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Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

Discussion in 'Basic Scuba Discussions' started by idratherbedivin, Apr 8, 2008.

  1. dgreenh

    dgreenh Dive Travel Professional

    # of Dives: 500 - 999
    Location: San Angelo, TX
    I had a woman call wanting to get herself and her husband open water certified. They were going on a cruise and wanted to do the two tank excursion in Roatan. I said no problem, I can get you certified. Then she asks if they learned to dive with 2 tanks in the class. I had a hard time not laughing out loud but I explained to her what a two tank dive was.
  2. Kharon

    Kharon Solo Diver

    # of Dives: 200 - 499
    Location: Upstate NY
    I just got home from Bonaire and my Dad asked "When you were diving did you see any tropical fish?"
  3. Traff

    Traff Angel Fish

    # of Dives: 25 - 49
    Location: Jeju, Korea
    Thanks to everyone who has posted- I don't have anything fresh to add, but have had a chuckle (several actually) over the past few days, working my way through this lot.
    D_B likes this.
  4. D_B

    D_B Kimber/TekDiveGirl storyteller and memory keeper ScubaBoard Sponsor

    # of Dives: 50 - 99
    Location: San Diego, Ca.
    "I don't dive ... I just buy dive gear" :wink:

    sadly, that is mine
    wheezy likes this.

    TONY CHANEY Loggerhead Turtle

    # of Dives: 1,000 - 2,499
    Location: Mount Holly, NC
    Me a cave diver talking to coworker:
    M. "Yea, I really love the caves and all that you see in them."
    C. "Yea but you never going to find gold in the caves."
    M. "Really? Then where do I need to go to find gold?"
    C. "Mines that go really deep into the ground!"

    I just walked away as another coworker was LHAO.
    SeaHorse81 likes this.
  6. bowlofpetunias

    bowlofpetunias Oh no, not again! Staff Member ScubaBoard Supporter

    # of Dives: 500 - 999
    Location: Sydney Australia
    Today at work a first aider told me he thought I was foolish taking the risk of diving because....

    "If you go deeper than 10M (30ft) the weight of all that water will collapse your lungs and crush your heart and kill you"
    yvesli and D_B like this.
  7. Grover48

    Grover48 ScubaBoard Supporter ScubaBoard Supporter

    # of Dives: 200 - 499
    Location: Walker Basin, CA
    I have enough bioprene that I bounce rather than break. You know, kinda like a Nerf ball.
  8. D_B

    D_B Kimber/TekDiveGirl storyteller and memory keeper ScubaBoard Sponsor

    # of Dives: 50 - 99
    Location: San Diego, Ca.
    me ... "if I paint white patches on ether side of my wetsuit, I'll look like Orca man" :wink:
  9. mala

    mala DIR Practitioner

    # of Dives:
    Location: old hampshire
    student to instructor

    s- do you use your drysuit for buoyancy?

    I - yes - and I use my wing to keep me warm.
    KD8NPB likes this.
  10. Donnah

    Donnah Photographer

    # of Dives: 1,000 - 2,499
    Location: Key Largo, FL
    Near a lake used by scuba divers was a bar, and a man walked in carrying a cardboard box. He put the box on the bar and ordered a drink. It was quiet, and the barman was a talkative fellow — he naturally asked what was in the box. The man didn’t answer, but opened the box and took out a miniature grand piano, then a miniature piano stool, and finally, a little man less than a foot tall, who sat at the piano and started to play the most incredible music you have ever heard.
    "He’s fantastic!" said the barman, "Where did you get him?"
    "Well," said the customer, "I had been diving in the lake when I saw this frog swimming in the middle of lake, at about 15 feet, and looking very tired. I took hold of the frog and carried him to the surface. The frog seemed very relieved, so I carried him to the shore.
    "When I put him down – and you’re not going to believe this bit," the man said, "– the frog started to talk! He said he wasn’t really a frog, but was a handsome prince turned into a frog by a wicked fairy. And because he had never learned to swim, he wasn’t making a very good job of being a frog. And as I had just saved his life, he was going to grant me a wish.
    "Now, the frog did seem to have difficulty equalizing as we surfaced, and it must have affected his hearing, because I told him my wish – and that was how I got a 10 inch pianist!"

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