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Bricklayer's Accident Report

Discussion in 'Non-Diving Related Stuff' started by kmac, Sep 13, 2004.

  1. kmac

    kmac Solo Diver

    Dear Sir:

    "I am writing in response to your request

    for additional information in Block 3 of the accident

    report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my

    accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I

    trust the following details will be sufficient.

    I was alone on the roof of a new six-story building.

    When I completed my work, I found that I had some

    bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found

    to be slightly more than 500 lb.. Rather than carry

    the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a

    barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the

    side of the building on the sixth floor.

    Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the

    roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into

    it.Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it

    tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.

    You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form,

    that I weigh 135 lb..

    Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so

    suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let

    go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a

    rapid rate up the side of the building.

    In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel,

    which was now proceeding downward at an equally

    impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull,

    minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed

    in section 3 of the accident report form.

    Slowed down slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not

    stopping until the fingers on my right hand were two

    knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this

    time I had regained my presence of mind and was able

    to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to

    experience a great deal of pain.

    At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of

    bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the


    Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel

    weighed approximately 50 lb..

    I refer you again to my weight.

    As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the

    side of the building. In the vicinity of the third

    floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for

    the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several

    lacerations of my legs and lower body.

    Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter

    with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my

    injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and

    fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked.

    I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the

    pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost

    my composure and presence of mind and let go of the

    rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel

    beginning its journey back down onto me. This explains

    the two broken legs.

    I hope this answers your questions

  2. simbrooks

    simbrooks Snr LayZboy Meteorologist ScubaBoard Supporter

    # of Dives: 100 - 199
    Location: Orlando, Fl
    Still makes me laugh
  3. TwoTanks

    TwoTanks Divemaster

    # of Dives: 200 - 499
    Location: Massachusetts
    I saw mythbusters do a recreation of this story. once they got the barrel to fail it worked just like the story. It was hilarious to watch.

    TT :wink:
  4. kmac

    kmac Solo Diver

    I'll have to make sure I see that one... bet that is about the funniest thing...

    Hope they sent up Buster and not Adam! :wink:

    BTW, If anyone knows how I can get a job blowing stuff up on tv, let me know!!!
  5. donacheson

    donacheson Solo Diver

    # of Dives:
    Location: Maryland
    Everyone should hear Gerard Hoffnung, a Brit who created this story and who died in the late 50's as I recall, tell it. It's marvelous!
  6. kmac

    kmac Solo Diver

    Always wanted to get a show like Jeff Corwin... spend my time getting paid to poke animals with sticks and trying to get bit, but it seems everyones doing that now.

    Ashton having his own show is like the ultimate sign of network desperation... They WILL give anyone their own show... Could be a sign of the apocolypse! :11:

    Maybe blowing stuff up could be a good career change :D
  7. kmac

    kmac Solo Diver

    Was it done as a skit or standup routine? Really would like to hear it... The original is always the best.
  8. ohmdiver

    ohmdiver Solo Diver

    # of Dives: 200 - 499
    Location: ohmdiver@yahoo.com

    I heard as a bit on an old Dr. Demento show. I hurt by the time it was over. Glad to see that everything old is new again!! :smileysto
  9. donacheson

    donacheson Solo Diver

    # of Dives:
    Location: Maryland
    I don't know in fact how Hoffnung did it, but I get the impression it was a standup routine.

    I have it on a 33, but have no way to transfer it to my PC to digitize it.
  10. Ian T

    Ian T Instructor, Scuba

    Also a song recorded by the Dubliners.... :wink:

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