Dork Divers Certification Classes – Suggest Course Outlines

Please register or login

Welcome to ScubaBoard, the world's largest scuba diving community. Registration is not required to read the forums, but we encourage you to join. Joining has its benefits and enables you to participate in the discussions.

Benefits of registering include

  • Ability to post and comment on topics and discussions.
  • A Free photo gallery to share your dive photos with the world.
  • You can make this box go away

Joining is quick and easy. Log in or Register now!

Teamcasa

Sr. Moderator
ScubaBoard Supporter
Messages
12,121
Reaction score
445
Location
Near Pasadena, CA
# of dives
500 - 999
Dork Divers Certification Classes – Suggest Course Outlines

I would like to see specific course outlines for specialty classes and certifications. For instance:

Dork Diver Gear Specialists: The Dork Diver will be trained in recognizing gear that not only fits well but serves a purpose for the Dork Diver. They will learn that the gear color or lack of it will not effect the operation of this equipment. In addition, they will learn that any gear, kept in operational condition, serviced regularly, will not kill you. You will also learn that yellow snorkels have an additional use!

Dork Diver Rescue Specialty: The Dork Diver will be trained to spot divers who are distressed by unruly and rude NDD’s (Non Dork Divers). They will learn how to treat this unruly, know-it-all-rude-I-told-you-so-my-gear-is-better-than-yours diver. Instructors will walk DD through situations where they learn to cope and that their actions will have no effect on the Dork Diver’s fun.

Dork Diver Photographer Specialty: The Dork Diver will learn that it is not necessary to spend $20,000 to get the underwater snapshots of you and your friends having fun.

Dave
 
Dork Diver Boat Specialty (DDBS):
The Dork Diver (DD) will learn how to enjoy themselves even in the presence of Non Dork Divers (NDD) who are bragging about their exploits or the dollar value of their equipment. The DDBS student will also learn how to be helpful and friendly to other divers in the cramped confines of a dive boat, without being meddlesome or annoying.
 
Ah...well DORK DIVERS - Multi-use snorkel certification Specialty

Course outline
1- What a snorkel is.
2- Different models and colour significations
3- How to dress for success using a snorkel
4- How to choose the right snorkel for every occasion
5- Self-defence using a snorkel
- How to do a swim attack on an unsuspecting buddy or intruder
- How to effectivley defend yourself against an attacker
6- The use of a snorkel for an apres dive beverage.
7- Care and maintenance of your snorkel and accessories

Upon completion of the Snorkel specialty, the student diver will have learned the basic characteristics and design of the snorkel and its proper use. Also how the snorkel can be an effective tool in self defence and how the snorkel can be adpated to his or her environment.

A certificate of completion and a nice iron on badge will be given to the successful student.

:D
 
[FONT=&quot]DDSACS: Dork Diver Surface Alcohol Consumption Specialty: The Dork Diver will learn how to effectively raise alcohol tolerance to assist in dealing with surface intervals. Ths course will also include a brief section on how to effectively pee off a boat (regardless of gender) in the case of an OOB (out of bladder) emergency. Dork Divers taking this specialty will be required to BYOA (Bring Your Own Alcohol), but will be provided with an exceptionally large pink or yellow snorkel which can be easily converted into a straw for larger tropical drinks.[/FONT]
 
Dork Diver Deep Specialty (DDDS):

The DD will be trained that any depth reached and returned from is the appropriate depth and therefore "deep enough". Witty retorts will be practiced for the occasional non-DD comment about their depths reached, starting with the subtle but effective slightly raised single eyebrow of skepticism. Additional replies, such as "hmmm" and "really?" can also be added. "An hour or two of deco or another dive or two, I think I'll go for the extra dives" is also appropriate.
 
Dork Diver Gaming Specialty: The Dork Diver will be trained in the various aspects of having fun playing card and board games underwater. The Dork Diver will learn what modifications may be required to surface games to make them playable underwater. This specialty requires a minimum of one gaming dive, which can be confined or open water. (If the gaming dive includes ScubUNO, ISOSAD will provide free membership to the Dork Diver upon the completion of the course.)

(And if you'll allow a sponsored specialty, like that one agency...)

Dork Diver Hazelnut Specialty: The Dork Diver will be learn that local diving can be fun, too. The Dork Diver will be trained in methods of redirecting the derision of I-can-afford-REAL-vacations divers, quarries-are-for-sissies divers, and several other classes of NDD, while learning that while vacations are *great*, there are a lot more weekends. (Specialty provided in loose, unofficial association with the Hazelnut Scuba club.)
 
Dork Diver Master Dork (DDMD)- Combines any three or more specialties. Preferred is the boat-snorkel-SAC combo (BOSNOSAC) where DD's shall learn the intricacies of using a snorkel to drink after completion of the days boat diving. Elective class- Basic Unscheduled Regurgitation Practice (BURP)- To be used when practicing excessively for the BOSNOSAC class, or rough seas coming home. :l:

Completion allows you to always refer to yourself with pride as First name, Last name, DD, MD. Impressive yet meaningless.
 
DORK Out-of-Country Souvenir Shopping (DOCSS)-
The DD will be trained in the fine art of shopping for those "must have" souvenirs on foreign shores. This will include, but not be limited to:

1. Negotiating the price down to something reasonable versus the "sticker price"... particulary in the Caribbean and Mexico.
2. How to tell the difference between authentic local crafts and imported stuff.
3. How to tell the difference between Black Coral and Black Plastic.
4. How to tell the difference between hand made embroidery and machine manufactured.
5. How to shop the "back street" stands versus the main street tourist traps.
6. How to dress so that the merchants don't say to themselves "Bingo - we we've got a target".
 
Dork Diver Surface Interval Specialty (DDSI)

The DD will be trained on how to enjoy a surface interval while being social and inviting to other divers. DD will learn the signs that uptight divers make to avoid annoying them while reaching out in a friendly manner. DD will also learn the warning signs of uptight divers who should not be approached and avoided at all times.
 

Back
Top Bottom