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Dating/Breakup With a Non-Diver.

Discussion in 'Non-Diving Related Stuff' started by MavinMarv, Dec 2, 2019 at 2:49 PM.

  1. markmud

    markmud Self Reliant Diver--On All Dives. ScubaBoard Supporter

    # of Dives: 200 - 499
    Location: South Lebanon, Ohio
    Hi Dish,

    Thanks for weighing-in on this issue. No apologies needed as your point is actually very nice (considering where we are, it is darn near a love note).

    Like you and Birdie, Cathy and I have not put our avocational activities into one basket; we have a broad range of hobbies. Some are shared and some are not. Viva la difference (I can't spell French words, sorry).

    If Cathy could not dive anymore, I would do fewer dives and dive different places. If I could not dive anymore, I would be her dive B***** and care for, and schlepp her gear. I would enjoy that for sure. I would do it just for the smell of wet neoprene and Nitrox. Diesel exhaust and salt spray are in my veins.

    I think your post was very profound and right to the heart of the matter.

  2. Steve_C

    Steve_C Divemaster

    # of Dives: 500 - 999
    Location: Raleigh, NC USA
    Initial enthusiasm is good. My impression is that there are a lot more I love diving it is my life and I have 300 or less dives than there are folks with dives in the thousands. Clearly that enthusiasm get tempered or modulated with time for most for a large number of different reasons.
    Esprise Me and Sam Miller III like this.
  3. Hoyden

    Hoyden Instructor, Scuba

    # of Dives: 2,500 - 4,999
    Location: Rockville, MD
    I have been married for going on 28 years. My wife was recently diagnosed with an illness that will spell the end of her diving eventually (sooner than we anticipated). Diving is more than just a hobby to me and I will definitely continue diving when she no longer can. It will probably mean fewer dive vacations, but that is all. I have had to think about what my life will look like once she is no longer here. I really never thought that I would have to plan for it. I figured that we would rust away together. I say all of that to get to this - I cannot imagine being in a relationship with a non-diver.
  4. <*)))><

    <*)))>< Solo Diver

    # of Dives: 100 - 199
    Location: Here
    Need to see a picture of girlfriend before I can opine......
  5. drbill

    drbill The Lorax for the Kelp Forest Scuba Legend

    # of Dives: 2,500 - 4,999
    Location: Santa Catalina Island, CA
    In my 57 years of using SCUBA, I have never once dated a diver. It has never been an issue for me as I've dived solo most of the time and the women I have been with largely accept (and usually encourage) my diving. However, I can see why a non-diving partner would be an issue for many.
    Bob DBF, chillyinCanada and Dark Wolf like this.
  6. DBPacific

    DBPacific Barracuda

    # of Dives: 50 - 99
    Location: Oregon, USA
    I thought that I really wanted my SO to be my dive buddy as well - I wanted to share the experience of seeing and being immersed in the ocean because I love it and I love him, so surely the two would get along. He has no interest in diving (actually he's a little terrified of the idea), plus he's an asthmatic, so him as my dive buddy is out. Almost five years together and we see it more as our different interests give us things to tell stories and teach each other about, and stay as unique individuals when most think of couples as a singular unit. I'm also majoring in marine biology, a field he doesn't quite understand, and I have several 'research husbands' - people I enjoy designing and running experiments with. Likewise I have a few 'dive husbands' who I often dove with.

    You don't need to share everything you like with one person, and changing them to do what you want rarely ends well unless they find their own happiness in the change. If her swimming is such a line in the sand, maybe ask her if she even wanted to learn to swim? If she supports you diving and will happily tolerate equipment purchases and repeating stories of a really cool fish you saw, then that seems enough.
    Dark Wolf and Altamira like this.
  7. drjtprice

    drjtprice Angel Fish

    # of Dives: 100 - 199
    Location: Saxlingham Nethergate England
    First wife was a diver, I helped train her and it was nice to have a regular buddy and have a diving style that worked together, it clearly didn't mean much in the long term. I'd love it if my second wife would learn to dive, and I think she would really like it if she could get to that comfort zone. I have come to accept that is unlikely to happen and stopped pushing her to give it a try. While I could teach her to be a better swimmer and more comfortable in the water, she is the classical 'theoretical physicist (for real)' that you would not want in an experimental physics lab. In other words, some of the mechanical parts of scuba would just be too difficult. Yes, I could set all the gear up, but I'd have a constant doubt about whether she could adequately respond to an equipment problem underwater. We enjoy the hobbies we share, and I dive when I can otherwise. Sometimes, like Weda, we can even combine our two hobbies - enjoying the shared hobby together and my diving on some of the days. Same would be true on Raja Ampat and parts of the Great Barrier Reef.
  8. Marie13

    Marie13 Great Lakes Mermaid ScubaBoard Supporter

    # of Dives: 200 - 499
    Location: Great Lakes
    From watching friends’ relationships -

    If half of the couple is very into a hobby (doesn’t matter what it is), things seem to work out best if the other half has their own thing. And I don’t mean sitting in front of the TV or updating FB. Otherwise, the other half eventually starts complaining about how much time and money is spent on the hobby. Usually it’s the guy who has the stuff he likes to do, woman has no hobbies, and just starts complaining.
  9. rob.mwpropane

    rob.mwpropane Barracuda

    You could always just stop that and see where life takes you?:jester:
  10. DBPacific

    DBPacific Barracuda

    # of Dives: 50 - 99
    Location: Oregon, USA
    Most of my family in a nutshell because the men constantly put down their wives' hobbies/try to force them into enjoying the men's hobbies or give them more work to do.

    I am very happy that my partner and I have different hobbies. We can be happy with and without the other and when we're working on our individual things, it gives us some me time and things to tell the other about when we get home.

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