All time funniest scubaboard threads? For us newbies

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NAUI Wowie

Contributor
Messages
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Location
Silicon Valley northern CA
# of dives
50 - 99
So just started up here recently and havent gone through 10 plus years of the forum like some ol timers here. When you first start reading here it seems like every subject no matter how benign IS life and death. You could start a thread about pink fins and we are instantly knee deep in florida cave diving ccr technique while saving the life of an OW trainee at 300 feet deep in an overhead scenario. Im not bashing cave diving mind you but I never see the humor on scubaboard very often.



Then I was directed to THIS thread. congrats to the O.P. with a fantastic start to a thread And yes this thread is very old so I didnt bump it.

**Split Fins – Let the Bashing Begin!**

and THIS post on page 5.... good god man.....


"When my buddy and I were diving the U-869 on air with John Chatterton and Richie Kohler last year, my buddy's split fins silted the place up so bad that I couldn't find my Spare-Air. I got so nervous I mistakenly hit the "up elevator" lever on my SeaQuest i-3 BCD. Ordinarily, this would have sent me shooting to the surface, but fortunately some monofilament got tangled around my Air-2. When I cut the line with the 11" knife strapped to my calf, I mistakenly poked the purge valve in my HydrOptix mask. I tried to use my tank banger to get my buddy's attention, but by that time he had gotten one of his suicide clips tangled up in the retractor I use to attach my dry snorkle to the transmitter of my air-integrated wireless compass, which I bought on-line instead of at the LDS that I stopped supporting ever since I signed up for e-learning. I believe that was right about the time I had the regs I bought at Leisure Pro serviced at the local Jiffy-Lube but didn’t actually test them myself before going on a special “Storm Tracker” live-aboard trip that I signed up for because in addition to free nitrox they were offering a special "take Fish ID, get your IDC free" promotion. Unfortunately I missed that trip because of the systemic fungal infection I contracted when the Halcyon p-valve I installed myself in my cave-cut trilam dry suit failed while I was solo-diving for golf balls without a scooter. Which I only did for the money, ever since the captain of the boat I DM on started making me tip the passengers $10/tank on every charter that I work.

I'm writing a book about it...

Shallow Divers: The true story of two Americans who risked everything to solve the mystery of every "you're gonna die" cliche on ScubaBoard

Ironically, it seems that Gary Gentile is now claiming that I actually did not experience EVERY cliche myself, based on a series of interviews with the girlfriend of the brother of a guy I shared a room with on Spring Break in 1987 and is now threatening to expose the REAL story of how all the trouble started when Papa Bear kept radioing the Coast Guard to ask whether he could log pool dives as "real dives".

I will happily refute Gary's assertions in an on-line interview on ScubaBoard, wherein I will respond to any and all questions with "get a BP/W" while wearing my mask on my forehead.

PS - it's not the agency, it's the instructor!"

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If anyone could direct me to more threads like this one I would be very appreciative. In fact threads such as this should be in their own HALL OF FAME thread section.
 
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If anyone could direct me to more threads like this one I would be very appreciative. In fact threads such as this should be in their own HALL OF FAME thread section.[/QUOTE]

You may want to start here.
ScubaBoard
 
I still have that hooded vest. It still has a tag on it. I am now ever farther removed from thinking I could fit in it. If you are interested in a size large ScubaPro hooded vest, let me now.
 
I still have that hooded vest. It still has a tag on it. I am now ever farther removed from thinking I could fit in it. If you are interested in a size large ScubaPro hooded vest, let me now.

Ah! It was a ScubaPro. That explains it. They are notoriously tight. I do own one in size XL, and I'd call it a solid Medium. It's only a 2.5mm/0.5mm, but I have to work to put it on and off, although all others suits (by other brands) I have are Large.

When I tried it on for the first time I had no idea that ScubaPro hoods come "uncut", and divers are expected to adjust them with scissors to match the shape of the face. I remember thinking "it fits OK, but are they kidding me with the size of this face opening?" My face was so smushed I looked like a pug.
 
I still have that hooded vest. It still has a tag on it. I am now ever farther removed from thinking I could fit in it. If you are interested in a size large ScubaPro hooded vest, let me now.

dude that was the funniest 1st post on a thread ive seen.... and no after literally almost dying trying on hooded vests, I found my head must be larger than most humans.....its the only explanation, I then went the semi dry 8 mil suit route. Similar but not as life threatening as a hooded vest!
 
https://www.shearwater.com/products/peregrine/

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