Accepting criticisms: "You're gonna die!"

[Scared Silly]

Accepting criticisms: "You're gonna die!"

If I may be so bold as to suggest that the actual phrase is: Yer gonna die!

 

[The Chairman]

People that just want to pick a fight hate being ignored.

Indeed. They do. They really, really do.

 

[The Chairman]

the debriefer was absolutely right. By being brutally honest, this debrief served as a wake-up call and from that moment on, I worked hard to improve every day.

I died twice during my Full Cave class. I was allowed to fail and did it with a surprising alacrity. Later that day, as I was reflecting on who to invite to my funeral, another diver started to dish some rather harsh criticism which I felt I had earned. My instructor put a stop to it right there and essentially told my critic that they weren't doing me any favors. -I- had to come to grips with my double failure or I should simply stick to Open Water.

Few people go to the doctor unless they feel sick. Many of the same things that stop you from seeking medical assistance will also stop you from heeding advice. Sometimes, your critic has to give you a clue by four across your head to get your attention, but not always. Sometimes.

For most of us, Scuba is a hobby. A source of lifelong fun. We all have varying desires and wants when it comes to the level of skills we need and/or want. How much criticism do you need or want to go look at pretty fishies in Cozumel? But what if your attitude is such that you're putting yourself and others in danger?

 

[TMHeimer]

When someone joins SB, someone will often say that it's a wealth of information as long as you filter out the bad guys. I have to say I have seen very few of those. There was one person who always "weaponized". He disappeared a few years ago-- probably because nobody could stand him.

 

[Frontpointer1000]

Receiving criticism can be difficult. However providing criticism in an appropriate way can also be difficult. In my workplace I am unfortunately often tasked with providing positive reinforcing criticism, and outlining areas for potential improvement and that is still difficult despite doing this for years.

In the scuba diving world, I have often reflected on an experience that happened just six weeks ago. We were a team of three diving off a live aboard in the cold southern channel islands of California. I had made friends with another driver and had chatted in between dives for the previous couple of days. At this time We had just eaten dinner and were preparing for a night dive, my son chose to bow out of that dive. This other guy volunteered to dive with our team. Although he was a considerably less experienced driver than us, we agreed to have him come aboard. As I was suiting up, my son, a 16-year-old, pulled me aside and said he felt like this guy had been drinking.

Suddenly more aware, I focused on this other guy and felt that he had been drinking. I was afraid to mention this to him, and was really actually nervous. I talked to his girlfriend and she said he was adamant that he should go diving and she could not convince him otherwise. I asked him about the drinking and he said yes but not a big deal, he was fine. I suggested he should wait and we could dive again another day, but he said he was fine. At This point I was about to just say there’s no way in hell you’re diving with us, when the captain pulled him aside and said he had been watching him and there was a one drink no dive rule on the boat.

Saved by the captain I suppose. But what was amazing to me was that I realized how difficult it was to say no on such a simple thing that all of us know there should be no question about. We don’t want to offend and we don’t want to hurt, but simultaneously we must take care of ourselves. What also surprised me was that it was my 16-year-old son and not me Who noticed this guy. Third lesson is how quickly I get in the zone when I am suiting up and I have no keen sense of my surroundings during that time Because of my focus. Criticism is hard to give, even when it is essential.

 

[The Chairman]

Saved by the captain I suppose.

That's why they're there. I was in retail for a long time and have learned to "assume" the sale. Once they've taken that first drink, they've made their decision. Just accept it as such and move on. "Hey man, I hear you've called your dive tonight already. Make sure you belt one or two more for me."

 

[Frontpointer1000]

That's why they're there. I was in retail for a long time and have learned to "assume" the sale. Once they've taken that first drink, they've made their decision. Just accept it as such and move on. "Hey man, I hear you've called your dive tonight already. Make sure you belt one or two more for me."

That’s a great way to look at it.

 

[lowviz]

Something is about to gell, this just came to me:

The Myth Of "Nobody Can Make You Feel Bad Without Your Permission"
(kinda rough and 'adults only' but surprisingly well stated.)

 

[seeker242]

The two posts preceding this one were genuine attempts to help, yet they were rejected as "attacks". Where they over the top and too harsh? How would you respond to them?

It would depend entirely on the context in which the help was attempted to be given. For example, the statement "You seem to want to treat scuba diving as some kind of competitive sport with elite divers and stories of bravery and amazing feats." could easily be the posters inaccurate projection, rather than actually reality. If that is actually false, it's quite easy to see how that would be offensive to someone.

Even if it's true "Get over it" isn't going to be helpful to anyone.

 

[chillyinCanada]

Seeker242, That can be true but another truth I know is that it doesn't pay to be overly sensitive on the interweb forums, newsgroups and various places of comment.