Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[Rich Keller]

This is not a funny dive quote but it is somewhat relevant. I was on the bridge of a 36' Sea Ray equipped with a radar arch at the NY boat show when a couple of guys clime up to the bridge and one says to the other "This must be a fast boat!". The other guy asks "Why do you say that?". The first guy says "Because it has a roll bar" and the other guy says "Ya right I did not think of that". The next time you hear a boat whiz by your dive flag it is either these two guys or someone just like them.

 

[The Anchor]

I always like it when people ask me if "It's cold in there". No, the water's warm, I'm just wearing a drysuit because I think they're sexy.

An actual, very short conversation with a man from washington state.

Him: Is the water cold?
Me: Yea it's pretty cold, but that's why we wear drysuits.
Him: Well, I guess that's what you get for diving in the arctic.

It was a sad day for humanity.

Drysuits are sexy! I did a dive last month at Whytecliff park in Vancouver, and there was a wedding party having their photos done there... I got my picture taken will ALL the brides maids.

 

[eponym]

"Bootie Juice"

I was conducting Master Diver open water training dives today with a very competent and very young woman (20, one-third my own age) who I also trained in OWD last year. In between she has been on two tropical science survey apprenticeships as part of her college work.

"Bootie Juice" is what she said as she watched me, back in the parking lot, use each boot's water to rinse the bottom of the other.

-Bryan

 

[blue sky]

A couple months ago, my wife and I were diving off our boat with an experienced lady diver for the first time. Before pulling the anchor to move to the next spot our friend, still in her wetsuit, got back into the water to pee. After a minute or so, I looked back to check on her. She was standing on the ladder about chin deep in the water repeatedly pulling her wetsuit collar out several inches and letting it go. When I asked what she was doing, she replied, "Flushing".

 

[DMDavid]

"Bootie Juice" is what she said as she watched me, back in the parking lot, use each boot's water to rinse the bottom of the other.

-Bryan

There is another diving related defintion for "Bootie Juice" that comes from sweating while wearing a wetsuit topside on a hot summer day.

Don't kill the messenger, I merely over heard it in conversation on a charter boat.




---
- FB-Florida Scuba Diver

 

[Frosty]

repeating an oldie but a goodie.
"son you don't have to outswim the shark. just the slowest diver"

 

[Heath Sapp]

 

[blue sky]

Unfortunately, Steve, No.

I asked this question during OW class, again during Nitrox class, DM class and even of an Advanced Gas instructor. The answer was the same each time.

The nitrogen loading between the time you managed to get off the plane, on to the boat and into the water would be such that the "residual" negative group would have returned to practically the same as if you hadn't flown at all.

Good try, though...

Ian

Oops. Previously covered. Should have read several more posts before posting.

 

[g1138]

During a Basic OW pool session one of our instructors went through the usual briefing of a reg recover. Basically the students would form an underwater huddle and wait their turn as the instructor came up to each of them one at a time so they could perform the skill.
At the end he [instructor] asked if anyone had any questions.

One girl (hair color being withheld) responded:
"Should we be breathing while we wait?"

I'll be happy to report that she passed the class with flying colors. Even the academic portion.

 

[DivemasterDennis]

A few years back I had a dive master candidate assist me in setting training platforms at a local reservoir. We were each towing a platform made of 3 inch pvc pipe, about 6' square, with four very large balloon buoys and about 130 feet of 1 inch rope. Our swim out to depth was about 250 meters, and it is a chore to tow those rigs, I assure you. As she (now an instructor) labored with the task, I comforted her with these words: "Welcome to the world of professional diving!"
DivemasterDennis