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Dating/Breakup With a Non-Diver.

Discussion in 'Non-Diving Related Stuff' started by MavinMarv, Dec 2, 2019.

  1. dewdropsonrosa

    dewdropsonrosa Solo Diver

    # of Dives: 200 - 499
    Location: Seattle, WA
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    It's hard to find everything that we want or need in one person. However, we can do very, very well in finding someone who loves and cares about us. Take a leaf out of the polyamory playbook: you need a love-spouse and a dive-spouse.

    My partner doesn't dive (it took me 18 months of progressive wrangling to get him into a DSD). Somewhere in the middle of the year and a half of trying, he had told me plainly that he just didn't care enough to try diving. At first, I took that like a fin to the face. My biggest passion wasn't worth 30 minutes in a swimming pool to him?! I have totally gone to see Marvel movies with him, which is ~6x the time commitment.

    I've abandoned ship on turning him into a diver. Instead, I've refocused on finding a small group of really great dive buddies who need the water, like I need to the water. One of them is a cave diver who shares my love for really long dives (we're getting close to 3 hours of OCBT) and introduced me to the Megalodon RB family. We're working on planning a trip to Florida together so that we can get in the kind of diving we both need to be happy. Get yo'self a dive spouse.
     
  2. Marie13

    Marie13 Great Lakes Mermaid ScubaBoard Supporter

    # of Dives: 200 - 499
    Location: Great Lakes
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    My dive buddies are mostly all guys whose wives or girlfriends don’t dive. I cycle them through as needed, although 1-2 are regulars.
     
  3. flyboy08

    flyboy08 ScubaBoard Supporter ScubaBoard Supporter

    # of Dives: 500 - 999
    Location: NYC
    3,064
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    Marry her and take your new girlfriend diving...everyone’s happy then.:cool::stirpot:
     
  4. Bubblesong

    Bubblesong Marine Scientist

    # of Dives: 50 - 99
    Location: Massachusetts
    2,323
    1,975
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    How many married guys take your wives dancing? I was always going out to clubs until i got my little wings clipped! Last time my hubby danced was at our wedding!
    But he got me into diving, so i forgave him.
     
    KathyV and flyboy08 like this.
  5. Ana

    Ana Solo Diver

    1,348
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    My first husband wasn't a diver, after the divorce I figure maybe the marriage thing wasn't compatible with me. About a dozen years later I met a diver that made me change my mind. Now many of his friends though it would never work between us because he likes spicy food and I don't ...but we worked that out easily.

    The first thing that caught my eye was his dive style, other divers previously turned me off, for sure a non diver would've never been visible to me.

    Now the OP and GF have been together for years ... That I don't quite follow, something clicked to get things going, maybe it unclicked, but the diving card at this time sounds iffy.
     
  6. Scuba Lawyer

    Scuba Lawyer Barracuda

    # of Dives: 5,000 - ∞
    Location: Laguna Beach, California
    446
    1,053
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    I told my wife to be on our very first date that I don't dance, and never will, but she figgured she could "change me." Right.

    I did have a wee tad too much champagne at the Casino Ballroom in Avalon, Catalina Island one New Year's Eve about 25 years ago. My wife turned to look for me at our table and instead saw me standing on the stage leading 150 people in the Macarena. Somehow I turned that into a conga line and I'm told we all had a very good time. :)
     
  7. Esprise Me

    Esprise Me Kelp forest dweller ScubaBoard Supporter

    # of Dives: 100 - 199
    Location: Los Angeles, CA
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    My husband doesn't dive, and I kinda wish he did. Instabuddies can be a horrorshow, and it would be nice not to have to choose between spending time with him and going diving. But realistically, even if I got him to dive, the odds of us being perfectly compatible buddies would be slim. I have tons of buddies now--many of them friends I never would have met if I had a built-in buddy at home--and I'm always looking for more because no one person ever wants to do all the things I want to do. I actually have a note in my phone to keep track of who only does boat dives, who only likes diving when it's warm, who only likes dive sites where the bottom is 60 feet or less, etc. I think if I found myself single again, knowing what I know now, I would look for another diver to date. But if I found someone I loved who shared my values and didn't chew with his mouth open, I'd marry him even if he couldn't swim.
     
    eleniel, laevimanus, Steve_C and 4 others like this.
  8. Scott

    Scott Tech Instructor

    # of Dives: 2,500 - 4,999
    Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
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    I take my wife of 35+ years dancing when I loose a bet. I quit betting her about 25 years ago. :)

    OP, I would look at everything you have in common and go from there. If the list of common interests is small or 0, then you need to make a choice. Do I go or attempt to engage in more of her interests.
     
    Bubblesong likes this.
  9. KWS

    KWS ScubaBoard Supporter ScubaBoard Supporter

    # of Dives: 500 - 999
    Location: SE TEXAS
    4,449
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    Marvin... the relationship unless it is a diving relationship is not dependant on diving. you need to have things in common and tings you hav to yourself and both have to understand that. Since you are the one asking I will make your girlfriend the bad guy. If she is clingy and thinks she has to be part of every thing you do then she has a problem. There are reasons they do that. None of them flattering ones. They range from insecurity to distrust. both reasons no matter what the cause is the groundwork for a tragic ending. I would re examine things and ignore the specific scuba aspect and treat it more generally. Is your need for her interest a need for your career plans or hers. Is the need a valid one or a selfish one. Is there nothing else you have in common that will make this stumbling block a minor issue.

    My wife and I went through this when we first met. I insisted that she become a diver. It was not a bad thing the way it was handled. We were 60ish. She was hesitant to agree but when its me your looking at it is worth it. HAHAHAHA. In the long run her hesitance was fear based and she now loves diving. The thing driving me to make it a condition was that in the past so many other women condsidered diving an excuse to get away from them. INSECURITY. I decided I did not need that level of restraint or MISTRUST if her concern was,, if she was not there some other woman just may be. No matter what the root problems were. If the root issue was degratory to a good relationship, then it needs to end. What would you think if she agreed to diving than got married and then refused to not only participate but restrained you diving in the future. Your whole vision of a future and enjoying the sport has to be put on hold or be ended. Unwilling sacrifices in the name of peace is not good and perhaps tollerating or entering into such an arrangement is a sign of perhaps problems with you .

    There is an old thing that holds true to human nature. Girls like gladiators because a gladiator will always protect them. The gladiator is the proof or willigness that you will take chances to protect what is important to you. Once they get you settled down and married they want you to stop being a gladiator for fear you will be harmed and they will loose that gladiator protection. There are reverse situations also that apply. Again both selfish and neither flattering. I think you need to evaluate how much she is worth to you and how much diving is worth to you make a decision and live with it. AND BY LIVE WITH IT I MEAN You can never come back and say,,, look what I gave up for you.
     
    Bubblesong and Scuba Lawyer like this.
  10. lowwall

    lowwall Manta Ray

    # of Dives: 200 - 499
    Location: Chicago
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    Two TVs is nice, but the real secret is separate blankets.

    (Or in my case, a sheet for me and a down comforter for her.)
     

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