

[for an original take, see ]

 

[eponym]

Watchtower. Dylan wrote it. Hendrix made it unforgettable. Love you both.

There must be one swim out of here
Said the student to the chief
There’s too much occlusion
I can’t remember the brief
Better cavers they ignore my line
Newbies want my berth
None who dived with me this time
Know what any of it’s worth
Hey, hey

No reason to be the first to splash
Titanic plattery’s not the goal
There are several here among us
Who think this dive is but a joke
But you and Ballard, we’ve been through all that
And Cameron’s got it on videotape
So let’s stop the skip-breathing now
N.D.L.s are getting late
Hey, hey

All that night on deck watch
The Chief Mate kept a view
While other divers came and they went
Bearing spear-catch, too
While underneath in the cold darkness
One diver lost his way
No recovery was possible
And the seas began to rage
Hey

All along the deck watch
All along the deck watch